Need Advice On Getting Back Together

[sadness05]

Hey People, sorry for the lengthy details. I thought I should write out the background so people can give a better answer.

My boyfriend of 4 years (now an ex) liked to say "breakup" over minor things even when he did not mean it. The last time he said it, I had enough, so I took down our pictures on Facebook and deleted the email account he created for me to show him he cannot just walk all over me. Sure enough, he messaged me the next day and said he cannot be without me. I told him we should have some times apart to sort out our feelings. After a week, I went to him and said let's move on from this and be happy together. To my surprise, he did not want to be with me anymore.
At first he said
1. I am pretty and I can get any guy I want anyway.
2. I am so good to him but he was never able to do the same.
3. He is argumentative but I cannot let him win either, so he's unhappy.
Please note that he's not just saying 1 and 2 to be nice. That's why I feel crushed because there's nothing I can do about those things.

For 2 weeks, I tried to be there for him when he wanted to rant. He was really mean, but finally, he broke down and told me during our 1-week break, he met a girl on Craigslist who has a kid and is married to a gangsta, but he likes her because she's nice like me and kind of cute. He said he only went onto Craigslist because he thought we were over and was very sad about it. He wanted a rebound. He added 1 more cause to our breakup:
1. Taking pictures off Facebook was very symbolic, and since we already get to this point, we cannot go back.

We still hang out everyday. We act like lovers. He says "nobody can ever replace you", "you will always be special to me", "you are the prettiest girl even after I met other girls", "4 years..how can I ever get over you?" and "I am sad that we are not together".

For those of you who have been in my ex's position.. Is there really no way of getting back together just because something symbolic happened (the Facebook pictures)? If you left someone mostly due to your own guilt, does that mean no matter what that person does, you will not take him or her back?

My friends said I should stop hanging out with him and he will come after me, but note that I was apart from him for a week and that's when he met other girls..so I really don't know what to do. Though he's not perfect, I believe he's the one for me. Please let me know what I can do to be with him again, and whether you think he will ever want me back or not.

[cmacattack1]

You want him to be "your one", but he doesn't feel the same way. He wanted to break up over every little thing, he is giving you excuses as to why you guys can't be together. And they are excuses, things to hide behind, things to say and believe because he doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions and isn't being honest with you. That's it. No matter how badly you want this to work out, it's not going to if he doesn't want to work at it too. He's chasing married girls on Craigslist for crying out loud. It's not fair to you to keep you hooked like this and do everything that a boyfriend and girlfriend does without the title, because he gets to enjoy those things and gets to be free to pursue other girls. Guess what he's going to say when he finds somebody else and all his lovey dovey behavior vanishes and leaves you devastated again? "We aren't together anymore". And who are you to argue that point?

Isn't it funny how he chased after you the minute you stopped? He wanted to know you'd still be there for him and he didn't have anything else completely lined up, in essence to boost his sagging self esteem. But one week is not a long time at all, you think you had enough to think and now have changed yourself into a completely different person, but you haven't. And he is ignoring the reason why you guys broke up in the first place and is chasing after companionship with other people, so he hasn't changed either. If you guys were back together today, logically you wouldn't work out because you'd be the same people. And the result would be the same: break up.

It may be difficult to let go, but you have to call things all off. You have to cut contact, you have to let him know you need to be on your own and he should respect that. No trying to be friends, no nothing. It's not helping you move forward when your every waking thought is consumed with how to get him back. You may want him to be your one now, but he is not the only one out there for you. There is plenty more, and there are many capable of people that can offer you more and fulfill your needs better than him. Sure, your ex is going to be better in certain areas then a new guy, but the new guy will also be better too. To be fully available to you and give you something solid and concrete and the ability to grow together instead of a guy that can't handle his problems and wants to break up whenever the going gets tough. You have to give other people a shot and you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with other people. Focus on yourself and cut off this "relationship" that you have now. This relationship is detrimental for you, but you want to keep doing this drug because you are afraid of dealing with the withdrawal symptoms. It's killing you and when he finds somebody else, it will really hurt and make you so angry because you chose to spend time continuing this. But you would have nobody to get angry at but yourself. And it becomes a vicious circle.

Start the healing today. Cut him off and get yourself out there keeping busy to take your mind off things. You will still think about him, you will still want to be with him, but you have to understand this is for the best. Everything will be alright and you will find somebody better suited to meet your needs. All in due time.