What would you do?

[iateyourcookie]

Hey all, I haven't posted in a while. I'm in a dilemma and I need some advice...

Well basically last Friday, my boyfriend told me he wanted to go drinking with his buddies. (He's in the army, so I only see him during the weekends) He even begged permission from me. I said, yeah go ahead, I'm really honestly fine with him going drinking.
He came home around 3am and called me when he reached home. All night I had this really annoying feeling that I've been lied to and he even texted me once that 'I'm drinking' and it still didn't make me feel better.

So when I came over on Saturday, he pulled me into his room and told me not to get angry: he's been consoling this one girl he BARELY KNEW since Monday (that's like, what, 4-5 days?). This girl - or should I say woman - has been recently divorced (she's 33) and her ex-husband keeps abusing her. My bf claims that she always gives guys the evil eye in his camp but apparently this girl felt that she could trust my boyfriend with her secrets.

I was very very mad, not the fact that he was out THE WHOLE NIGHT with her, but when he lied to me to see her. He kept telling me he was scared to tell me cos I might think he's cheating on me with her (I've been cheated on before and he's afraid I see him as my ex). I told him, no, you're an individual, but you really broke my trust here. In the end, we sat and talked for a while, and I calmed down, but I still haven't forgiven him.

So today, I woke up a little late and found a text saying he's meeting this girl AGAIN. My question is: is it really okay that this girl is burdening her marital problems to him (my boyfriend's barely 21) and is it wrong to feel so angry at her for talking to my boyfriend about this problems? I feel that her problems are really out of my boyfriend's hand. The worst part is he kept insisting that she's a mother, can I please be more sensitive to that?

Thank you for your replies in advance.

[xxazurexx]

No I wouldn't be ok with it.

If he want's to play 'knight in shining armour' and rush off to the aid of the 'damsel in distress' type of woman, then he's not a man I want in my life.

She should be talking about her marital problems with her HUSBAND, not another womans bf.

[hello1]

This is leading to trouble. I tell him if he saw this woman again our relationship may be over and I wouldn't trust him.

[jessZ]

No, that is unacceptable and i'd be wondering why he couldn't tell the truth in the first place. I'd kind of understand if my bf consoled a good friend, but not a co-worker/acquaintence and not for DAYS!! This is time and emotional investment that he should be putting into the relationship.

[iateyourcookie]

Yeah, thank you all for the replies. I talked to him earlier and he understands now. I found out alot of stuff they talked about - heck, they talked about sex and she told him she was horny in one point of the conversation! Apparently he freaked out but he didn't do anything to stop it, and I told him I was very very disappointed in him.

I don't want to break off anything to him because of this. He swears he told her to stop contacting him but he refuses to show me the message for proof. I'm at fault too, I didn't press him to.

What do you guys think? Is she genuinely looking for a friend-friend relationship with my boyfriend or does she want something else from him? Because from the way he says it, she expects too much from him (she compliments him - ALOT!) but he says he doesn't acknowledge it. Ugh man I feel very frustrated!

[xxazurexx]

If you see someone as just a friend to help you through your problems, you don't talk sex and tell them how horny you are.....least I don't talk that way.

She compliments him a lot, talks sex and tells him how horny she is, demands a lot of his time - lol, all the signs are there that she is indeed viewing him as MORE than a friend.

She sounds to me like some dirty cow who is bored in her marriage and is looking for some action on the side.

In truth, there will be nothing wrong in her marriage. She has used all this 'victim' stuff and to lure your boyfriend in.

This is of course, if what your boyfriend is saying is true about her and of course, he will blame her.

But he has a choice and if he's that pissed off and freaked out as he claims to be....then he'd stay away!!!

Instead, he's choosing to meet her again.

You decide.

[jessZ]

Yep, she's clearly after more than friendship and probably loves the attention she is getting from him. If I were you I'd pretty much insist her stop seeing her. Or perhaps you could go along with him and assist in giving her advice? Be interesting to see how reacts to that proposal....

