Is my BF being a Jerk or am I expecting too much

[lahnnabell]

He's very flaky. I wouldn't like that either. Give him a few more days. If you still don't hear from him, then I think you need to sit down and very clearly outline what you both want. If he wants to go a week or two between seeing or hearing from you, then you need to be honest about whether or not you can handle that.

My boyfriend and I recently talked because I needed explicit direction on how to handle where our relationship is at right now. He just got back from studying abroad so he's out of work, and has little to no money. Plus he's got softball, working out, etc. I've got two jobs and am super busy on most days. Right now it's not feasible for us to see each other every few days. He said that he's all right with seeing me even once in a two week period if that's all we can manage. He understands that my working is very important to me, and I know that finding a job and working toward becoming a police offer needs to be his priority. I'm all right with seeing him so little because we still talk online, and we talk on the phone every few days. And it's not just me contacting him; he takes initiative too.

I told him that I understood that he doesn't particularly favor internet conversations (I don't either), but that it would be something we'd have to utilize since we can't spend as much quality time together. He agreed with me. Communication needs to be a continuous open stream for a relationship to be functional. If someone starts shutting down, the relationship will suffer.

[boobaa]

My BF and I been going official and exclusive in a relationship since April 3 till now. So this is not just another date. Just want to make my post clear.

Beginning stage, we never set schedule to meet up...and he initiated all the meetings with me and it's like 4-5 days a week.

Later, things die down a bit so I initiated and asked if we can set a schedule to meet up since we both have got things to do, right? Just a better way to plan things out for ourselves. But the schedule is NOT cast in stone...we set Mon and Wed [2x a week] and of coz we can reschedule if we need to accommodate our things.

We met up this Monday, had a superb great time worked out in the gym together, cooked, chat. I enjoyed. Tues came, no meet and he didnt call me nor text me. Wed came and I assume it's the normal meet up...no phone calls no text we both went to work.
After work, usually Mon and Wed my coworker carpools with me and will drop me off at my BF's work place, I will ride with my BF home/ hangout. On the FWY for 40 mins already and still no calls from my BF which is NOT normal...and I was about to arrive his office. So I called him.

He told me he still at work coz he decided to work extra hours to make up the leave he is taking this weekend from work.

I said: "Well..I..thought we're hanging out tonite..no?"
He said: "Well nothing been set, we never talked about it"
I said: " Huh, I thought we had an agreement to hangout Mon & Wed, didnt we? I'd appreciate if you were to inform me earlier...I am about to arrive your workplace and I prepared dinner for us tonite"
He said: "EVERY Mon and Wed??" [his tone already sounded very bad, like I am demanding GF]

I kept repeating on the phone "that is what I thought we agreed upon, am I missing anything I didnt know???"

Then he told me he decided to make up the hours on Tues nite and he will make up those hours by working extra on Wed and Thurs. Then he said he is very busy this week coz his niece has this sweet 16 party and it's big thing for Mexican family and he has to help out after work and after his class.

Then also he told me his friend from out of town coming so he is taking off not only saturday BUT sunday.....I guess I dont get to see him this week.

But I am sad not coz I cannot see him this week. I am sad coz I felt being ditched. I think, to me, it's a courtesy to tell your GF/BF or even regular friends...if you need to stay n make up the hours?

I didnt like it especially when he says with a very impatient tone ""EVERY Mon and Wed??" "Again, I only decided on Tues to make up the hours!"

Am I wrong? Am I expecting too much?

If you didn't say EVERY Mon and Wed, but just Mon and Wed, then it is quite clear it is your fault. Such assumptions are even kind of disrespectful in my book. That, plus people actually need time. From your story, the way he said it, it seems quite clear he didn't know, therefore he didn't feel the need to tell you he is at work -- bad communication, that is all. Ofcourse he might have been even angry, because obviously he is under work stress. Obviously he is already getting shit from his work and you are giving him shit from the other side because of this. He has to make up his days he spends with you, do you? Don't build air castles yet. And your spelling gives me sort of a hint that you are not very old either.

