Should I even bother asking this girl out for the 3rd time after leaving her jerk BF?

[X-tricker]

So after she breaks up with him 3 or maybe 4 times with him, she still wants to get back with him, when I try to ask her out to a movie. After they get together its the same crap over and over, and I really don't see why she is running in circles like this. Sure I understand they share feelings about each other which would give her a reason to stay with him.

She's a nice girl and she deserves better, and I want to make myself better, and just taking her out on a couple dates wouldn't be bad. not like I'm throwing myself into a relationship either so there's no pressure for her when I ask her out, but now that its the 3rd time, I'm kinda holding back from it, because I don't want to just keep trying, and its kinda hard to find someone else, when nobody seems to look like they even like me.

I need to leave my stupid immature friends and find a nice GF.
I wish I didn't have these scars on my face. Would look handsome without them.

[SinghTB]

Society has a way of emphasizing relationships with the opposite sex as the ultimate way of fulfilling life's desires, but this is not true! I might be misinterpreting the question, so I'll give multiple answers.

1. If this is the third time her boyfriend broke up with her and you've already asked her out a couple times, don't ask her out again. She needs time to recuperate. I'm sure she doesn't want to jump into another relationship right after her break up. You can help by being a supportive friend.

2. If this is the 3rd time her boyfriend broke up with her and you HAVEN'T asked her out already, give it a shot. Just give her some time first so she can be emotionally ready.

[X-tricker]

Yeah thats good advice. I think she needs time too.

For a few months I can just simply leave her alone then later I could just talk to her like you are advising in #1. I had shared a couple of my problems with her, and she talks to me. That's why I like her, and want to have in a relationship. A caring and nice person who can work to understand me, as I would do the same for her.

The funny thing about me is: I never had been in a relationship, but I can understand why some people's relationship are not going so well.

[Syph]

So after she breaks up with him 3 or maybe 4 times with him, she still wants to get back with him, when I try to ask her out to a movie. After they get together its the same crap over and over, and I really don't see why she is running in circles like this.

The reason why they go with "jerks" is because most "jerks" are softies on the inside and "bad" on the outside. The outside part makes them interesting. It makes them easygoing and a fun time. Girls never tell guy mates this because it would hit them that the "jerks" have all they have and more.

She's a nice girl and she deserves better,

No... she doesn't want "better" going out with someone "better" would equate to stable which in her mind is boring. Young female psychology is a contradiction.

and I want to make myself better, and just taking her out on a couple dates wouldn't be bad. not like I'm throwing myself into a relationship either so there's no pressure for her when I ask her out, but now that its the 3rd time, I'm kinda holding back from it, because I don't want to just keep trying, and its kinda hard to find someone else, when nobody seems to look like they even like me.

Sounds to me like your wallowing in your own self-pity. Don't do it.

And there is no pressure when you ask her out... what? You can be casual about it but you could drop hints i.e. find an excuse to touch her hand or arm (like a comforting touch on the arm when she complains about something), be flirty (accuse her of asking you out), compliment her and tease her (avoid subjects of obvious insecurity). At least that way she knows you're interested again. Only make the move to ask her out when you can get away with the first, second and last one.

For maximum points stand up to her ex- boyfriend if he come back. Don't get in a fight or cower away just stand your ground and tell him to leave her alone.

I need to leave my stupid immature friends and find a nice GF.
I wish I didn't have these scars on my face. Would look handsome without them.

Bad attitude... there is no reason to leave your friends. And quit your self pity, if you get out there rather than focussing on one girl you'll find someone "Mr. I've never had a relationship". I used to be like you now I'm a better person now and I emulate "bad boy" behaviour to come over as interesting.

[X-tricker]

I think I'll just be myself, thank you . I learned the hard way what happens when you act a certain character and develop a ego.

[Syph]

I think I'll just be myself, thank you . I learned the hard way what happens when you act a certain character and develop a ego.

Yet you complain about the scars on your face! It's obvious that you want to change. You even want to leave your friends!

The changes you would make are not big. Being confident, playful and interesting are all you need. Jerks have these qualities that women like, take it from them.

[Shark]

This guy probably puts her through an emotional whirlwind, girls get addicted to that kind of stuff. She probably has no interest in you. Don't be so attached to her, that's probably why she hasn't said yes to your approaches. If your not a challenge, she won't find you attractive. Have sex with 50 other girls before approaching her again and you'll see her in a new light.

[X-tricker]

yeah. one night stands wouldn't be all that bad. . Yeah my life is ok, and if she doesn't want to date me thats fine because I can keep my values of being single, until its relationship time. Relationships can be overrated sometimes. Not that I'm immoral or anything, but really don't we just want sex, and be happy? I'm not going for hard to get, or complicated. either they like me or they don't and if they don't like me then I don't care.

[Syph]

yeah. one night stands wouldn't be all that bad

You'll probably devalue yourself in your own eyes if you do this.

Yeah my life is ok, and if she doesn't want to date me thats fine because I can keep my values of being single, until its relationship time. Relationships can be overrated sometimes. Not that I'm immoral or anything, but really don't we just want sex, and be happy? I'm not going for hard to get, or complicated. either they like me or they don't and if they don't like me then I don't care.

Sex doesn't equate happiness and neither do relationships. Happiness comes from rich experiences where you are doing stuff you like. Non-sexual experiences are sometimes happier than sexual ones especially if you get burned during the break up.

[X-tricker]

sounds like its all overrated now. I don't care if people say "Oh your not ever going to get laid". "You need to get laid". is just a cultural thing that I don't give into. I bet there are a lot of guys who never get laid, and I think that's ok.

I don't know. Life is probably only going to get more complicated if I'm with a girl, and really no offense but the girls that act like they like me but don't want to go out, are kinda flirts, which isn't bad, but its not good if people are faking it.

Yeah, I do see sick guys who just wanted to get laid in college. He even did one night stands a couple of times. but then again how else do you get laid?

and btw, i'm not one of those guys who just wants it, I am trying to experience something, to determine whether I should do it again.

[SinghTB]

X-tricker, you are absolutely right in the majority of your insight.There is much more to life than being consumed by the primal desires of sex, and even high profanity itself. There are those who are deluded enough that they feel as though living a respectable life would be all good.....after they immerse themselves with every sphere of complete immorality. The truth is though, is that beyond all these narrow, short-lived pleasures, once discarded from view, is decency,success, and achievement. We must be content with what we already posses (albeit cheesy), for if we lived for an unobtainable tomorrow, we would never be at peace. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, and do not stress so much about this situation, for it might not be worth your time. You have tried full hard and well, and if you wish, you may try again, but do not be discouraged by failure, (get ready for another cheesy line) for the seas of life carry much turmoil in their boundless waves, and you must not be caught in the undercurrent, for if you are instead confident and trusting in new life, it will guide you to new awakening. The last line was a bit much I know, but I made my point. ^_^

[X-tricker]

Yeah, the way I want someone always fluctuates, but then I learned something back then: Do I really want to own a girlfriend to say I have one, to say she is the best thing I have, (obviously the "owning" notion kinda gets to me). Well now I'm more conscious than crazy now. I don't see the point in a relationship right now, (but yeah I didn't feel that way when I started this thread).