Should I break up with her even though I love her?

[notsureman]

I love my girlfriend. I thought I was in love before with other girls I've dated, but none have been like the one I'm with now. I smile just thinking of her, and see a long future with her. Or so I thought.

I've slowly been agreeing with myself on the issue that I'm not getting enough out of the relationship. I'm 20, she's 20. It's been great so far, but these past couple weeks have been making me question a few things.

We've been together for 6 months, and it's been the happiest time since my last relationship which ended with her going away to Australia for school. We mutually decided that we should stop seeing each other as it wouldn't work out. I'm still friends with her and can talk to her about my current love and she has given me advice.

My girlfriend is one of those girls that doesn't like being the center of attention and would rather be clingy towards me while we're out with a group of friends or whatever. She's been acting really clingy the last month or so. I guess it's because of her growing affection to me, which is understandable. However, the calls in the middle of the night and during the day, a number that can reach 6-7 times a day are completely unnecessary. After a while it's like...there's nothing left for me to say. She doesn't mind just being on the phone with me even if there's a 10 second pause of silence, but I'd rather not do this. I think it harms the relationship.

When I speak to her and tell her things she forgets right after, and tells me that I never said it. Even if I said it 2 seconds earlier. It's like she isn't listening to me, but expects me to listen to her all the time and help her out. I don't mind, but I need some back too.

We have hard schedules to meet up. She's either busy with work or I am. There's been a whole lot of late night coffees and not much else. We used to do so much together. Cook, go out, walk at the park, shopping, get dinner, grab a beer and just talk. It's really hard to do all that. Late night coffees are ok for a while, but I can't just do that all the time. We never get any real alone time where's it's just us two. We're always in a public place.

Which leads me to...

We've never had sex. I don't know why. I think it's the lack of private time we get, but even if we have her place or my place to ourselves in those rare occurrences, she always finds some little thing as to why we can't get intimate. She doesn't want to admit she isn't ready, and I've come to accept that, but with neither of us being virgins, why is she so hesitant? Forget the lack of sex, I just want to hold her, cuddle with her. It's been so long since I've had this pleasure with her. I need physical contact with her. Sex, cuddling in bed, anything. I need physical affection or else what do I have?

All these things have made me realize that I'm not getting much from this relationship anymore. I love her too much to break up with her, but maybe I should. I'm dating her, but with how things are and have been going the past little while, it seems as if we're just friends. Sadly, I can live without her 7 calls a day.

My friend, and former lover in Australia says it's time I break up with her.

I really don't want to. I love her, despite the lack of attention and affection I get, she's the greatest thing I have going on right now in my life. A breakup would hurt me as much as it would her.

...but it might be headed towards that direction.

What do I do?

[FNM]

First off, I think you are right to question your relationship. The incessant phone calls are unneeded and the low level of affection and attention that you are receiving is also a significant problem.

I wouldn't recommend jumping the gun, though. Don't just finish with her straight away. Let her know that she is calling too often and that you don't feel fulfilled, intimately. Then, give her a chance to prove that she can 'satisfy' you and that she can go easy on the phone calls. Things might get better. If they do not, it's probably time to cut the cord. It might be hard, but if it's evident that she isn't right for you, there's no point in flogging a dead horse.

I hope things work out for you man.

[VincenzoG91]

Relationships require good communication. Talk to her about your needs and desires, and try to work out a comfortable compromise. Enjoy love while you have it, don't throw it away.

[Jas_mine]

The thing I find most worrying about your scenario is the lack of physicality, I mean, you've only been together for six months, where has the passion gone dammit?! Either way, you need to be discussing your concerns with your current girlfriend and not your ex-girlfriend. She probably doesn't even realise what she is doing and how it is bugging you - open communciation is the best way to resolve your issues, and who knows maybe she will give you a few eye-opening home truths as well, maybe she acts in a certain way in response to your behaviour!

[lahnnabell]

I agree. Talk before you break up. Tell her why you don't like talking on the phone so frequently. I feel the same as you do. Sometimes I have nothing to say, and the idea of sitting on the phone in silence is silly. Sounds like she is pretty insecure and having you on the phone at least means you're involved with her and nothing else. This is no way to conduct a trusting relationship though. If she still continues this, consider letting some of her calls go to voicemail so she really gets the hint. If it's a dire emergency, she'll leave you a message, and you can ring her right back. If she called just to call, leave it alone. If she gets upset wondering why you didn't call her back, explain to her again that there was no reason to. She sounds like the type who might make up reasons though. I hope for your sake she's not.

The physical intimacy needs to be talked about as well. Explain completely what you mean. Don't insinuate that you want sex persay, but gush about how much you enjoy holding and cuddling her. See what she says about making more time for this.

[RdHrshyKss]

everything lahnnabell said