Officially broken up for one year, yet we talk every single day...

[BabyBear22]

Hey, im new to this forum, and i really appreciate any advice you give me

So here is my story.

I was with my ex for three years, and as the title states, have been broken up for one year.

I have accepted that the relationship had come to an end, we did argue alot and the stress from my final year at university in my opinion played a massive part.

When she walked away (lesbian relationship, im as girly as you get!) she told me not to contact her. I respected her decision but we only lasted 5 days until she got in touch, and since then we have spoken every day without fail.

She still tells me she loves me and misses me. And i am still very much in love with her. Everytime i get a phone call i get butterflies and everytime i see her my face lights up.

We hadn't done anything until last week. She invited me around to hers and we cuddled for abit. The next day we kissed, i just melted into her arms. It feels like i belong there and it seems wrong to be apart.

I have considered no contact, to get over it, to get over her but it just seems so unlogical. I believe my heart belongs to her and i think i have shown passion that i have fought for her for a year.

Every now and then though it seems like it goes hot and cold. One week its all i love you and miss you, and the next she hardly texts me (i understand why-she has a demanding job working 12 hours a day) its just the fact she isnt all "lovey", it more "hey how you doing, what you up to"

I have always thought that ex's shouldn't be friends, and i dont class her as a friend, because it would seem so wrong.

I really want her back, but i have no idea how to do it. She said the other week her feelings had re-ignited and she was confused, and that she ws thinking if we were together would it work out.

I genuinly feel we are two different people now to who we were in the previous relationship and i do think it could work.

I just dont know what to say to get the ball rolling.

Thanks so much for reading xx

[Kaius]

Is it impossible to sit down and ask, "Can we get back together, or are we friends with benefits, or are we just friends?"
Might as well talk it out... I don't think ex's should be friends either. Too emotionally draining.

[cmacattack1]

Mind I point out that you said getting over her is so illogical because you believe that your heart belongs to her? What about you belonging to this person IS logical? Do you really think she is the only person that you could ever possibly be happy with? The fact that you believe that is because you care about her so much and don't WANT to be with anybody else. But it's not true. You can be happy with somebody else, and you can get everything you deserve. Which is not a half assed relationship by somebody that tells you never to talk to her again, but then calls you FIVE days later. This is somebody who is enjoying a power trip and keeping you around as a cushion. You may want her to be "your one" but if you were "her one", you wouldn't be playing this "we're in a relationship, but not really" game that she is playing.

I'm not saying she is maliciously doing this to you on purpose and I'm sure she doesn't realize what's she doing. But she's had the upper hand since she dumped you and is just continually playing it out whenever it's good for her. When's she busy, you are hardly a thought. Don't you want and deserve more? The fact that you CAN'T get past her is because you allow her to contact you and treat you like this. You aren't enslaved by your feelings, every single action you do is of your own responsibility. You chose to do these things. And you will never find somebody else and allow another person in your life the way you are going about it.

You have spent an awfully long time on the hook with this girl. Maybe you think that this year of fighting for her is proving something, but as I always say, trying to prove something doesn't prove anything at all. Maybe you felt like a total reject and failure when you were dumped and have spent this whole time at redemption. Every single dumpee goes through a period of this. You are telling yourself to do this, because you really believe in this, because you don't want to let go, you are afraid of what else is out there. But there is more out there, and you have to be really happy with yourself without their interference in their life to have the self sustainability and the power to be on your own.

Sorry if it seems really negative, but I believe that you are only worth what kind of treatment you are allowing yourself to be treated with. She's got to test the waters with others, it's what all dumpers do when they break up, while kind of keeping you hooked (hence the call after 5 days) in case things don't work out. It's bullshit, it's unfair. And believe me she was looking.

With so much keeping in touch and all that, how do you believe that you are two very different people? You may be a very different person, but you don't know if she is either. Logically, if either one of you remained the same person in a new relationship, it would be destined for failure again.

Just some things to think about. She should be making all the moves back to you. After all, she is the one that dumped you and wanted to end your relationship. Why do you owe it to her and have to fight and want to get her back?