My girls body issues hurting our relationship.

[THX]

My girlfriend is thick. She would probably be moved to tears if she heard me use that word to describe her. For me I'm all about it. She thinks shes fat. I think she's perfect.

I was hoping as she saw my adoration for her she would relax into feeling sexy around me but the issue is not budging.(e.g.) I want her to sit on my lap and put my arms around her but she always says no and feels justified in doing so. I try to be understanding and respect her but sometimes I just want to say , "Snap the *$#@ out of it! Your sexy. Your beautiful. Now can we PLEASE just have a normal relationship???"

She also has an issue with being gone down on. She thinks her female equipment is "Gross" and getting her to let me go down on her is like working out a middle east peace treaty.

I don't know what to do. I feel like my enthusiasm for her has so many restrictions that it just kills a natural free flowing in the moment build up. Like everything is going great and then the breaks get slammed on because I crossed some body insecurity issue she has.

I need help. Please and thank you!

[crazysam87]

since you keep telling her how perfect she is to you the only thing left to do is to wait for the next time that happens and tell her ur bored of hearing complains about herself and how it makies you feel...that may sound cheap but in fact it might be the only way for her to realize shes actually perfect! im no expert but being a bit aggressive helps when you tried everything else. im not talking about being rude and violent btw lol

[vashti]

Girls are taught to hate their bodies, and all the damage done during adolescence takes a while to resolve. I agree that telling her you are bored with hearing about it may help, and if it doesn't, you may want to just move on to someone who in more emotionally healthy. Some women never outgrow it, and I can't imagine anyone wanting to hear about it for any significant length of time.

I think it would also be helpful if she were doing something more important with herself than sitting around thinking about her body. She needs to develop some healthy self-esteem, and you don't get that by having your boyfriend tell you that you are sexy. You get that by doing something that meaningful. Maybe she can look into doing some sort of volunteer work? Especially with people whose bodies are sick.

[Kelsey777]

Perhaps you and her could have a discussion on what beauty is...its cultural variations, what you find beautiful, what she finds beautiful and why. An open and friendly discussion of the topic, may open her awareness that beauty concepts extend beyond the media of the United States, and maybe help her realize that what she thinks about the matter may not be correct at all. That might be helpful, because no fingers will be pointed, as long as she keeps an open mind.
Self Image issues are extremely difficult to get over. I suffered an eating disorder for some years, and it's not pretty. You may want to make sure she hasn't developed one, because if she has...that is a whole other can of worms.

[doppelgaenger]

Every single girl I've ever known has had an insecurity about the way they look.

Sit her down and explain to her how this is NOT your issue with her - you're attracted to her (don't go over the top with the 'perfect' bullshit.) instead this is HER problem, and it's starting to get in the way of the relationship. She is insecure about her own looks. Tell her how she's not letting you be affectionate the way you want to be and it's making you unhappy. Tell her if she is unhappy with the way she looks, then she needs to make an effort to please herself. You love her and you're behind her supporting her 100% of the way and you will be there to do anything for her.

[Gigabitch]

Girl needs some Ecstacy.

[Jas_mine]

Get her drunk!

Seriously though, if she has deep-set issues about her appearance and what not nothing you say will change what she believes - ultimately it's not what you think about her, it's what she thinks about herself. It's already stuck in her head.