Is he married?

[pinkytoes]

I have been trying to search answers online to see if anyone is in my position but I honestly didn't know where to begin. Maybe you guys and gals can help me think logically here.

I have been 'seeing' a guy from my company's NY office on and off for 4 months now. Things only get heated up when he is in town but when he is out of town, we hardly speak. He was in town last week and we had a great time when he was here, I spent 2 really good nights with him and thought things were looking up. I though do not plant much hope in him as he is way beyond my league. He is incredible eligible and could get any women he wants.

Anyway, I was on a high after the two nights of course but only to find out from another colleague while on a casual conversation that he thought NY dude was married and had a kid. I know this other colleague used to like me and has told me before that he found me attractive and was keen on dating me but I turned him down 3 years ago as he was a lot younger and I really only think of him as a junior colleague. I did not indicate anything about my relationship with the NY dude and I am pretty sure no one at work is aware so from that point of view, I don't think he said it on purpose or to be malicious. But since the convo with junior colleague, I can't help but wonder if NY dude is married. I don't want to ask around for fear of raising eye brows. He told me he isn't married and is still looking for miss right n thinks he has found her (me?).

Curiosity rose from:
1. Junior colleague thinking he was married with a kid
2. we only communicate properly when he is in town, emails and sms occasionally calls but nothing more than that, only when we both have time to do so and he knows I am in the middle of splitting up with a clingy and vulnerable ex (ex is mentally weak and not acceptable of split n I worry about his wellbeing hence am more hush about my new feelings)

I do really like NY dude but at the same time don't know if he is being truthful. I don't want to be in a relationship or even a possible relationship with a married man.

On communication, I can see it increasing more on his part after the two nights we spent (first time we spent the night together). He calls every other day now when I am at work and I really like how it is progressing but deep down I am not surprised if he is married. How do I really find out? I have asked him and he usually answers, what makes you ask me that? If I am, I won't be here or I think I just only recently found the girl I wanna spent my life with.. along those lines.

Pretty confusing. Any words of wisdom appreciated.

[lahnnabell]

It's highly possible considering that he does not contact you at all until he's within earshot. The rest of the time he maintains radio silence. How often do you guys see one another? And what do you do? If you spend all weekend locked in a hotel room together, I'd say he's only down for one thing. And I don't see how he could really think that you're "the one" if he's unwilling to take your relationship beyond convenient hook ups when he comes to town.

Many signs point toward a possible D-bag.

[pinkytoes]

Thanks for replying. I can't help feeling a bit desperate today for answers.
We are both in advetising/ marketing so tend to travel quite a bit. I see him about once a month but in the last 2 mnths a little bit more often, he took up a project in UK and has been here at least every week in the last two months. I have a lingering ex that I am trying to gently let go for the last year now. I am suspicious about the lack of communication as well but thought it was because of ex n NY dude knows about ex.
Spending two days, we did go out and all and he isn't shy to hold me in public, we both never did discuss of how to handle with other colleagues though. I am with you and agree somehow gut feeling is right..
Worried that I am overthinking and will ulitmately lose an amazing guy if I don't give it a go
It's sad that I really want it to work out..

[xxazurexx]

Well firstly you said that when you asked, he said he wasn't married and then further down you say that when you asked if he was married he replied "what makes you ask me that? If I am, I won't be here or I think I just only recently found the girl I wanna spent my life with"

Guy doesn't seem to want to give you a straight answer and prefers to talk in riddles.

Therefore I think we can safely assume, he's married.

[warriormaiden]

He sounds like he's trying to find a way to lie, without ACTUALLY lying.

He's hiding something. I would be careful with this man.

[vashti]

He lives overseas? I would consider this a go-nowhere relationship, just based on THAT.

And yeah, he's probably married. Did you try to google his name? If you do, there are usually sites that offer up public info for free. (At least, here in the states.)

[cmacattack1]

First of all, don't idolize him and who he is. He's not out of your league and you deserve the very best. Good, glad we got that cleared up.

You guys may have a great time when you are together, and you really like him, so you wouldn't mind talking to him when he is gone right? If he liked you, logically wouldn't he feel the same way and want to talk to you and all that? It sounds like you are just something convienient for him and that's not a very good sign.

Okay so you are suspicious of your other colleague's behavior and think he is using that as leverage to try and get another shot at you. Totally understandable. I just feel that you are going to get let down if you keep chasing after this guy because he does enough to keep you hooked but if you want something more serious and meaningful, he just doesn't showed the ability to be a consistent force in your life. And isn't that what you want? A consistent good time?

You may think he is great and can get any girl he wants, but he's got flaws like the rest of us. And he isn't the only guy you can snag. Have a little confidence and don't settle for something that's good only when it fits in his schedule. You don't sound very important when he isn't around.

[pinkytoes]

Thank you all, I am actually quite surprise that by reading your responses, it kinda puts things into perspective and somehow reconfirm my doubts about this dude. I guess deep down, I probably already knew the answer and that he wasn't good news but you know the one part of me was so hoping that he was good for me and that he would actually really like me as much perhaps. I guess when something is too good to be true, it probably is not true or something along those lines... Sad but true huh. Oh gosh, upsetting to think I am such a fool for 'love'. How stupid! It is such a struggle though to clear my mind and let go let go let go...

Will have to get a grip of things again and not let him get a free ride I suppose.. The trouble though is when I am so ready to let go, he suddenly seems keen and keeps freaking calling me, emailing me and texting me, like wtf...
I just wish life was a little bit more simple, you meet, you fall in love, you live a happy ever after life. I think if I found out that he was married, I would be so dissapointed in myself.

Thanks again

[Jas_mine]

Maybe he has a girl in every town.

Am thinking that if he had found Miss Right in you, well, he would definitely be more smitten, not just when happens to be in town. As for him being married with a kid - that would be a fact not gossip. Just subtly ask around, nobody needs to suspect anything, you know, just for peace of mind but definitely distance yourself from him pronto.