To have my cake or to eat it

[Belladonna]

So I have been talking to my ex via email for like the past two years (we broke up almost three years ago) our conversation ranges from just friends talking to conversations about us having sex, since we dated for two years and I never gave it up to him. Its my biggest regret that I didn’t lose my virginity to him. He was my first love and he broke my heart.
During one of the gaps in us talking, I got asked out to dinner by this guy in one of my classes. As a rule of thumb I do not date, because I do not want to get hurt and I am secretly still waiting on my first love. But that doesn’t stop me from having fun, oh no I’ve had a good bit of fun, fun that I chose not to tell my ex. So you know going out to dinner wouldn’t be bad at all. So I went and then we started hanging out. And somehow I don’t know how the hell it happened we got serious-ish. The night that we made if “facebook official” (god I hate that term) I get an email from my ex. My ex doesn’t have a facebook he thinks its going to be downfall of us all, so he knows nothing of my changed relationship status. So of course I reply back to him. So over the course of the past few weeks as my boyfriend and I get more serious the conversation between my ex and I also becomes more serious but granted we don’t talk every day.

On my birthday, my boyfriend almost slipped out the l word. And I knew then that I was falling for him. Then the other night he told me the reason he hadn’t said it yet was cause he knew I wasn’t ready to hear it yet. Which is the truth. The boy had been planning on going out of state to college after this year at our current university. But now hes talking about going somewhere else instate and staying here till I finish my degree. First of all I cant hold this boy back he was thinking about going there long before I came into the picture.

Now my ex and I’s conversation is border lining on cheating as he’s talking about when I come home for the summer how we should get together to fix my little regret. My boyfriend is the jealous type and so am I that’s part of the reason my ex and I broke up. My boyfriend’s last girlfriend cheated on him and he admitted to me that he trusts me more than he’s trusted anyone else he’s dated and he said he thought he would never trust anyone else again. I’m breaking that trust, and he doesn’t even know it and its killing me. Its literately making me sick to my stomach. His mother even said I was a keeper. I donno about that.

I know I have to choose, I realize that I’m not stupid enough to think that I have my cake and eat it too. I just don’t know how to choose. Do I stay with the guy who treats me SOOO well would give me the world, and very may well be able to and who I am falling for quite hard especially when I thought I would never be able to love again. Or do I choose the guy who had my heart from day one. My first love. The guy who I am convinced I am meant to be with , if not now then later, the guy who I have waited over three years for. The guy who I am obvioulsy still in love with. If I chose my ex should I end it now, or wait until I know for sure I have him and he won’t slip away again? OR should I just give up on him and move on, but how can I move on when I have that one regret and the thought of not having him in m life at all scares me to death. But I know if I leave my boyfriend Ill regret it and miss him too. Please Please I need advice like what would you do in my situation?

[Mish]

The way I see it, if a relationship has failed why go back to it? I don't see any reason to go back to the person who broke your heart. Nothing has changed, he's bound to do it again. Stick with the person who hasn't broken your trust. Cut the ex off.

[Cloud206]

Ask your heart what wants to do.But be prepared.

[Jas_mine]

You are already cheating on new bloke with ex bloke. You can't honestly be really into him if you are still continuing some form of dalliance with your ex. Also, you say you have been conversing with him for the past two years - do you not think that if it was meant to be with him it would have happened by now? Why the delay? I feel with him it just might be because you never slept with him, you might just be something he feels an incessant need to 'conquer'. Either way I think you are being completely unfair to your actual boyfriend, if you can't provide him with the love and attention he deserves then you should set him free so that he can find somebody who truly appreciates him, not somebody who is still pining for her ex.

[lahnnabell]

So, you want to return to a guy who already broke your heart? Why? So you can give him your psuedo-virginity? Sounds like your ex is only sticking around so he can try and stick it in you. You actually think he's gonna stay once he's gotten laid by you? You guys have kept each other on the hook for years now. And you think that all this correspondence is him trying to win you back or something? If you think you'd had your fun, I can only imagine how much fun your ex has had.

I feel bad for this other guy you're seeing. He has no idea.

[IndiReloaded]

Or do I choose the guy who had my heart from day one. My first love. The guy who I am convinced I am meant to be with , if not now then later, the guy who I have waited over three years for. The guy who I am obvioulsy still in love with.

You've already made up your mind, you just won't admit what you want b/c it doesn't make 'sense'.

So, while I will tell you it makes far more sense to stay with your current beau, its not really who you want. You are being selfish and unfair to him if you can't give him your whole heart.

Go back to your first love. Regret is a bitch. If it doesn't work out, you weren't meant to be with either of those guys. Do you have the courage to stand by your choices tho? That's part of being an adult: knowing what you want. Good luck.

[lahnnabell]

If you go back to your ex, and that doesn't work out, don't even think about trying to jump back into the arms of the other guy. The one who's heart you're about to trash.