Can a Man truly be loyal?

[Kelsey777]

I know women are guilty of cheating on men as well, but I just want to talk about the male aspect, because we are biologically different.

Can a man truly be faithful to one woman for years and years, or even for a couple years? Can a man be desired by a lot of women and still not cheat?

(I've been seeing an aspiring musician for a few years now...and in the back of my mind I worry women will go after him while he performs).

I know in many cases it depends on the individual...but do you think the likelihood of cheating is great? It seems cheating is all I hear about now days. It makes me wonder why being with someone sometimes.

[lahnnabell]

The problem is not the women. That is inevitable. And the problem is not that he's a musician. All sorts of guys get hit on all the time by other women, taken or not. The problem lies with him. Is he the attention-seeking type? Is he content with who he is? If he's truly content to be with you, no other woman will matter to him. He may look occasionally, but he'll know that he has a full-package with you.

From what I understand, men have a lot of sex as a means to convey their dominance and they enjoy it. That's why they place so much emphasis on numbers. They also enjoy the rush of feeling desired and wanted by someone. Who doesn't? This factor coupled with others can make for a complex situation though. Guys will cheat for various reasons just like women. However, I think women do more cheating when their needs aren't being met, whereas men tend to cheat for the purpose of boosting their egos (which I suppose could be considered a need, depending on who you are). I could be wrong, and I'm sure it goes both ways.

I dated a guy years ago that cheated on me because he was an attention seeker. He and I had great sex on a very regular basis, but when it came down to it he still wanted to mess around because he enjoyed the attention that other females willingly lavished upon him. It was like he couldn't say "No". I could tell that he cared for me as a person, but he could not help but put himself into compromising situations all the time. I eventually grew fed up and left for someone much more attentive and self-assured.

Another guy I dated hit a point in our relationship where he was bored. He told me he wanted to try an open relationship. I realize that he did this because a girl at work had a crush on him. He wanted to feel desired by other women. Again, he and I had very regular sex and I was even asking to push the envelop and try new things. He wasn't confident in himself, and was seeking validation from other females that "Yes, you are still desirable." So, I agreed to an open relationship and he screws this other girl and gives me permission to mess around myself. Turns out it wasn't so great for him. The moment I told some people, I had guys flocking to me. He flipped out. I tried to get us through another few months, but too much damage had been done. I tried to break it off, but he begged me not to, even though I was miserable. The result... I ended up cheating on him with a new guy for a month before I finally broke it off.

You need to pay attention to how this guy treats you. Is he attentive? Does he leave the spotlight to attend to you, or is he very self-involved? How does he introduce you to people? Is he far more affectionate in private than in public? These are all signs that reveal how seriously he feels about you.

[Gigabitch]

Yes, it's possible for men to be faithful. It's possible for someone to work around loads of money and never steal any and it's possible for someone to tell the truth when lying is easier. It's all about character. When it comes down to it, there's not a lot you can do to affect the end result. If he's a cheater, he's going to cheat. If he's not a cheater, he won't, even if someone tries to sit on his face.

[Cloud206]

From the age of 16 when i met my ex gf until now,when i am 22 years old i only slept with 1 girl,dreamed of 1 girl...it was her..so yes..men can be loyal,more loyal than a sunshine warming a womans skin.

[Incognito]

I agree. There is no generalization that will fit all men. It comes down to the individual. Perhaps what you should be asking yourself is whether or not you want to be in a relationship with someone who will have women throwing themselves at him and will (presumably) be away a lot. Some women cannot handle that, and rightly so. I don't think I could be married to a woman who was going to be away a lot and around people who could be considered fans. Eventually there will be someone who shows interest in your significant other that they feel something for.....its simple math really. You just have to hope that when it happens that your significant other doesn't act on their feelings because of loyalty to you.

[girl68]

Both my guys were 100% loyal.

[doppelgaenger]

I've always been loyal.

Maybe if you don't want a guy that parties like a rockstar, you shouldn't date a rockstar...

[Kelsey777]

I worried about cheating from every guy I dated. I've fallen harder for this guy than any of my exes, and we have been together three years. I have a codependent personality, which is very hard for me and him to deal with. Our first two years together was the worst, because I was extremely posessive, jealous, and controlling. I've been very insecure. I have been taking a lot of action to work on it, and I am much better than I was before. I know from upbringing, and other factors, I have deep stemmed trust issues. Somehow, i have been more insecure with this guy than any guy I dated. He works 6 days a week typically, but his schedule is always unpredictable. Sometimes he goes in at 8, 9, or even 10 in the morning. Sometimes he gets out at 5, sometimes 6 or 7. He comes over every day without fail, even if it is for a couple hours. In the winters before he got this job, he'd literally choose his hours. He answers the phone to me except when he's at work, but never calls me on his lunch.