[vashti]

After two months, I don't think you have any right to be expecting he schedule you in for every single Monday and Wednesday. It sounds like you are building too much of your life around a short-term guy, and I don't think most guys like that. It sounds like he is backing off of you.

On the other hand, he doesn't sound like someone I would want to keep, anyway. Why are you trying to force this relationship to work when you have such a tiny time investment, and no children? Relationships that start out this way only degrade over time.

[sunnybunny8212]

oh okay gotcha, i was just like W T F...??
but uhm, yea, im sorry to hear that, but if this continues, let him go.

id, be upset if he were to kiss another girl while on a "break."
thats just not fair....

the best thing i can say is to try to work it out with him, but
if he continues with the BS, don't deal with it, and tell him about his self,
because he thinks his job is way more important than a call or text...

beautiful signature, i trust that you will follow it :]

<3

[exprezo]

Hello Booba:-

. He has to make up his days he spends with you, do you? Don't build air castles yet. And your spelling gives me sort of a hint that you are not very old either.

No, he did not make up those hours for me or to spend time with me. He took Saturday off for his niece sweet 16 birthday party, it's huge for Mexican families..so he didnt want to lose pay, that was why he made up hours last Wed and Thurs..he never did anything like this for me and I never will request him to sacrifice work to hangout with me. After reading all these replies I actually know it was part of my fault for expecting our wed. hangout . booba..I am not young anymore. I am MUCH OLDER than my BF but I know I have lotsa typos, English is not my first language.

but now it evolves till him not really communicating with me. You see, I have not gotten anything from him since Wed. Today is already Sunday..not even a single text nor call.

And no, he has stopped using GTALK chat with me ever since he came back from his Chicago trip that was April 19th.

You know when you are in relationship, Im sure you miss n think of that person. Sometimes I just want to hear from him, even though I know I cannot expect 24/7 on calls.

I just could not understand why he can go for DAYS not even saying Hi to me...one line text message will cause him alot of time or energy???

I woke up this Sunday morning..really wanted to call him and say hi. But I am really holding up now and didnt do it. Didnt even text him. To me he is like totally vanished..I don't know where my so-called BF is, what he is doing. Again, Im saying this not mean I want his log or report of what he is doing every second, But I am somebody...not just a normal friend nor another date [I HOPE]...right?

Throughout the entire relationship I actually still live my life like before..I schedule my own meetups with my own friends...I go out a lot But I think of him where ever I go. I hope to hear from him..a line or two of a text msg will make my day. That is cause he told me we are in a relationship. If he were to tell me Im JUST HIS DATE...I would have other benchmark on how i treat the scenario/relationship. There are diff levels rite?

Before these fights, he told me he will bring me out of town for memorial weekend and I am so looking forward to it. but till now he didnt confirm about his booking of the hotel..to me i am afraid he may cancel it...i am worrying a lot here and there.

To: vashti I am trying to see if any progress shows and that is why I am still investing now...I hope the Memorial weekend trip will happen and hope it will bring us progress and I will then see, how we go from there. That is why I am still investing now

[exprezo]

You know what...after I typed my reply to you all 15 mins ago...I called him...He sounded sad...and after saying hi and little chat..he told me he has something to talk about n tell me. So, I said lets meet today after his work around 6pm.

He said he is not piss off or mad but it's something that happened and he wanan talk. I can tell it's soemthing not going to make me happy. My entire emotion now is depressing...cold hands...heart pumping........I feel...I am about to lose him.

[cmacattack1]

Don't be afraid of losing him. You would be back in the same position you were almost two months ago. It would not be the end of the world.

I don't know, maybe I'm young and idealistic, I just think that if you really like somebody you will make the time for them and this already after not even two months doesn't sound like he wants to invest in this. I agree that you shouldn't put pressure or demands on this early and that it takes time for feelings to develop, I just don't get a good feeling of you guys really growing together.