Need some advice on girls

[Moonwalker1982]

First of all i'm a 27 year old male (although if you ask me i am not 27, i feel much younger) , i've been out of the whole dating thing for well.....two years, my relationship ended, lost my job , and got into a small depression as well, but i am out of it. I am as happy as can be and enjoying life bigtime!!!!!! Even though i dont have a job yet....all in due time.


I will try to make this a short as possible.

Last week i did some voluntary work for a week at a place where they take care of homeless people, making sandwhiches,coffee/tea for them and simply chatting with them. I met a very nice lady there, we spoke a bit and that was it. I decided i wanted to ask her out, but i did not see her anymore, and i was gonna work there for only one week. So i asked her out by writing a note and putting it in a enveloppe. Sunday night i received a text message and she said the note was very nice. But she didnt know yet what to do with it, cause she was taking things easy lately, but she said she was gonna get back to me on that.

The next morning i sent her a message saying i respect that, and that the note probably came as a surprise. But she replied back that she doesnt mind this and likes surprises. She then asked lots of things about how my voluntary work week was, and several text messages went back and forth. Pretty soon she gave me her MSN. All week since monday, we send one or two text messages per day and every evening we have nice conversations on MSN. She told me things that could be considered private, (not nessecarily about her) but things that you expect to hear only when you are a longtime friend, so she trusts me,that is obvious and its of course very good.

But for some reason we have not yet talked about personal interests, and personally i find that nothing for MSN. I much rather go for a walk, talk alittle, and that way getting to know eachother more. Basically what i am trying to find out is does she simply want to be friends and thats it, or could there be more? I have definitely alot of interest in getting to know her better and hoping for more than friendship. I do not know if her giving her MSN and talking about certain things (what i said earlier) is a indication that she is also interested in more. Friends have told me 'dude just ask her out again. She knows you by now, you saw eachother, talked quite alot already, if she is digging you, she will love to go out.

But then i am like .she said she was gonna get back to me on that. But maybe she never will and is indeed waiting for a second invite..which i dont have any problem with doing, Cause there is nothing wrong with it, all i am showing is to her that i really like her and want more than friendship, or at least see where it might bring us, you know.

I have decided to wait till next week or sometime in this weekend, then i'll send her a message. This weekend i have all kinds of things to do anyway, and on sunday evening she has the voluntary work again. Plus, i personally think it's good to at least have waited a full week before asking her again. I said i respected what she said...and that she was gonna get back to me on that, maybe she will, maybe not. But i'll wait though.

But i like to make a message that aint the standard 'Wanna go out etc' it should be something unusual, original. And i am really thinking about a very nice place to go to with her or take her to. But i don�t know yet what place that is. Any ideas/help?

And no doubt its practically impossible to know, but what do people in here think, what is your first impression after reading all this about the lady? Is she interested in me or will it probably stay simply friendship only?

[NBT]

I think, that INSTEAD of asking her out on a "date", you should ask her to HANG out with you (less pressure)

Let me explain....


A "DATE" could make her feel awkward. However, a "hang out" might make her feel more at ease (and you can still get to KNOW each other while hanging out as WELL)

Ask her through texts about her personal interests (or on MSN)

Tell her one of your buddies asked you to go play pool but you don't feel like it (a good way to bring it naturally)

Then, follow it up with "Do you play?" Then, whatever she answers with, just tease her a little (playfully, and not a lot, but a LITTLE)

Depending on how that goes, you can slip a "Cool, we should play sometime. I promise to let you lose to me." (again, playful)

If the conversation DOESN'T go anywhere, wait a few days, then casually invite her to "tag along" with you someplace (again, NOT A DATE)

If she declines, then she's likely uncomfortable with the idea of seeing you alone. In which case, I'd give up hope after that.

Let me know how it goes, dude!

[Moonwalker1982]

Thanks man, great advice. I was about to send her a text message asking if she had thought about it, my first invite, that is..but now reading your message, it looks like i shouldn't do that. I don't think i told exactly what i had written in the note, but it was about how i thought she was a very nice and cool young lady. And if she'd like to go for a drink in town or for a walk in the park with the dog, and since she's slightly afraid of dogs, i slipped a joke in there by saying, i promise that she doesn't bite. And to that note she replied back with a text message by phone, but hasn't yet said if it's a yes or a no.

