Does race matter?

[vashti]

Why use the 'people still think that way in certain areas' as an excuse, though?

It's a matter of practicality. It isn't always necessarily SAFE to disregard what violent bigots think.

I agree, though, that in more modern areas, race is a non-issue for the most part.

[Junket]

Why use the 'people still think that way in certain areas' as an excuse, though? At the end of the day, that sort of thinking is wrong: fact. I don't know about you guys, but I don't want to be the sort of person that even cares about what people like that think.

I don't believe it's as much to do with skin color, as it is to do with culture.

How a person and that person's family has lived their lives, and does live their life plays a major role when deciding a long term partner.

[Zena.]

I don't normally post, but I kind of know how you feel.. my boyfriend is Asian and I'm Caucasian, it's been a struggle dealing with his family but I think maybe (just maybe) they're getting a bit better, although I still don't talk to them etc. My boyfriend is extremely into his culture and his parents have very strict schools of thought when it comes to who he should be with, but if he hadn't taken that leap of faith a year and a half ago and asked me out, then we wouldn't be together today! I know race shouldn't matter anymore, but the fact is that it still does to some people (I agree with Frasbee, it's definitely about the culture and families) so it's something that some people still have to deal with...

Think long term though, if you want to keep it low profile so YOU don't have to deal with the repercussions, put yourself in HER shoes too.. that may be difficult on her Trust me, it hasn't always been easy on me (still very difficult at times) but my boyfriends worth it! So yah, that would be my only advice, look at it from her perspective too..

Good luck, it sounds like she's really special

[asdfg789]

^^ i think Zena's perspective is very relevant for the OP.

I have 1 more point to add - reading the OP's post, I get the feeling that HE himself has not quite accepted the differences.
If that is indeed the case and i hope it is not, there is no way this is gonna work.

That's my 0.02.

[VincenzoG91]

Race only matters to racists. Cultural differences are a legitimate potential problem, because there could be a serious conflict involving values and priorities.

[girl68]

She is an average Mexican

What the hell is an "average Mexican?" are you an "average math intelligent dork?"

[Mister Wizard]

In the end, I feel that this situation is not just about cultural differences, its about the influence his family has on him. Its hard to escape years of knowing that your family's approval will only come from dating within your race. I understand that myself having heard a lot of racist talk from my family. But I was able to embrace the American culture, and understand that race is not an issue, but he may not.

It seems that he still has his own prejudices that he grew up with, to deal with. He also seems to like this girl enough, but I'm assuming that he's still struggling with his inner demons, and the voice of his parents in his head. As for what other people will think? I would have to agree with everyone else and say that it wouldn't matter in the US. We're pretty accepting of multicultural relationships. I've seen many Chinese/Mexican couples, and I don't think twice about it, except for, "Damn, that's a good looking couple."

So I simply advise that you at least date this girl first. You don't really even know if you'll really hit it off with her. If it works out, then you can worry about what your parents say. But if what your parents and what your friends think is so important, then you should probably just drop it and stick to tradition. You getting with her and being uncomfortable about the whole thing will only lead to problems.

[Gigabitch]

Most of your post tells me that race matters to YOU, OP, so yes, in this case, I think it matters. Let her go and find someone who isn't worried about what people will think. She shouldn't be subjected to such crap from her boyfriend.

[Kaius]

if you keep it low key and private and stuff, that just shows you are ashamed of her. dont do that. either date her as the woman you want to be with, or dont date her at all.
I'm chinese...I know exactly what you mean. I am 35 with 2 kids, and my mother still doesn't like the idea that my GF is white. But you know what? I don't care!
I love my GF, and I am gonna marry her some day (if i am lucky enough). After a while, the color difference seems to disappear. When I look at my GF, I don't see a white woman.
I see the love of my life....the most amazing and beautiful woman I have ever met.

[lastwish]

We can all play the "This is the 21st century" card, but we all know that racial tension still exists and is prevalent, especially in some areas.

You obviously live in a large city. I can tell you for sure that race still matters in some areas. Ever been to northern Idaho? They still have Klan parades on Main Street in the small towns.

I didn't claim that racial prejudice didn't exist. I said it was stupid to hold racial prejudice in 2010.

[erik]

race only matters if you prefer a certain race sexually (which to some extent most people do, including me), beyond that it shouldn't, screw what your family thinks

[tam]

At the end of the day it's your life. Never give up on your loved one because of other's racist attitudes.

[xxazurexx]

I know that if I'd ended up with the guy I was recently involved with it would have been a big issue - not for me or my family, but his family.

I think it's stupid. People should be able to date and form relationships with who they want too - alas some people are still stuck in the 'dark ages'.

[iceblue]

What state/city do you live in? If you're in a large city, I don't see it being a problem. Large cities are way too mixed for anyone to care. I guess you'd have a point if you're in a small town or something, but why would you care what other people think?

[IncognitoSir]

It comes down to you being strong enough to pursue what makes YOU happy. My former gf was white and I'm black. Looking at us, total opposites, but the truth is I've never had so much in common with any other female.....and she was white. Sounds like you need to do some soul searching. Of course people are gonna say stuff and think and assume stuff, but at the end of the day is she worth it? My ex was, but thats a decision you have to make for yourself.