A weird turn of events

[hannaremnant]

I've been "obsessing" about this guy who seem(ed) to like me...

I think it (attraction) is over, whether I killed it or stomped on it out of my insensititivity...

But it's still something I'm trying to understand and let go of:

First impressions:

His: she looks different
Me: ugh, life

Over time:

His: she seems the shy or quiet type, kinda cute
Me: why is he looking at me and acting like that?

One day:

His: well, I guess it's just a matter of time before...
Me: I can't stand him -can't he see I'm not his type? must be a pervert..

So I moved my seat far away, and he starts staring at me from afar...

I'm thinking to myself, omg this guy is weird. (then I thought any guy who liked me had to be a little bit weird).

I went as far as to think of him in all sorts of weird, unkind ways. Ignoring his existence while he stares at me and makes a fool of himself.

Until the inevitable day: taking AP Govt test,

His: I hope she notices me..
Me: I hope he gets over whatever it is, learn to ignore me like the rest of 'em (just a fact of my life, not bitterness)

Later on, I can't stand his staring behavior, so I send Facebook messages (which I later tell him not to open because I regret writing them).

I was in a very unstable frame of mind all this while....and some of it had to do with his overtly creepy behavior (staring).
I start thinking he must be a major pervert, and I won't stand for it (I couldn't believe he could like me for who I was when I had so many self-identidy issues at the time).

I see him, he's looking a little sad, but I don't take that into account, and I make a point of telling him (in a very dour mood) -"Do I make you nervous?" "No." "Well, honestly, I was very uncomfortable!" To which in front of some people, he very quickly gets up with a hasty "I'm sorry-".

This guy who makes a point of staring at me when I'm in a depressed mood, who leaves instead of taking any chance of conversation, and pissing me off by breaking any barrier I had....

And then, it hits me. This guy has feelings (or thoughts)...he might have a "thing" for me, but he's just incredibly shy...
(and of course I don't help that because I was, in a sense, very unsure of myself then).

Oh the irony...

So I send a few more Facebook messages (darn Facebook!) and he manages to write this:

"Relax, I don't have a crush on you I don't know what you're talking about I'm not staring at you.."

Would you believe it? I don't know...I think it means he got over it (finally!) and now I'm free to go about my business.

Except...I don't know how he feels...dejected, disgusted....with me or himself.

Well whatever it is, I'm glad I got to write this out and realize now that my original intent did in fact happen, he got over me...

Yet I wonder what it even was to begin with...what was it about me?...obviously hormones, inexperience, etc.

I chuckle to myself now thinking about it and how absolutely unnecessary was all the mental torment and emotional chaos that took place (out of a lack of self-awareness and appreciation)....

I still think he is a perv (but I've accepted that guys have to be to some extent) and that I just never handled romantic relationships well ever (kill them before they even start)...but now I am more aware of my own thoughts and emotions and my reactions etc...

I still want to watch him play soccer or something, but I think I've deflated his self-esteem to the point of no return (that he will choose to avoid me altogether which should have been his first option all along because OBVIOUSLY I was asking for no attention. Oh, I'll be glad when I graduate from high school).

I REALLY wanted no attention, but he would study me like some odd specimen of the human race -and indeed, I was going mad!

Well that's how my brain works...

[bloodtippedrose]

You sound like you feel a little upset that he stopped staring at you/ told you he didnt like you. And Im sorry you had self-esteem issues I hope you dont anymore.


I wonder if we know the same guy ;P

There is a guy in my college program that is constantly staring at me. Constantly. When he speaks, his is a nice guy. When we speak to each other about class assignments, he seems like a nice normal guy. But for some reason he cant stop staring at me.

I thought it was my imagination at first when I noticed him glancing back to me (He sits in front row, I sit one back from him and over left.) Then he was doing it alot. I felt his eyes burning into me and I couldnt help thinking What the hell is your problem!

Then I moved my computer screen to block his view and he now stretches and cranes his neck to stare at me!

I thought maybe he thinks im pretty, but there are other pretty girls in the class that he doesnt look at. I thought maybe its cuz Im nice but there is a really nice cute girl that sits by me that he doesn't look at either.

I toy with ideas in my head that I must look like a dead relative of his or something.. I dont know. I met his girlfriend. Shes young, redhead, total bitch. when she was in our class sitting by him he would still stare at me but quick glances instead of long gazes.

I thought about calling him out on it. Or making him feel stupid about it. Or asking him why. But Ive just decided to live with it. If he wants to look at me who cares, I dont get a psycho stalker murder kindve vibe from him.

One thing is for sure though, until I get my degree my computer is going to be slanted