a little advice please.......

[rbm33]

sorry this is probably going to be a long read lol.......

i have been seeing this girl for a year now and its serious, we have talked about getting married and building a future together.
She has been divorced for a little over a year and has joint custody of her 6 yeard old son with her x husband.

the problem i am having is the control that her x still seems to have over her. when he picks their son up he comes in the house and sits down on the couch and starts telling her what to do. nothing to major just things that he needs her to pack for their son to take for his vist.

that in itself isnt to big of a deal, but he controls what she does on her weekends with her son also.
their 6 year old broke his arm in an accident and is forced to not play baseball this summer, but the dad is coaching the team and insists that she brings him to all the practices. and i guess that in itself isnt to big of a deal, but a couple of weeks ago we had a 3 day weekend trip planned to sea world for his first weekend of summer. we were trying to be creative and come up with something for a six old to do with a broken arm and this was all sounding pretty good until the dad called and told her that they were going to have a practice that weekend and that she was supposed to bring their son to watch him coach.

so basically her and her son had to sit around all weekend just so they could go watch him coach baseball for one hour. he had to give up going to medeival times and sea world just to watch a one hour baseball practice.

and to top it all off, he tries to force the mother to come also, telling her that she should come also and support their son and be a good example to him. (and its not like he is going to get to play or practice any this summer, with his injury he is out for the entire season)

the x still calls her constantly too. we went out for dinner this sunday and he calls and is wanting to know where she is and who she is with. to me its a little humiliating to have to sit and listen her argue with her x husband about where she is and who she is with when we are supposedly in a serious relationship and talking about marriage.

she would tell him its non of his business where she is or who she is with, but i guess my concern is why is he comfortable enough to even ask her those questions? why is he comfortable enough to come into the house and sit on the couch while he gives her orders? and why is he comfortable enough to insist on what she does with their son on her weekends??

i would love to hear some different perspectives on this, maybe im just being overly sensitive but i really dont think i am.

thanks in advance.

[Gigabitch]

As I'm sure you're aware, this problem is all about her, not her ex.

Do NOT marry this woman. There's no room for you in her life until she gets rid of the ex, and she doesn't seem to want to.

[xxazurexx]

She obviously hasn't moved on from him and the same applies to him. She is allowing him into her home and he basically is still 'ruling the roost'.

Understandably they have a child, so her ex is always going to be around in her life. But he could be a dad to this kid and without having to enter her home, sit on her couch and dictate her life!

It isn't his fault, it is hers. He is only doing, what she is allowing him to do and get away with.

[rbm33]

yes i agree. i wasnt actually blaming the X, i wish i could but it seems obvious where the problem is.
thaks for your advice!!

everytime we talk about it she basically says that im trying to make her change and that she cant help it if he does those things. and of course my reply is that he wouldnt do those things if he wasnt comfortable in doing so.



i would love to hear more opinions.