What should I do??

**Cat87** · 10-06-10, 05:38 AM

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly three years now, we met in college when he was 18 and still going through teenage issues such as depression and self harm. I'm two years older than him. For the first few months we weren't exactly going out but we were 'involved' and I stuck by him through his depression which was quite difficult at times for both of us.

He messed me about in the beginning, he used to have phone sex with younger girs and I found out that he had phone sex with a 12 year old girl when he was 17 (they met over the internet), and when I met him he was still in touch with this girl. She was also going through depression and self harm and he saw himself as her saviour. I know I shouldn't hold his past behaviour against him but I find it very hard to get over this issue. I went through his phone (I know I shouldn't have) and found a picture of this girl topless, bearing in mind she was only 12 or 13 and I felt disgusted. We had many arguments about this and nasty things were said on my part.

About a year into the relationship we were talking about fantasies etc and he said that he gets off on imagining young girls, he even said as young as ten or eleven. I appreciate the fact that he was honest with me and that he could trust me enough to tell me, but his confession has definately put a strain on our relationship. I don't know if how I'm feeling is normal or not. He is now 21 and I'm 23.

Since then things have got a bit better and I concentrate on the many good things about our relationship. We have our ups and downs but I do love him. But last week he got a text message off the girl I mentioned earlier saying that it was her 16th birthday and it sparked off all of these thoughts again. She has also suggested meeting up with him because they have never met in person before and it fills me with anger. I can't seem to forgive him for this and I tend to bring it up when we argue sometimes. I just don't know what to do or how to feel about all of this

I wish that he never told me or that she would just leave hm alone.

**xxazurexx** · 10-06-10, 06:24 AM

Why are you still with this sick twisted man?

**Gigabitch** · 10-06-10, 06:41 AM

Get rid of this guy. That's all.

**corporatesam** · 10-06-10, 06:51 AM

It looks like he may be using you to get over his depression and personal problems - although it's not a definite.

But it's strange how he thinks about younger girls like that. Do you know the real reason behind this?

**girl68** · 10-06-10, 06:51 AM

EW, please do dump this dude.

**Cat87** · 10-06-10, 06:55 AM

Because he keeps saying that it all happened when he was depressed and not in a good place mentally. He's changed a lot since then and grown up a bit, he's now in university and doing good things with his life and he keeps saying that it's just fantasy, but just knowing that he thinks about that sort of stuff makes me a bit sick. I don't know why I stayed with him to be honest, I should have left way earlier. But he has changed, it's just always at the back of my mind.

**corporatesam** · 10-06-10, 06:58 AM

People always say that they've changed but don't make the change themselves.

If he has a fantasy like that then who knows what he could be thinking of / doing in a few years time. It's just a matter of you deciding whether to stick around and find out what he'll really be up to - or you just don't want to know and call it quits. At the end of the day it's your decision and it should be based on what's best for both of you - not just for yourself or the other person. It's a two way street.

**Cat87** · 10-06-10, 07:09 AM

Yea I would agree with that, he's also quite clingy and I sometimes think that he's afraid of being alone and he's also said in the past that if I left him that he would basically fall back into depression, which puts me in a difficult position. I've seen him get through all his depression and personal problems and he is in a much better place now. But as I said I just can't seem to forget.

As far as I know, when he was younger he went on a lot of porn etc and just got into more and more unusual stuff, he blames it all on his depression. He's said that he wants to change and that he wants to leave all of that behind him because he wants to move on with his life and forget about the past. But the fact that he still keeps in touch with some of the girls he used to have phone sex with, I find it very disrespectful to me and quite difficult to understand.

**Cat87** · 10-06-10, 07:10 AM

Aaarghh sorry I'm not used to this yet lol, my last post was meant for corporatesam xx

**xxazurexx** · 10-06-10, 07:44 AM

Originally Posted by Cat87

Because he keeps saying that it all happened when he was depressed and not in a good place mentally. He's changed a lot since then and grown up a bit, he's now in university and doing good things with his life and he keeps saying that it's just fantasy, but just knowing that he thinks about that sort of stuff makes me a bit sick. I don't know why I stayed with him to be honest, I should have left way earlier. But he has changed, it's just always at the back of my mind.

