Help!

[kjd094]

It's peculiar really, I'd like to start by telling you I'm 15 years old (16 in 3 days) and I am gay. I've always been incredibly mature for my age, I'm fostered and when people first see me they always thinks I look more around the age of 18-19! Anyways I recently started attending a drama company which I love and after the first few rehearsals I started taking a liking to a guy, I thought he looked about my age, maybe a year or so older? Well it turns out he's 21. We texted each other and realised that there was a mutual attraction, we flirted and hugged at rehearsals and even talked about kissing each other. he asked my age and I told him, that seemed to worry him slightly, it was practically subliminal because he didn't really show it at first. He explained to me that he doesn't like to label himself sexuality-wise and that he'd not had a relationship for 6 years and his last one was with a girl. Well anyways we arranged to have a bit of time out together after a rehearsal and we ended up going to his house, we snuggled up together and ended up kissing quite passionately, after we had he started acting a bit distant with me, I had to go anyways so he walked me to the station. I asked him if I'd upset him and he said no he just had to sort a few things out in his head.
The same night he sent me a text saying that he felt he'd been a 'dick' and that we shouldn't have kissed, I said that I have no regrets and that I enjoyed it and he must have done a little and he agreed. I knew this issue would run deeper though and basically I asked him what was on his mind; he is a fairly insecure person about height and looks only around 5'7" and (well I personally think) gorgeous! He said he'd talked to friends about how young a person they should go out with and they said no lower than 18 years old, this worried him and he told me it did. At this point I felt highly confused because he told me about his previous partner and how he missed her a bit, I felt quite inadequate, but continued to text him. Last week he sent me a text exclaiming that he felt we couldn't have a relationship because of the age gap and distance (being 20-30 mins on a train) and I told him that I felt age was a subject linked with mind over matter, I'd told my foster mum and she told me to go for it and that if I don't mind about age it shouldn't matter, but I told him that I really like him and respect him, if he didn't want a relationship then fine (secretly hurting inside). The next morning he sent a text, quite flirtatious as though nothing had happened, I brought it up again and he told me not to worry. anyways this week had been the show week, and on the last night there was going to be an after show party (last night), he sent me a text saying I could stop at his over night because I didn't have any way of getting home and my foster parents were happy with that. I was thinking that we'd get a chance to properly talk, he then text me saying he still felt that nothing could happen between us and that I would be stopping as a friend (it hurt to hear it but I had to accept it!). Anyways last night I stopped at his we had to sleep in the same bed, he put a movie in and we ended up cuddling, before we knew it we were kissing again, very passionately he took my top off along with his, I could see where it was going and strangely didn't mind, although I was still confused because he'd said nothing could happen. He'd only had a pint of cider so I knew he wasn't drunk. It wasn't the best thing to do I know but I ended up having oral sex with him (in the heat of the moment we didn't use protection) afterwards we cuddled and went off to sleep, earlier this morning I was getting the same distant vibe from him, he wouldn't cuddle me properly and was generally quiet. He had to go to work, I asked him if he was alright he said yes, and I asked what was on his mind and he said he'd text me because it would be easy as he was rushing, he hugged me goodbye. I thought he was going to text me saying he didn't want to see me again but then a bombshell dropped. He told me he hasn't had a check up since he last has sex with someone (unprotected) and is now worried that I could've caught something! He tried saying I shouldn't have done it but he gestured for me to and as I say it was in the heat of the moment. I've arranged to go and see him tomorrow and we're going to go for a check up, I'm immensely scared and haven't told my foster parents. I'm definitely going to see him tomorrow, but he isn't texting me at the moment, he does care for me because he's said he couldn't cope if he'd given me anything, and is scared about HIV.
What should I do about everything I've explained? I still really want a relationship and really want to care for him. Please reply, thanks K.
x

[♥pinkpokadots♥]

Hmm.. seems like he's giving you mixed signals... which probably means he's not ready for something serious yet or maybe he still likes that one girl?? As with the HIV problem, just go see a doctor and confirm that you have one (if you do) If you don't then there's not really a problem. But if you do then even though it will be awkward, you have to tell your foster parents. Explain the whole situation (I'm assuming they know your gay) After all they are your legal guardians and are going to care for you for the next three years.

Hope I could help!
♥

[dewilliams2]

Can you break this into paragraphs please?...its easier to read....just a wall of text can be a pain to read.

[Kelsey777]

If he was previously with a girl, he might have trouble confronting his homosexuality. I think it's more than just the age.

It is completely unlikely you have HIV, unless you had gigantic cuts in your mouth. HIV RARELY passes through oral. You can get diseases by giving oral, but not easily. If he had herpes even, you still probably wouldn't have it unless he had an outbreak. Still possible but not likely.Definitely doesn't hurt to get checked out though.

[Gigabitch]

I don't know what the laws are where you live, but here you would be jailbait. Regardless of what your foster parents say, you're too young for this guy and he knows it. Unless he's looking to join NAMBLA, he's probably going to distance himself from you.

[warriormaiden]

Whoa.

I think, this guy is more shaken up about his sexuality, then the age thing. It sounds like he's confused on who he is. Good thing you guys are in UK, or he would be SO locked up right now.
But wait..........
isn't the age of consent 16 anyways? You're three days away from sweet 16, right? Yeah, he could still go to jail.
Don't freak, more than likely you don't have HIV. But I would go and get checked anyways, just to be sure.

Do you have to tell your parents if you were to go to a clinic or something?

[albert5855]

Almost everyone agrees that you likely do not have HIV.

The most difficult thing a man can do is confront his sexuality in a society that largely expects men to be with and marry women. We have a long road ahead of us here. However, most guys assess and realize what makes them happy. It is quite clear that he is hurting in some way and perhaps just needs time to process everything. If you really like him, the best advice I can give you based on my experience, is to take a step back and just be his friend. When he is truly ready for you and has matured emotionally from this, you will know. In other words, be there for him but don't expect anything in return such as sex. He will come around eventually. I have the utmost respect for you. You made a decision to be with this man and took charge of your own feelings. Most people your age have no clue what they are. You are different, you know who you are. This is absolutely refreshing. All my best wishes to you as you continue your journey. It will certainly be interesting. :-D