But like i said, each day of this week (except for today) we sent eachother text messages, although..i was the one who ignited them, i think thats the word. Maybe that doesn't mean anything though, but still. And on MSN all we have talked about so far is the voluntary work. So next time on MSN i should start about a new subject, about her personal interests. Kinda like..what do you like to do in your sparetime. I know that she visits the voluntary workplace ALOT, practically everyday in the morning till afternoon. Not in the evenings though. So she must have other things that she enjoys doing next to going to that place. But personally i say...screw MSN, let's go to a park or just something similar, walk around ,relax and then talk about personal interests and that way getting to know eachother. But i guess i have to ignore what a few others told me about how talking on MSN gets me in the 'Friendszone' only to never get out of it. not every lady is the same.

The note was a clear indication that i really am digging her and want to get to know her better, so eventually i'd expect a response on that question about going for a drink or for a walk in the park. If i did sent a message now and inviting her again, it would be the same. A walk in the park, or get a drink somewhere in town. Hangouts is a good idea, like Pool. What other hangouts could be good? Either way...i guess it's MSN then in the meantime. And i guess i have to be patient, maybe she will indeed come back to me on that, but in due time. She probably wants to know me a bit more (via MSN) before accepting the invite.

[NBT]

Thanks man, great advice. I was about to send her a text message asking if she had thought about it, my first invite, that is..but now reading your message, it looks like i shouldn't do that. I don't think i told exactly what i had written in the note, but it was about how i thought she was a very nice and cool young lady. And if she'd like to go for a drink in town or for a walk in the park with the dog, and since she's slightly afraid of dogs, i slipped a joke in there by saying, i promise that she doesn't bite. And to that note she replied back with a text message by phone, but hasn't yet said if it's a yes or a no.

But like i said, each day of this week (except for today) we sent eachother text messages, although..i was the one who ignited them, i think thats the word. Maybe that doesn't mean anything though, but still. And on MSN all we have talked about so far is the voluntary work. So next time on MSN i should start about a new subject, about her personal interests. Kinda like..what do you like to do in your sparetime. I know that she visits the voluntary workplace ALOT, practically everyday in the morning till afternoon. Not in the evenings though. So she must have other things that she enjoys doing next to going to that place. But personally i say...screw MSN, let's go to a park or just something similar, walk around ,relax and then talk about personal interests and that way getting to know eachother. But i guess i have to ignore what a few others told me about how talking on MSN gets me in the 'Friendszone' only to never get out of it. not every lady is the same.

The note was a clear indication that i really am digging her and want to get to know her better, so eventually i'd expect a response on that question about going for a drink or for a walk in the park. If i did sent a message now and inviting her again, it would be the same. A walk in the park, or get a drink somewhere in town. Hangouts is a good idea, like Pool. What other hangouts could be good? Either way...i guess it's MSN then in the meantime. And i guess i have to be patient, maybe she will indeed come back to me on that, but in due time. She probably wants to know me a bit more (via MSN) before accepting the invite.

Actually, staying on MSN forever CAN get you "friend zoned" if you're not CAREFUL.

Make the MSN convos FUN and CHALLENGING. Interesting an EXCITING. Don't let them be boring and mundane. Predictable or "textbook", NO!

Play the "Would You Rather" game with her, if nothing else.

Joke about how her life seems boring since she seems to do NOTHING but VOLUNTEER work (but DON'T INSULT her. Say it jokingly)

Say "What ELSE do you like to do, ANYTHING? And no, SLEEP doesn't count, dork!"

Then when she names off a few hobbies, jump into the "WYR" game and give her two options every time

i.e. "Would you rather spend your Friday volunteering, or getting a back massage?"

They don't all have to be about YOU either. Just general questions, which you can think of more as the game goes on.

Just make sure SHE asks YOU questions TOO! If she doesn't, tell her she just lost a point (i.e. game show)

You guys can play on MSN, or via text message. It can be fun, flirty, sexual, serious, etc.

Then after a while (few hours, few days, whenever you think she's really comfortable) ask her the IMPORTANT question.

"So would you rather lose to me in pool or bowling?" (followed by "This day or this day?")

If she bullshits, tease her with "Ohh boooooo, you're no fun! *throws tomatoes* lol"

You get the point.

