Desperately need help :(

[Elridia]

Well, it's a kind of long story, I'm here for both advice and to get things off my chest as I find it hard telling these things to people I know.

I'm 19 years old, he's 20 (I'll call him Mark for now) - firstly, yes, we're both young, but who's to say that you have to go through dozens and dozens of people to find the one you truly love?

Anyway, we'd been together for 2 years, and for the first year, it was the happiest time of our lives, we were best friends as well as a couple in love, we weren't clingy with each other and managed well without each other when we had our own things to do. We had many close talks with each other, talking about how we feel for each other, and that we truly believed that we are in love, we're both two sensible people and aren't naive when talking about our feelings.
So, the second year, things started to go badly on my side - I felt under pressure of exams in college, so I quit, as well as my parents splitting up. I was constantly feeling depressed and thinking I have no future anymore because I didn't have any qualifications for university, and all along Mark was always there for me. He was the only person that spoke to me everyday to comfort me, and because of this, I'd take out all my anger and hate towards him without even meaning to.

A year later, I went through an even worse phase of depression, but I finally seeked help (I'm on Anti-Depressants and have counselling at the moment). But it seems he had enough of me. I understand from his point of view that he had enough of my bad mood swings and all the sh*t I gave him the past year. But, my point is that the past year, my state of mind really wasn't good, I was pessimistic about everything, and (I forgot to mention) he moved to live with his father for a while in the Netherlands - me being from the UK, so the distance got to me a bit, although still managable when we talk on the phone/Webcam.

It's been a month since I've been on medication and recieving counselling, but it's been extremely hard to deal with cause of Mark. I've started to desperately get him back, always texting him, leaving him messages on MSN, e-mails, etc. I know I'm not supposed to do this, and just give him some space, but I really can't help it. I found out he's talking to some girl he's only known a month, but he says nothing will happen between them ever, and that he cares for me more than her - when I'm not constantly talking to him. He talks to her more than me, and I'm getting so jealous of this and show it a lot. I'm trying to do things to keep my mind off him, but he's always in the back of my mind. He says we'll never be together again and that he doesn't love me anymore.


What I'm really trying to say is... I want him to understand that once I get better, we can have everything back again. How do I get him back?

[aksy]

i understand yo so well, its so difficult to give him space when your sole, your mind and body want him back .

[TheTooya]

Ask him? He may not give an entirely candid response, but he will know what you are thinking. Who knows, thinks may work itself out again.

Good luck

[Jas_mine]

You need to stop pestering him, this is just going to push him away further, just let him be.

I know it sucks but if he has said that you guys will never be together again then you should respect his decision. It's harsh but I feel he is acting that way to help you get over him. Maybe he just can't accept and deal with your depression. Not everybody has the strength or patience to. And you can't control him - you cannot dictate whom he speaks to and how much.

Please focus on yourself at the moment. The rest will follow.

[lahnnabell]

He said he cares for your more than this other girl, yet he also plainly stated that he's not in love with you anymore. Mixed messages here. If he really cared about you, he'd understand thaty you need a clean break. Meaning he shouldn't respond to you or indulge your attempts to get back together with him.

Sadly, when so much frustration builds up in a relationship, it becomes harder and harder to let things go. Sounds like he just can't let go of how much you hurt him while you were depressed. He probably began to detach from you emotionally around that time, and once that happens it's nearly impossible to go back.

Who he associates with now is none of your business quite frankly. You'll do better once you realize this and leave him alone. No amount of pestering him will bring him back to you in the way that you want. And let's say it did, wouldn't you feel pretty cheap knowing you had to beg him to come back to you? That it wasn't because he wanted to come back? You wouldn't be satisfied with that arrangement. Best to stop prolonging the inevitable. You need to focus on yourself and getting better.