Help-am I overreacting? is it culture thing? or difference in genders?

[chienetloup]

I just had a fight with my boyfriend. It was triggered by a tiny and absurd thing. My boy friend's ex is retrieving her things ( they broke up last year and she got married this year), as they lived together for some years, we can imagine there are plenty of things they bought together. When it comes to a camera, his ex said my boyfriend could take it since her husband has a good one. Later when I learned it, I got angry for my boyfriend for thinking he had been belittled by his ex as if he (and I) couldn't afford a camera and have to pick up sth she doesn't need. I just can't take the camera as it is not given as a gift.

So I told my boyfriend in the email what I felt about the whole thing, and said we could buy a new camera by ourselves that he could decline the camera. My boyfriend replied immediately to me. First of all, he said his ex didn't act like I decribed, she wanted the camera too, but mentionning her husband has a good one only to persuade us to accept the gift. She meant all good. Then he said he would give the camera away if I don't want it (which means he will still take it as she ordered).

My irritation once down was completely stirred again. I couldn't understand why his first response is to take her side and fight me back. He denied it was defending. And he didn't understand why I get so upset for no big deal and why I concentrate on the past her instead of our happy future. Frankly, after the fight, I am confused too. Maybe it is just because I am woman, I don't grow up in America, or I am overwhelmed by jealousy that I lost an objective view?

My questions are 1, what do you guys think? In your eyes, can that be counted as a defending?
2, am I really oversensitive like my boyfriend thinks that I shall just happily let it go?
3, If you were the guy in the story, what would you do? would you have insisted in explaining that your ex' good intention and refused to decline her or just do what your girlfriend said as it is nothing about your principles and you don't want to insist a no big deal which she disliked so much?

A little background: I agreed his remaining friends with his ex-girlfriend, and never against their seeing/calling/emailing each other. I am a mature woman over thirty, believing in every one has his/her old story and feelings that need to be respected.

Guys, please help me with providing your thoughts, no matter how bitter, calling me insane are alright with me. I need your objective views as a third party. Did I ask too much in my case? all answers are welcomed.

[lahnnabell]

You're not THAT mature if you're getting all wound up over a freaking camera that they bought together during their now EX relationship. They're trying to sort out of the final details so that she can go live a happily married life, and he can get on with his relationship with you.

You need to learn to pick your battles. This one is not a big deal. I don't get why you thought she meant YOU any disrespect anyway, this camera business has nothing to do with you really.

[xxazurexx]

^^I agree.

I think you totally over reacted and went way overboard.

Jesus, I'd have better things to worry over than a frigging camera!

[vashti]

I think it was very nice of her to give your BF the camera, and your reaction is ridiculous.

You might want to learn to reign in your insecurities. It WILL become tiresome, and quite honestly, I wouldn't tolerate it for long.

[Charlie Boy II]

cough, cough, and now to hear it from a male: you're being insane. The girlfriend was being nice. What culture are you from, that probably has a lot to do with it. In Western societies camera are not symbols of wealth. It is generally presumed everyone who wants one can afford one.

[vashti]

oops, I'm not a male. hahaha

[VincenzoG91]

Sometimes a camera is just a camera.

[girl68]

You went way overboard. You flipped out over his ex giving a camera to him. You clearly don't understand the division of property on friendly terms.

[Gigabitch]

In my opinion, this isn't about a camera. It's about the fact that his continuing connection with his ex makes you uncomfortable and it's coming out all sideways and crazy.

You know what? It's okay if you want him to stop being "friends" with this person he used to have sex with. There's nothing wrong with that.

[chienetloup]

Thanks everybody. I appreciate all of your replies that make me reflect how I look like in others eyes. I think I was a little insane over an old camera. But as you can imagine, it was not the first time that my boyfriend defends his ex and keeps a perfect image of her. And I have been tolerating so far. The camera thing was just a trigger. I understand him and not object to their friendship, I can see she's nice in his eyes.What I can't understand is why he can't keep this fact to himself and must jump to explain for her when I misinterpret her. And someone is right too here that I have no idea of the division of properties in friendly terms.

About my misunderstanding of disrespect, it maybe different ideas of gifts in two cultures. In my experience, it can be called a gift when I give a friend sth I really like it myself, or I want to have for myself. I never gave sth I don't want to a friend and call it a gift.

Of course, the camera is very cheap, as much as the cost of dining in a good restaurant couple times for me. I told him we could buy a better one if needed. It is such a cheap and small thing that I think I wouldn't insist in getting from my ex if my boyfriend claims clearly that he doesn't like it. because I don't want to insist my idea in no big deals at the cost that it would make my loved one unhappy. That's the way I love, I just discovered he couldn't do the same thing for me.

Besides, I had doubt he may have a lot of feelings for his ex secretly if he can't get over an old camera despite my dislike. If so, I think it is better for me to stop now and leave him to his right one. That's my idea before.

Now, after getting all of your responses, I think it over again, realizing I did go overboard. I have my way of love, but others have theirs. I have admitted my overreacting and apologized to him. He said he should have considered my feelings more before he explained more about his ex's good intention.

Thanks you all for taking your time replying to a stranger in the internet. Wish everyone could find the one they really love.

[warriormaiden]

Good thing you've calmed down. Because you sure were acting loony in your first post. Who gets THAT upset over a CAMERA? It's not like you paid for it.