The big bad L word.

[Belladonna]

So my boy friend and I have been seeing each other for a little over a month now. And we’ve known each other for a few months before we started dating. Well, on my birthday, he was a little intoxicated, when after I made a joke and we both stop laughing, “Ah, Amber I…. oops I almost said the bad word.” Then later that night before we passes out he said “I love you.” But I’m the only one that remembers it and I never told him that he said it when he asked if he had said anything stupid the next day. And of course I know that drunk I love yous dont count cause you love everyone when youre drunk A few days ago I did tell him I was falling for him. And then two nights ago while we were talking on IM when we were saying good night he said, “I think I need to say… I love you.” But I didn’t say it back. I’ve seen him since then but he hasn’t told me it to my face which is a relief cause I’m not ready to say it back. So here are my questions: Does he really mean it? He had admitted to me that he used to be bad about saying it to every girl he dated, be he said he had gotten better about it. My second question is he expecting me to say it back? And thirdly, when I am ready to say it to him, when and where is the best place to first say it? Thanks for you help.

[lahnnabell]

Instead of ignoring the issue, you should talk about it. Saying "I love you" can be a big step for some people. Kinda weak that he chose to tell you that while you were talking online. My boyfriend told me he loved me the first time while he was drunk. But he also made a grandiose speech.

If you feel that you're not ready, then you should explain that to him. If you ignore the issue, he could misinterpret why you haven't said it. It's okay that you're not ready, but it's not okay to be uncommunicative. Relationships thrive on open, free-flowing communication.

[Belladonna]

The Irony of it is, is i told my first boy friend I love you on IM for the first time too. For me saying it out loud will make it real and if I make it real that means he can hurt me, I dont know if im ready to make that leap of faith.

[mrtdg82]

A little over a month together and the big L word is veering its head already?

[lahnnabell]

A little over a month together and the big L word is veering its head already?

There is no rule stating that people need to wait until a specific time to fall in love. It's an experience relative to every person and couple. My boyfriend told me he loved me after a month.

[mrtdg82]

There is no rule stating that people need to wait until a specific time to fall in love. It's an experience relative to every person and couple. My boyfriend told me he loved me after a month.

Of course to a certain extent you are right. However you can never really know anyone after a month so i would actually consider those early stages to still be in the 'lust' category for now. Again all a matter of opinion and a completely different discussion.....

[xxazurexx]

Of course to a certain extent you are right. However you can never really know anyone after a month so i would actually consider those early stages to still be in the 'lust' category for now. Again all a matter of opinion and a completely different discussion.....

Agree. I'd think it was being said, in the 'lust' stage also. This explains why one minute someone can say they love you and six months later, they realise you are not the person they thought you were, realise that you really have nothing in common and the relationships over...

I don't think we can say we love someone and mean it, until we know them totally, their 'warts and all' and we can accept this person we have come to know, we love them despite their faults and all....and it takes longer than a mere month, to totally know someone.

I would personally be more inclined to believe a man loved me and if he said it after being together a year....than a man who told me he loved me and after a month. After a year, he'd know me way better, than the guy who had only known me a month.

Real love will stand the test of time.

[xxazurexx]

Mind you, I think some couples do meet and they are besotted from day one and it remains that way.

I know that I was totally besotted with my first love and totally head over heels and it wasn't just infatuation because it lasted for months and months...five years in fact and I still couldn't get enough of him. Sadly we did break up though, but I still love him to this day - it just wasn't meant to be I guess.

[mrtdg82]

Mind you, I think some couples do meet and they are besotted from day one and it remains that way.

I know that I was totally besotted with my first love and totally head over heels and it wasn't just infatuation because it lasted for months and months...five years in fact and I still couldn't get enough of him. Sadly we did break up though, but I still love him to this day - it just wasn't meant to be I guess.

You raise an interesting point and did what many people do when debating early love. They dismiss it until they remember a time it happened to them. However remember first loves are different. They are your first experience of those kind of emotions so therefore we deal with them differently to how we would when we have become experienced with it. The key word you used was besotted which is often the case with first love as you know no different, if that makes sense.