But that's all I'm doin' right now. If you want any further info, you'll have to buy my book! lol

Good luck though man. Tell me what you think and how it works. I'll check back here later.

[Moonwalker1982]

Well big update, definitely all the clarity i wanted


I talked to her on MSN for a long time this evening, it was really cool. This time we talked about all kinds of things. We started talking about the things we do in our free time...and after awhile she said she normally has always plans for the weekend, but this time she didn't. And then she asked what plans i had, so i explained that i had to do a few things and then i thought...this is the perfect moment for it. So i said " I asked you this before, but it never hurts to ask again. Maybe you'd like to go do something together this weekend? Whatever that may be?"

Then she said "Ouch, a concience question, it definitely sounds very nice, but at the same time it gives me a suffocating feeling.(or is Oppressive the right word?) because she had agreed with herself on taking it easy for awhile. She didn't exactly know what it was, but this was going on for half a year now, while normally nobody could stop her in the dating game. Last year she thought there was something but it turned out to be nothing, and this was for her a clear indication that she didn't want this for a long time.

She also said that she thinks i'm a very sweet,nice en finally a good guy, but something is stopping her. Normally she wouldn't even reply to notes, but she thought mine was so sweet, she had to. But it was obvious that this needs time, she couldn't promise if she would be ready for a drink in half a year or a year, as innocent as that may sound.




Well so there it is, i know what to expect now, just friends and thats fine too

But i'll probably come back her to ask other questions, advice about other things.

[NBT]

Well big update, definitely all the clarity i wanted


I talked to her on MSN for a long time this evening, it was really cool. This time we talked about all kinds of things. We started talking about the things we do in our free time...and after awhile she said she normally has always plans for the weekend, but this time she didn't. And then she asked what plans i had, so i explained that i had to do a few things and then i thought...this is the perfect moment for it. So i said " I asked you this before, but it never hurts to ask again. Maybe you'd like to go do something together this weekend? Whatever that may be?"

Then she said "Ouch, a concience question, it definitely sounds very nice, but at the same time it gives me a suffocating feeling.(or is Oppressive the right word?) because she had agreed with herself on taking it easy for awhile. She didn't exactly know what it was, but this was going on for half a year now, while normally nobody could stop her in the dating game. Last year she thought there was something but it turned out to be nothing, and this was for her a clear indication that she didn't want this for a long time.

She also said that she thinks i'm a very sweet,nice en finally a good guy, but something is stopping her. Normally she wouldn't even reply to notes, but she thought mine was so sweet, she had to. But it was obvious that this needs time, she couldn't promise if she would be ready for a drink in half a year or a year, as innocent as that may sound.




Well so there it is, i know what to expect now, just friends and thats fine too

But i'll probably come back her to ask other questions, advice about other things.

Well I'm glad YOU understood her, cuz that confused the HELL outta ME! lol

Just sounded like a bunch of bullshit thrown together in an attempt to give you an explanation that made sense.

And honestly, that's all I can say about it.

[Moonwalker1982]

you really think its nonsense? Hmmm...well.....in her reply to my note, she did say she was taking it easy (the whole dating thing). I guess i have been there too, for two years i have taken it easy. My guess is that things happened, things with boyfriends and this made her tired of it, so she decided to take it easy. Since she said about me "Finally a sweet ,nice and friendly guy" . But just not ready for anything. Thats kinda what i understand from it

[NBT]

you really think its nonsense? Hmmm...well.....in her reply to my note, she did say she was taking it easy (the whole dating thing). I guess i have been there too, for two years i have taken it easy. My guess is that things happened, things with boyfriends and this made her tired of it, so she decided to take it easy. Since she said about me "Finally a sweet ,nice and friendly guy" . But just not ready for anything. Thats kinda what i understand from it

Here is my opinion on that:

1) It's not as if you asked her to MARRY you. You asked for a DRINK.

So how can that be "too much"?

2) My guess is that no matter WHAT you asked, she would have said no.

Something you have to understand, is that if a woman ever feels that EXTREME ATTRACTION for a guy, nothing will stop her.

She called you sweet, nice, friendly, etc. That's definitely what a woman like her would SAY she wants in a guy, but she doesn't.

Those are "friend zone" qualities, unfortunately.

Intriguing, funny, exciting, mysterious, challenging, etc. are "I want you" qualities.

