opposing views

[kelli913]

My boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half now. I have been a christian my entire life but never regularly attended church. My mom and step dad go, and I will go every now and then, and my dad has always had the idea, you can still believe in God and Jesus without attending church, which I do believe. Well, my boyfriends' father is a pastor, and my boyfriend has been coming down on me about going church, and how he wants me to want to go to church with him, and doesn't want to make it sound like he's making me. Well, i have no problem going to church what so ever, but it's just not a priority.
My problem is, is with his father being a pastor, I would like to think he would be the most non-judgemental person out there. Well I was wrong. I found out my boyfriends sister was practically 'shunned' from the family because she had had an abortion,(it took 8 months of dating for me to finally meet her and not one person in the family speaks good of her, I like her, she's super friendly and has been nothing but nice to me, and i feel like i'm going to be hated for liking her) .. well the pastor said he wants nothing to do with her. And then yesterday, my bf and i were watching a tv show where there was a gay kid in the show, and my bf made a comment about if his 'son' ever came home gay he would smack the shit out of him. I couldn't believe he had something like that. It's scaring me too, b/c i saw us having a future, and awhile back I told him if we were to get married I want to adopt a kid b/c i was adopted and believe in the system, and his comment was "that's fine, but i want it to be a white kid" (we are white) and I was appalled by his comment, can he not love something or someone different than himself. This judgemental thing is driving me crazy, all i can keep thinking to myself is "only God can judge me" and who does he think he is to be so critical? I guess my question is what can i do? I feel like if i talk to him seriously about it, it's going to come out sounding like it's all his fault and he might only become defensive.

[Syph]

Crazy ass religious extremists. Seriously don't mess about with these people. This isn't harmless fun and games, these people are truly messed up.

If you want to turn out like that by all means stay with him. Once you step foot in the church you will change to be like him.

Or you could refuse to go to his church and leave it at that (BEST OPTION I think...)
Or you could finish it

[vashti]

I don't know where you ever got the idea that religious people were tolerant. Didn't you study history? Ever hear of the Crusades or the Spanish Inquisition?

That said, there are a few religious denominations that are more progressive and tolerant. Your boyfriend and his family aren't that kind, though. I wouldn't be able to stand being in a room for 5 minutes with any of them, and quite honestly, that other people are tolerant of their hatefulness is something I find very disturbing. Don't be one of those people.

[kelli913]

I don't want to say he's intolerant, his family and him are Christian-Baptist, and I am methodist, I never thought there was that big of difference. And I still don't see a huge difference when I attend their church. I just don't know if talking to him will even help. I know the whole thing of 'if he loves me he won't make me change' but I'm scared he's just puttin up with me now. He's a very non-confrontational person and so if anything were to happen in our relationship it's going to be because of me. I'm scared to death right now, this is my most serious relationship I've ever been in, and I won't lie and say I didn't see signs of this in the beginning, however I think I just made the mistake of pushing it aside everytime it came up, and now it's getting really serious and I'm scared I might have to end it. It just bothers me he can't see the other side of all this. I won't say I agree or disagree with the gay life style, but I just believe if people want to be happy, let them be happy, it's not going to effect if I will be friends with them or not, I won't judge to that degree. I don't want this to sound like he is a bad person, I just wish he would open his eyes and realize there is more out there. I don't read the bible religiously, but I do know that things in there can be interpreted in numerous ways, and who is he (or his father) to determine what it means. I know that's the basis behind every religion, it's just hard to see a pastor be so judgemental. If anybody he is the one to know that God is the only one who can judge, what is God going to say of them when they are standing before Christ on that day of judgment?

I am so lost right now, i don't want this to be the end of our relationship and somehow i know it probably will be, religion makes things so difficult. Why can't we all just understand one another regardless of what we believe?

[xxazurexx]

^^How you can even begin to be with someone who is so full of hate, is beyond me.

[Syph]

I am so lost right now, i don't want this to be the end of our relationship and somehow i know it probably will be, religion makes things so difficult. Why can't we all just understand one another regardless of what we believe?

I'll keep this brief as it is a relationships forum. Religion concerns things like the afterlife and helps people come to terms with death. When you add the non-existent good/bad distinction you are bound to get bigotry.

You should say what you said there to his face. Actually tell him that you disagree.

Honesty and communication are the foundation of fantastic relationships. If he can't accept that he is not worth any further effort. Dump him.

[SirWagginston]

Just look at how Israel treats its neighbors. Religious people are incredibly intolerant

And how Israel's neighbors treat it. Hatred is usually a two-way street.

Bonus points for unnecessarily stirring a political controversy, by the way.

[vashti]

I don't want to say he's intolerant, his family and him are Christian-Baptist, and I am methodist,

Baptists are one of the more conservative branches. Even Jimmy Carter had to leave that movement.

[vashti]

Just look at how Israel treats its neighbors. Religious people are incredibly intolerant

Hah! You must be kidding.

[bluesummer]

It takes two very open-minded people to make a relationship work that is based on very different values of ANY kind. You have to be able to accept and not judge the other person's point of view. From what I've encountered, the majority of people are unable to do this.

Think about it......what if you marry this guy and you have children and one of them turns out to be gay? Are you going to let your husband and his family shame and shun them? There's a fine line between belief systems and ignorance/hatred. His family has jumped over that line. Now you have to ask yourself if that's something YOU are okay being a part of.

[vashti]

I think you are minimizing this situation by calling it "opposing views". This is a matter of opposing morals.

[Mish]

It sounds like the two of you may have a lot of problems in the future, because you don't see eye to eye on a lot of issues.

[vashti]

Mostly I am. But it also seems that Christianity is always the example people use of an intolerant religion. Give me a break

That's because it's the one Westerners are most familiar with.