Freshly Opened Relationship...

[dave_s]

hi there, im new to these forums but ive read through some posts and quite frankly i need someone to talk to, because in these kinds of situations being heard and not seen is a plus. also im a little embarrased i suppose.

it all started months ago i suppose when me and my wife of 1 year ( we have been together for 5 years total now) decided that an open relationship may be a fun idea, we were both virgins when we met, and have only ever had sex with eachother, so there is always that curiosity of "what is sex like with other people?" we have a fairly healthy sex life with very few bumps along the way, the largest was based on a medical condition relating to a miscarraige a few years ago, but we have made a full recovery since then and are now trying for a baby again which further complicates what happened two nights ago.

I work in a warehouse and she works the front desk at a hotel, both of us work from 11pm to 7am, the night shift. she usually has people hit on her and deals with many drunks leaving bars at around 2:30 - 3 and i visit her at 3 on my lunch break, this particular day a group of drunk guys came in and one in particular caught her eye, the sofisticated british type, short rock hard body he hit on her non stop until i got there at 3, and continued when i left, thinking nothing of it ( i trust her more than anyone in this world, i know everyone says that about there wives and that theirs is better than anyone elses but we are truly bonded) so i went back to work and received a txt at about 4 that he asked her if he could go behind the desk and eat her out, she said no of course because she is married and work is not really the place. i told her that maybe she should let him and have a fun time, she said no and that it felt weird, and eventually i convinced her that maybe this was a good chance to get some lovin on the side (without fear of course. i know my wife) and apparently they talked all night and he went to tim hortons in the morning, im quite busy in the mornings so we didnt txt much and i didnt really know what was going on, needless to say, when i went to pick her up after we were done work, she told me he was waiting in the nearby coffee shop for me to pick up and take home, she asked me if i wanted to watch, and that it would just be oral, he initially just wanted to eat her out, she decided it would be good to repay the favor to him, and he did not complain.

So we picked him up and proceeded home in the most akward car ride i could possibly imagine, when we got home i gave her tips to get ready and get sexy before they started, thats when she told me it was her fantasy to have us both ( i knew long ago that she had fantasized about two men at once before but this was unexpected) i agreed for her sake and she got ready and i chatted (without eye contact, at least on my part) with the man who would be pleasuring my wife, long story short, it was me him and her, it was not just oral, and it was two hours later when we stopped, she was happy, he was happy, i was... uncomfortable he went home twenty minutes later. me and my wife chatted about it and i found out what she enjoyed about it and what she didn't

Since then, she is planning to sleep with him again, this time without me, i know that its something she wants, and i want her to be happy, i know lots of people dont get how open relationships work, but its based on the fact that it is pleasure, excitment and adventure, not love that being said, it is still akward, i still feel sick to my stomach and to an extent im afraid of losing her, i think its based on my fears, as i know she loves me and i know he is leaving the country permanently soon, she has two days to potentially have sex with him, and in my head i say, "please no please no please no" but at the same time, i know why she wants to do it, and i know i want the same things, and i shouldnt be a hypocrite about it. of course we have been talking since then. and she knows what i think and how i feel, which is only confusing her more, she wants it, but she doesnt want me to be sad or upset about it, which im not, the feeling i feel is simply uncomfortable but who would not be. i think she is at the point now where she is going to decide if she wants me back to normal or wants him, and ive told her i will be fine once it is done, i hope i will, now she is napping, 2 hours til work, i suppose i will find out soon enough what she decides.

I suppose in summary i have a few questions, for anyone who can read all that without falling asleep.

Should i tell her how i really feel and make her cut it off with him, there is already a chance nothing else will happen, but she may resent me for forcing it.

Is it really wrong of me to have sex with other women and feel this way about her having sex with other men? really its the same thing, does or will she feel the same way about another woman?

Am i crazy for even letting it happen? or at the very least for encouraging it?

[OCEANNE]

I think I am not in the position to advise on what to do especially since that this kind of situation or idea is too distant a possibility for me to be involve with. But I must say that since you already are feeling guilty for allowing this act or getting affected from what has happened, then, you should do something as to not make things too complicated to the point that it might not be fixed anymore. You and your wife seem to be both open characters especially on your fantasies. You're lucky, maybe, because you get to be honest to each other about this. I'm pretty sure a lot of couples out there may share the same things you have but since they are a bit concerned about related issues concerning it, (jealousy, moral inclinations....) they will just not do something about it...and grow old frustrated. With your case, since you know your wife better than anyone else here, weigh it based on her character if she will be able to understand what your going through right now even if you have initially welcomed the thought positively. It still pays to be honest with your real feelings to your wife. As to having sex with someone else, again, ask yourself that if it's really what you want and if you can be able to take all the possible regret or backfires just for the sake of fulfilling a fantasy, it's already for you to answer. You're a young couple and we are living in a more advanced society....No one has the right to dictate your own happiness. If these things can make you grow into a more mature and happy couple, then go for it. Stay happy you two!

[marc1983]

I think your right I don't think I could cope with my misses sleeping with someone else, but I know I could have sex with someone else and it be just that. Only you know your wife so only you could make the judgement on if this could turn into an issue.

Personally I would bottle it up, both accept it as a fantasy that you tried. It sounds like she doesnt want to hurt you, so I highly doubt if you said you dont like the sound of this she would hold it against you. Personally I would be too worried she will get a taste for it and if you already arent sure now imagine how you will feel x amount of times late, by that time she might be more reluctant to stop.

Also worth considering is safety she is asking to meet him alone do you both really know this guy enough?

I think these open relationships open a huge can of worms that should really be left shut, but obviously your choice and bottom line do what makes you happy!