Now, I personally don't see anything wrong with the way you are. Then again, I'm a GUY so I don't CARE.

For WOMEN, that kind of stuff matters. Why? Because THEY'RE trying to DATE you.

(And for some reason, they rarely pick the "nice/sweet" types.)


Now, I'm not saying she DOESN'T want to take it easy. She may very WELL want to take it easy.

But if she felt an intense attraction toward you, it wouldn't MATTER what she wanted LOGICALLY (i.e. taking it easy) because she'd be too into you to say NO.


All in all, I'd say focus on other women. You can have casual convo with this one if you wish, but don't pursue it, because she's a waste.

She's either been hurt EXTREMELY bad in the past, so she doesn't want to date ANYBODY, or she's just not into you.

EITHER WAY, it would be a waste of your time to try and pursue her.

Instead, treat her JUST like one of your male friends. Or one of your PLATONIC female friends.

Don't be afraid to talk to her about girls you like, etc.

[Moonwalker1982]

Oh but i definitely wasn't planning on putting hope in this, i now have the clarity i wanted, thats good enoug. We'll just continue on with the nice conversations and that's good. And yeah i think she has had some unpleasant experiences with boyfriends. Especially when she said 'You seem like a real nice,sweet and finally a good guy' . Definitely a indication that she has had some 'not so good' boyfriends. It sounded like a real nice idea to her, but something was still stopping her from doing it. Probably fear of running into a mistake again. But maybe you are right that she simply ain't into me...but she could have simply said that, instead of saying 'i'll have to think about that' getting me on MSN and all of that.

Someone else gave me the advice to not give up yet, he said...just try to see her face to face sometime, she hasn't had a boyfriend for awhile, and this is mostly because she's afraid of making the same mistakes. Convince her that you really want to start something with her, via on MSN or something else, but face to face. This way you can see her reaction and work from there.

She still hasn't said no, try to meet her 'coincentally' , and just talk alittle. Ask her out, she won't take it negatively, but face to face is much better. If she says the same things as before, ask her about it, how did it happen. Say that you ARE worth it. Go for it and don't give up because of one less positive answer.



I don't know about that though, i'm not gonna go there or anything. There's a good chance i might start working as a volunteer again after the summer, and i'll probably see her again then, we can just talk and who knows..maybe something will grow from there, but im not having any hopes.

[NBT]

Oh but i definitely wasn't planning on putting hope in this, i now have the clarity i wanted, thats good enoug. We'll just continue on with the nice conversations and that's good. And yeah i think she has had some unpleasant experiences with boyfriends. Especially when she said 'You seem like a real nice,sweet and finally a good guy' . Definitely a indication that she has had some 'not so good' boyfriends. It sounded like a real nice idea to her, but something was still stopping her from doing it. Probably fear of running into a mistake again. But maybe you are right that she simply ain't into me...but she could have simply said that, instead of saying 'i'll have to think about that' getting me on MSN and all of that.

I'm gonna send you an excerpt from one of my books based on that ^^ paragraph you just typed (my book for females)

I'll message it to you.

After you read it, I want you to tell me if it makes sense to you, and if you think she's worth making that point to. Deal?

*sending now*

[Moonwalker1982]

Hey man, i had been away from the forums for a short while. I just read it, and i see what you mean...but i don't understand it, but i think thats pretty normal cause it IS pretty hard to understand women's logic, lol. But i really do believe this applies to her as well yeah.

[NBT]

Oh trust me. I'm not SAYING their logic makes SENSE lol.

I'm just putting it out there, that that is how a LOT of women ARE.

And even THEY can't explain it to you.

[Moonwalker1982]

Damn man, when i read all this..one thing becomes clear. Our logic, men's logic is simply much more normal and straightforward, ain't it?

[Kaius]

Wait isn't it more important to get a job, make some money, and THEN think about girls? I mean, what if you wanna go out and do cool stuff but no one has the $$?
Unless you land a rich girl....yeah...that's what you should concentrate on.

[TheTooya]

Minus the FACT that NBT talks like THIS...

He has some damn good points, and I actually agree with almost everything he has said.

Dude, don't cling to false hope man. I've went down exactly the same path that you are going... multiple times... NBT is right, it sounds like you have been friendzoned I'm sorry