[Lipp]

I find it unlikely for a guy who's 21 to be romantically interested in a 33-year old woman when he's already got a girlfriend, is in the army and hangs out drinking every now and then.
I've consoled lady friends of my own in the same age group who were having relationship problems, and as he's keeping it platonic (telling you about it, not fooling around) I don't see what the problem is. If anything he should've told you from the start, but at least now he's rectifying that by letting you know beforehand.

[xxazurexx]

He needs to quit trying to play 'saviour' and stay away from this woman,.because it's obvious and plain as day, what her intentions are. And this guy suspects what her intentions are, which is why he's 'freaking' out!!!! Yet he still chooses to keep her company.

And he would stay away from her and if it meant keeping his gf happy.

She has a husband to talk too.....she should talk to him!

[hello1]

Yeah, thank you all for the replies. I talked to him earlier and he understands now. I found out alot of stuff they talked about - heck, they talked about sex and she told him she was horny in one point of the conversation! Apparently he freaked out but he didn't do anything to stop it, and I told him I was very very disappointed in him.

I don't want to break off anything to him because of this. He swears he told her to stop contacting him but he refuses to show me the message for proof. I'm at fault too, I didn't press him to.

Why wont he show you the text message? hmmm very strange. I bet he wont cut her off and still wanting to see her. MAYBE from his side its just friendship but from her side its not.

[iateyourcookie]

He assures me he really sees her as a friend and nothing else. If I forgot to mention that the woman is divorced, I'm sorry. Well, yeah, he told me she's divorced and the ex-husband is always threatening her and she has nobody to talk to. According to him, all her girlfriends are busy and she can't really trust guys (she works in a camp FULL of guys) Now, I find this ironic because my boyfriend's a guy (duh). And of course, even as she thinks that he is very open-minded, talking about sex just crosses the line in that brief friendship that he has.

Well, he told me he cut off all ties with her, but honestly I'm not sure. He is a man of his word and I knew he would never lie, but what happened on the Friday (the one he lied to me about meeting her) is just bugging me. He keeps insisting he sees her as an 'elder sister' figure, but all I see is this woman trying to take advantage of a young guy who knows nuts about marriage.

Haha, I told him that if he sees her again, I would break it off with him. But it would be pretty awkward since he has to go back to camp tonight, and spend the whole weekdays in there, and she's there. He even tells me that he might bump into her.

[iateyourcookie]

I find it unlikely for a guy who's 21 to be romantically interested in a 33-year old woman when he's already got a girlfriend, is in the army and hangs out drinking every now and then.
I've consoled lady friends of my own in the same age group who were having relationship problems, and as he's keeping it platonic (telling you about it, not fooling around) I don't see what the problem is. If anything he should've told you from the start, but at least now he's rectifying that by letting you know beforehand.

Yeah, I know, but I'm just really frustrated that he lied to me (we talked about that already) and today he meets her and she brings up the topic of sex (a few times actually) and I find it quite strange that he just sits there and takes it in while she tells him she's horny.

I mean, in my culture that's a big no-no already.

[xxazurexx]

According to him, all her girlfriends are busy and she can't really trust guys (she works in a camp FULL of guys)

Then I wonder what made her turn to your bf and made her think she can trust him.

but all I see is this woman trying to take advantage of a young guy who knows nuts about marriage...

It's obvious what her intentions are....yeah.

Thing is and because they work together, they won't be able to avoid bumping into one another.

You are just gonna have to trust him and that he won't talk to her again....there is little else you can do, other than that and if you still want to be with him.

[iateyourcookie]

You're right, azure, I do trust him alot. I just made him realize his mistakes and that's enough for me although I feel quite frustrated with the whole thing. Thank you all for your replies.

Then I wonder what made her turn to your bf and made her think she can trust him.

According to her, he's 'different'. While other guys look at her as a piece of meat while my boyfriend doesn't see her that way. They initially got into a normal conversation, but in the middle of it she broke down and told him about her marital problems, and I'm pretty sure that my bf is just at the wrong place at the wrong time, I guess.

[xxazurexx]

According to her, he's 'different'. While other guys look at her as a piece of meat while my boyfriend doesn't see her that way.

So she wants a decent guy to listen to her problems and without viewing her sexually.

In that case, why talk sexually to your bf??

She talks out her ass! She knows fine well what she wants and that is your bf's meat and if she gets half the chance...LOL