Then why didn't he go and seek help and if he wasn't in a good place mentally? Someone may have helped him understand why he had these sick and twisted fantasies in regard to 9 and 10 year old girls, which IMO were thoughts that a peadophile would have.....How the heck are you so sure, that he still doesnt have these thoughts only he doesn't mention it?

If you continue to stay with this man, then what you need to hope and for the future, is that he will not act on these sick fantasies, end up committing some crime and he goes on a Sex Offenders register and be listed as a danger to children...and be banged up for years.

It baffles me as to why you stayed with him.

**xxazurexx** · 10-06-10, 07:47 AM

Originally Posted by Cat87;597524nd [quote

But the fact that he still keeps in touch with some of the girls he used to have phone sex with, I find it very disrespectful to me and quite difficult to understand.

Probably because he HASN'T changed at all....

I am seriously worried about the people in Wales who have kids in this mans vicinity!!!

**corporatesam** · 10-06-10, 07:55 AM

Originally Posted by Cat87

Yea I would agree with that, he's also quite clingy and I sometimes think that he's afraid of being alone and he's also said in the past that if I left him that he would basically fall back into depression, which puts me in a difficult position. I've seen him get through all his depression and personal problems and he is in a much better place now. But as I said I just can't seem to forget.

As far as I know, when he was younger he went on a lot of porn etc and just got into more and more unusual stuff, he blames it all on his depression. He's said that he wants to change and that he wants to leave all of that behind him because he wants to move on with his life and forget about the past. But the fact that he still keeps in touch with some of the girls he used to have phone sex with, I find it very disrespectful to me and quite difficult to understand.

He's clingy alright. But you got to beg the question: is he clingy because he really wants to be with YOU, or is he simply clingy because he wants to be with anyone? It's also a very bad thing for him to try and guilt you into thinking that if you left him he will fall back into depression.

The reality is, no matter how much you've helped someone and how much shit they've been through and you got them out of it - the bottom line is if one day he decides that he doesn't want to be with you anymore or cheats on you with another girl then that will be the day when you will get hurt really badly and only wished if you had ended it earlier. It only takes a person to think about not being with you anymore for everything to come to an end - no matter how much you've done for the person.

I also don't think it's fair that you're supporting him and doing so much for him and he's not given you much in return it seems apart from disrespect and amongst other things around what he does. A HEALTHY relationship should be a two way thing. Your relationship is not.

People will never EVER truly learn from their mistakes until they fall into reality - and that reality being you breaking up with him.

He needs to grow up.

**roy_delene** · 10-06-10, 07:55 AM

leave him thats what you should do

**Cat87** · 10-06-10, 08:32 AM

Originally Posted by xxazurexx

Then why didn't he go and seek help and if he wasn't in a good place mentally? Someone may have helped him understand why he had these sick and twisted fantasies in regard to 9 and 10 year old girls, which IMO were thoughts that a peadophile would have.....How the heck are you so sure, that he still doesnt have these thoughts only he doesn't mention it?

If you continue to stay with this man, then what you need to hope and for the future, is that he will not act on these sick fantasies, end up committing some crime and he goes on a Sex Offenders register and be listed as a danger to children...and be banged up for years.

It baffles me as to why you stayed with him.

He did go through therapy. He was going through therapy when I first met him and it helped him a lot. I have not once seriously thought that he would act on these fantasies. Obviously I can't be a hundred percent on that but I know him well enough to believe that he would never do anything.

**Cat87** · 10-06-10, 08:34 AM

[QUOTE=xxazurexx;597549][QUOTE=Cat87;597524nd

Probably because he HASN'T changed at all....

I am seriously worried about the people in Wales who have kids in this mans vicinity!!![/QUOTE]

I wouldn't be worried if I were you, I seriously do not think he is a paedophile otherwise I wouldn't be with him.

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