New member, new post, new problem

[ladeeda80]

Hi everyone, I need advice. This is a very long thread, btw, but I would appreciate advice.

I'm in college; a junior. I met my current boyfriend last year before class. We dated six months then were separated for six months and got back together. We have been dating now for nearly three months, still going strong. He is my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything.

There has been several ups and downs.. and lately I quite don't know what to think. I don't know what to do...

Okay, I really care about the guy, sometimes I really feel the passion, the love. I visited him last weekend after not seeing him for a month (it's summer and long distance). His step-mom and his father are going through an intense divorce. They were married 9 years and she recently found out he's been cheating for 3 of them.. and not only that, but he gave her genital herpes. This is what my boyfriend is going through right now. By the way, he's 24. 25 in August. He's living in with his dad, with the girlfriend just moving in last week.

I just had a conversation that somewhat alarmed me... he was going on about how he feels like he owes his father. His father raised his sister and him for a majority of their life when "my dad really didn't have to," he said. He said he feels that he needs to give back to his dad because of what his dad did for them. He said he has the most respect for him. I brought up that his dad cheated and I don't think that really deserves much respect.. he tells me that even though his dad has made some serious mistakes, he will still be there for his dad.

What bothers me is... my boyfriend is going to be 25 soon. He is still relying on his father. He still feels that he owes him. What about when my bf gets married? I've been feeling like he might think I'm the one... as does his entire family. They chewed his a$$ out when he broke up with me. Biggest mistake he ever made, he said. This thing with his dad is unnerving. How can you respect a man who cheats? A man you looked up to? I don't understand my boyfriend's thinking. I'm trying really hard to, he tries to explain. But it never gets past the fact that his father CHEATED and my bf STILL respects and wants to make him happy. He said he wants to make sure his dad is happy (as well as his gf). I said that he (my bf) is an adult now and should worry only about himself. Then it just goes in a circle again about how he owes his dad because of what he did for himself and his sister (though raising children should be an obligation, right?)

I know there is something wrong. He doesn't seem aware of how wrong it seems. Or am I the one being difficult? I'm confused. I feel deep down that if he and I are going to tie the knot one day or even have a lasting relationship, this may be a problem.

Help please. Sorry this was incredibly long. Lots of details, I'm new remember?

[Charlie Boy II]

It's his father. You cannot expect him to disown his own father because he has cheated on his step-mom. That isn't how family works. I think you're being unreasonable.

[Cloud206]

Yeah, there are bonds there that are stronger than your average love conection.I agree with Charlie above

[ladeeda80]

Okay, thanks for your opinions. What should I do then?? Only thing that bothers me is the whole cheating thing anyway... my mom was cheated on. That's why I feel the way I feel. It personally hurts me that his father did that. It hurts my bf and if it hurts my bf then it hurts me too, you know?

What should I do?