Ups and Down

[JebBrown]

Hey everyone, just need a little bit advice on what to do here.

About 2 months ago my girlfriend and I split up, I made alot of changes and she hasnt at all. We had one run in where she came to my (which used to be the place both of us lived) apartment and we talked and it turned into us sharing a kiss, her telling me she missed me and belived we met for a reason etc. Then the next day it was back to "not knowing what she wanted and wanted to continue what she has been doing, which is sleeping around, drinking excessively, always at the club and doing drugs which scares me, this was about a month and a half ago, this past saturday i received a phonecall from one of her friends because she was found by a club employee in the back alley behind the bar unconscious and not responding, she od'd on ghb, aka the date rape drug, she wasnt drugged though, she took it herself. So knowing I should be the last person to go and help her, but though i do love this girl i went and got her and her friend and for 3 days following the incident she stayed with me apologized for everything and wanted to move to a new town go back to school and start fresh, with me. we enjoyed a family dinner at her parents house and things were looking awesome. so i dropped her off before work 2 days ago and soon as that happened we talked later that day and now once again its back to not knowing what she wants, she agreed to go to a detox centre and stop drinking and get her life back on track and she now denies wanting to detox or get on the right path, and as for me she wants me to forget her because i dont deserve what shes done and she dosnt want to hurt me but i know the person she is being isnt the real her. what do i do!?!?!?! i wanna stick by her side and prove to her i truly care, how do i make her see this. i need some serious advice

[lahnnabell]

This girl is messed up. She needs to sort herself out. If you want to be around then make it your decision because I guarantee that if you stick around you'll be dealing with more of this BS. She's probably gonna have to fall several times before she really gains the desire to help herself out of this hole. Most of us only learn to make necessary changes when we're forced to deal with our issues. You coddling her and taking her in every time she has a problem is only enabling her behavior.

[Gigabitch]

Let her bottom out and realize she's lost everything, including you. It's important.

[JebBrown]

so what do i say to her then, she says she dosnt think we should see eachother but when shit screws up its always me to pick up the pieces what do i say to her now...

[lahnnabell]

The next time she calls you for help you need to calmly, but firmly explain that while you care about her, you can't keep doing this. She needs to learn to be responsible for herself and at this rate she will only learn when someone else isn't going to be there to fix her problems. She's probably going to cry hysterically and become very dramatic, but you need to stand strong. She will not learn anything if you keep enabling her, and you'll be stuck in this cycle.

[JebBrown]

ok and as of now do i keep contact with her or ignore her completely?

[Aeradalia]

You may have to be prepared to ignore her. People don't end up in detox until they've exhausted all other resources -- just one of those things.

[JebBrown]

so do i tell her what, i love and care for her but i cant keep contact, or do i stay in touch and care for her and be nice?

[sunnybunny8212]

Of course you love her and want to be there for her, but there has to be a time where and when she takes her
Own responsibilities, and does not become reliant on you.
You're hurting yourself in the process, and she needs to find herself.
It's called Tough Love. If your nice all the time, there's only a matter of time until she starts taking
Advantage of you and the situation, and moving on afterwards.

<3