I'm in love with 2 men and both are completely different

[lori30]

I'm confused and really need the advice of the forum. I'm in love with 2 men and for different reasons. I fell in love with Donnie shortly after my breakup with Bill. At first I thought my feelings for Donnie was based on the rebound factor because when Bill dumped me I was torn, cried for days and had nowhere to go. Donnie is the cousin of a good friend (female) of mine who took me in when Bill kicked me out after accusing of me cheating, which I did not do.

Bill and Donnie are totally different types of guys. Bill is controlling and jealous and puts me down at times making me cry. Even when we have a good time out when we return home he starts calling me names and accusing me of ignoring him. The problem is Bill can also be so sweet and sensitive. Bill is also very financially secure and yes, that does make me feel safe. He has several houses, vacation homes, boats, bikes, etc. I admit I like these things. Bill is many years older than me and I really never had a problem with the age difference. He is 55 and I'm 32. Last week Bill and I talked and he promised to change his controlling behavior. We held each other and both cried, it felt so good to be back in his arms and back at the house I called home for 2 years. So I moved back in with Bill. However, I can't get Donnie out of my mind, I love him so dearly and I knew I hurt him when I returned to Bill. I knew Donnie for 6 months prior to our brief relationship and I always was attracted to him from the moment we met. I swear I feel in love with him on first sight. He is so opposite of Bill being sweet, complimentary, trusting, funny and passionate. We had so much fun during our brief time together, we could not keep our hands of each other. Donnie does okay financially (he owns a small business) but nowhere near Bill. Donnie is 40 and very attractive and he does flirt with other women. Still, he is all I think about and want to be with him so much. I'm still not sure if the feelings for Donnie were based on the rebound but after returning to Bill I eager to see Donnie. My friends tell me Bill will only return to his controlling ways and my friend (Donnie's cousin) said I probably blew the love of my life by returning to Bill. I just don't know what to do.

[Alvy]

Your friends are probably right on this. Let's see, Bill accuses you of cheating and he's verbally and emotionally abusive. Sounds like Donnie actually makes you feel happy, while Bill merely makes you feel secure. You may not have the same material luxuries with Donnie, but he's not struggling to pay the bills or food, and best of all, he doesn't sound like a control freak.

[RdHrshyKss]

why did you go back to bill? was it just for the financial security? i'm sure donnie isn't thinking so highly of you for ditching him to go back to someone who treated you badly. you shouldn't be with someone who you don't love, and who doesn't love you in return just because they make a lot of money. leave bill, and try to earn donnie's trust back. if donnie has lost interest because of what happened, you would be better off alone to find someone else. this bill guy sounds like a tool who thinks that because he makes a lot, he has the right/power to control his partners and belittle them. does he have a small penis? i'm thinking that might be it...

[Incognito]

Well Lori30, I'm not sure if you realize this or not but you are proving correct the notion that "nice guys finish last". Most successful guys are jerks (not all, but most), that's how they get to be successful. If at 55 he hasn't learned how to not be controlling he never will. Do you think that you were his first relationship? It is highly unlikely. All the others probably left because of his verbal and emotional abuse. Things are not worth abuse. Going back to him says a few negative things about yourself, unfortunately. It makes you look, weak, materialistic, and lazy (since you seem to emphasize having all of these things that you didn't work for yourself or together). You may be none of those things, but it makes you look that way. If love is your aim see if Donnie will forgive you and explain to him that Bill "sweet talked you" and you believed him in a moment of weakness. If money and financial security is what you want then stop thinking about Donnie, enjoy all your "toys" and security and expect more of the same from Bill. What will you do if he throws you out again?

[Gigabitch]

Going back to Bill was tacit acceptance of his behavior. It's only a matter of time before he does this again. The balance of power is way off between the two of you. You're just another one of his things, to do with as he sees fit.

[RdHrshyKss]

awww, you thanked each other for your posts! sooooo cute

[Incognito]

What, you didn't know that me and giga were an item?
Joking of course. Giga is happily married, but I do get along with her very well her..... -she's on my "short list"-

[RdHrshyKss]

haha, you guys are awesome

[RdHrshyKss]

i wonder if lori ended up staying with bill, getting back with donnie, or going solo...

[NBT]

I'm not sure if you'll even see this reply (since you haven't posted again after your INITIAL post) but I'm gonna throw my two cents in anyway:

The problem with women who date guys like Bill, is they allow the rare occasions where the guy is NICE, to completely outweigh the times where he is MEAN.

A guy can be an asshole six days a week. But if he's extremely nice and sweet to you on the 7th day, you'll actually think he's CHANGING, and forget about the other six days.

That ^^ is a MISTAKE.

I see it, Donnie sees it, your friends see it, and the people on this board giving you advice right now see it.

The only person who REFUSES to see it, is YOU. And THAT'S only because you don't WANT to see it.

You WANT to believe that Bill will change, so you BELIEVE him when he says he WILL. It's EASIER than accepting the fact that he's an asshole, who WON'T change.

[IndiReloaded]

Most successful guys are jerks (not all, but most), that's how they get to be successful. If at 55 he hasn't learned how to not be controlling he never will.

This^, all the way. Its not that he couldn't learn (perhaps) but he doesn't respect you enough to try. Sorry. This is his problem tho, you don't need to put up with it.

Going back to Bill was tacit acceptance of his behavior. It's only a matter of time before he does this again. The balance of power is way off between the two of you. You're just another one of his things, to do with as he sees fit.

Yep. He won't ever see you as his equal. He probably couldn't handle his female equal--I know guys like this. You need to make your own money and be self-sufficient. Don't rely on nice Donny for this either.

[TheTooya]

This is a mistake. My mother, 45, ditched the nice guy for the more successful guy about 7 or 8 years ago.

Now, after my parents get in a fight, she will say, "why did I ever leave him..."

Yes, my mom is more financially stable. But, now... she is "stuck." If she were to leave her Bill, then she would be left with nothing (perhaps debt even.)

:/ Don't stay with the abusive guy, people never change... really, they don't.