As for public affection, he said he's not into it. He won't hold hands or anything like that. I would get upset with him, because he walks very fast, and he used to walk ahead of me instead of with me. One time me and his brother went fishing with him, he went in and out of the store without me...it was like I went by myself...but we were in a hurry that day. He doesn't do that anymore, but he still don't like to hold hands or anything like that. In private he is very affectionate...but typically I want to have sex more. We do it 2 to 3 times a week, 4 if im lucky...but he has a very physical job.My libido was always higher than his tho.

Also, when we go to parties at his mother's once or twice a year, he tells me not to be clingy with him there...well he specifically said, "Don't be up my ass," and I understand why he said that, because I tend to be, "up his ass"

He has so many things that make him happy, so many interests. On his days off he likes to work on his truck that he has been repairing for some time, and is road ready,among other things. I wrote a post on this in this section called, "Am I communicating correctly". He is doing better with that now too, he just spend the last two days with me. Today he's picking up a motorcycle, which will also take time to work on.

Which now makes me think...he has everything he needs to pick up another woman: He has A: an adorable dog, B: a guitar he plays well, and C: a kickass motorcycle....but he just likes them, I don't think hes trying to pick up women. At least, I hope not.

He just started playing guitar when we first started dating...and now he's thinking about getting involved with other musicians, or playing bars and stuff....which makes me really really nervous.

I have been working on myself a lot too, Im writing a novella to keep myself busy, I do artwork. I started losing weight that I gained since we started dating, so I'll be more attractive for him. And although I am codependent, I am improving with time. I just can't seem to shake the nervousness I feel with him.

[Kelsey777]

I've always been loyal.

Maybe if you don't want a guy that parties like a rockstar, you shouldn't date a rockstar...

You are right. the thing was, he just started playing guitar when we were first dating, as like a hobby. I didn't know he ever intended to try to play at bars or anything. He hasn't played anywhere yet..but opportunities are opening for him. Before me met he was a recovering addict. I never had any problems with him with drugs, other than the first year we dated when he smoked pot with my brother behind my back....and abused some pain meds....he has stopped that, that was in our first year together...never had a prob like that since.

Now Im afraid he might party like a rockstar......

[girl68]

Sounds like you should be talking to someone who knows their shit. A pshychologist or counsellor.

If you have a problem with no public affection you'd better get over it or dump it because I promise that will NEVER change.

[girl68]

Before me met he was a recovering addict. I never had any problems with him with drugs, other than the first year we dated when he smoked pot with my brother behind my back....and abused some pain meds....he has stopped that, that was in our first year together...never had a prob like that since.

He in AA (or something like it for addicts?)

[Kelsey777]

I am surprised he hasn't broken up with me...we have fought a lot...and he hates my behavior...and even if mines better now its still undesirable and a work in progress. Im dumbfounded hes still with me.

[Kelsey777]

From the age of 16 when i met my ex gf until now,when i am 22 years old i only slept with 1 girl,dreamed of 1 girl...it was her..so yes..men can be loyal,more loyal than a sunshine warming a womans skin.

The world needs more men like you :-)

[doppelgaenger]

Look, no offense, but this relationship does not sound like it's worth the effort. This guy is a druggie - he abuses substances. He is trying to get gigs in bars and stuff. He doesn't sound like he has a lot going for him in his life right now, or even his future. You'll have to ask yourself whether you want to be with that kind of guy, or if you want a solidified, bonafide, stable, longterm relationship, because I can tell you right now, the drugs will be a relentless problem in his life, he's probably going to try to live off his career as a bard, and none of that is going to provide you with the stability you need to have a healthy life. That may sound a little harsh, but you need to open your eyes and realize that this is a life-altering decision you will *have* to make.

So questioning his trustworthiness is just a feeble attempt to work out an array of issues you're having with this boy. Is it really worth the efforts though, if you're already fighting a lot and have all sorts of problems with his behavior, even just in the first year?

[doppelgaenger]

From the age of 16 when i met my ex gf until now,when i am 22 years old i only slept with 1 girl,dreamed of 1 girl...it was her..so yes..men can be loyal,more loyal than a sunshine warming a womans skin.

The world needs more men like you :-)

There are guys all around you who can be loyal, trustworthy boyfriends. The sad thing is that you've been in a crappy relationship long enough to have lost hope and have developed a skewed reality about men.

One of my best friends and current roommate was recently dumped by a girl who used him as a rebound relationship. She called him 'too nice' and all that shit. He was always buying her flowers and taking her out on dates and hell, he even introduced her to his parents. He has always been very loyal. Girls take advantage of that shit. He could have played her for 'easy poon' but didn't even do that.

I am in a relationship with someone I met on this forum. We've been together for two years. It's an LDR and she's from another country, oceans and distant lands away. We have spent most of that time apart and in fact, even spent the first 8 months only talking online and visiting through skype before we finally met each other. We've been faithful to each other through thick and thin. In fact, it pisses me off when anyone settles for anything less than that, because I put so much effort into love.