Hey ladies...need your advice?

[djn002]

Ok, so my Fiance and I have a great relationship together, but theres one thing i struggle with. She and a co-worker used to be f-buddies. However, as soon as we met, she stopped. She even had to tell him off, because he kept approaching her, and now they just a strictly professional relationship. Now what bothers me isnt the fact that i dont trust her. I trust her wholeheartedly. What bothers me is that sometimes i cant stop picturing them being intimate together. Somedays are worse than others. For example, sometimes well be in bed together, shell be sleeping, and ill look at her and just picture him on top of her doing what hes doing, which then keeps me up all night. But ive always been this way...jealous of the one before me. But usually the jealousy goes away rather quickly, and i think its because the girl im dating doesnt have anything to do with her ex/f-buddy anymore. But this time its different, hes a co-worker, which i think plays a big part in why i havent gotten to the point where it doesnt affect me. Not only is he a co-worker, they are taking the same grad school program together, and sometimes she helps him with home work. And then she comes to me and says shes going to be working on a project with him for their grad work. And then i find out that this fall, shell be moved into his office and theyll share it. I mean, it seems as if hes going to be in the picture for a while. I wonder if i'll ever forget about their past. Ladies out there, if you were her, should i approach you on how im feeling? That its not a trust issue, its just an issue of hes always there, so i think about it. And if you think approaching would be a good idea, how should i approach her? What should I say? Shes very defensive about her past, and one time even said to me "Its your fault you have those thoughts." I love her to pieces, obviously, i asked her to marry me. But this one issue eats away at me. What do you think?

[xxazurexx]

Well I know that if you were my bf and approaching me in regard to a man from my past, I'd think you were f**ked up in the head....and I'm being serious.

Get over it, it's her past ffs!!

If you can't deal the fact that there has been a guy before you, maybe relationships aren't for you.

And I suspect that you are wanting to marry her and for all the wrong reasons. The main reason being, you are sooooo insecure and you see this other guy as a threat, so you want to tie her down as quickly as possible thinking you will feel more secure. A ring won't change a thing. You will still have your issues.

[girl68]

Maybe but suspect this response to this effect: she will reiterate he's nothing more than work buddy, she can't take back her past, she isn't cheating and doesn't want to and YOU need to get over it, because there ain't a damn thing she can do to make you get over it.

[Gigabitch]

I would lose my ****ing mind if my husband were sharing an office with an old **** buddy, let alone voluntarily working on homework and a school project.

I think your fiancee is being ridiculous, dismissing your concerns this way. These are perfectly valid concerns. It's not like the guy is actually in her past. Some days, I'm sure he sees more of her than you do. This is VERY upsetting.

[bluesummer]

I would definitely be bothered by my fiance working with an old f-buddy. Not because of what I think he's doing, but I would be about what the other person was thinking about them. Grrr.

However, you can't change the past, and unless she quits her job, she's pretty much stuck in the situation. Did it occur to you that maybe she finds it awkward as well and would rather you didn't rub it in?

[RdHrshyKss]

i wouldn't feel so comfortable with the idea of her working with the guy on stuff either. i mean grad work can be pretty strenuous, so having someone else's input helps a lot, which might be the reason she wants to do it. but if i were her, i wouldn't get upset if you were to approach me with concerns, i'd expect you to have them. let her know what you are feeling and ask her if there is anything she could do to make the situation less of an ongoing issue. maybe have them work on their project in the apartment when you are there, but in another room. or work on it online so that she doesn't have to physically be with him so much.

[Kaius]

I would be upset over this, especially since i am the jealous type...regardless if i were insecure.
This situation is just so unreasonable....on her part.
She should be more sensitive about your feelings, and stay away from that dude.
If she really loves you, she would consider you.