Awkward distance

[jan100]

Long story short.
Both of us in our 30's.

I just feel unhappy in this relationship and I can't explain it and I just don't feel like discussing this with my bf.

This unhappiness was further triggered when I invited him to one of my gal friend outings. We were ordering wine, and both of us liked the same wine so I chose another one and suggested that we share so we can get a taste of each. Normally, he would be happy with this, and even very willing to do so. But that day, in front of my friends, he was bluntly stating that he had no thoughts of sharing his glass of wine with me. i asked if I could maybe get a sip. I felt awkward in front of my friends and he kept insisting that he didn't want to share his glass. He was so emphatic about his decision that my face got red and I just excused myself to go to the bathroom.

What does it mean when a guy embarrasses you in front of your friends in such a childish way?. Is it me just overreacting? I felt that he was doing this on purpose. Was it a joke? If it was, I didn't get it. I was really embarrassed. I always treat his friends with respect out of respect for him. Even his crazy friends- I put up with. Do you think this one-time-thing should be overlooked or see them as signs of something??? Confusing. It's not as though he has bad manners at all. That is why this incident seemed so out of place.

[xxazurexx]

In that situation I just would made some smartass comment back and when he refused to share a glass, then laughed it off.
He'd have been the one having to excuse himself and head for the mens room to recover from my tongue...haha

But then i wouldn't be asking for a sip from his glass. If I'd wanted to taste another wine, I'd have poured my own glass.

I dunno, I'm tending to think you over reacted. But some people are just more sensitive than others, you perhaps are one of them.

Edited: If this is a regular thing he's doing though, as in making lots of comments that you feel are disrespectful, then you need to be asking him why.

[jessZ]

Sounds like this isn't really about him not sharing the glass of wine, but some deeper underlying issues... You say you're 'unhappy in the relationship' - why is this? What needs isn't he meeting?

[Lipp]

Quite frankly, you won't know 'til you ask him what was up that evening. Is it really that hard to tell him that it offended you and ask for an explanation?

[jan100]

I always believed that there were people out there that had the decency to filter
certain remarks in public. Well, I was brought up that way so I may be overreacting. Who knows.

But in the relationship, from day one, I hated the way he made all these cynical remarks or just plain awkward remarks. He seems
to enjoy picking on other people's awkward situation and enjoys making jokes, which I think seem rude.

I've told him that what you say reflects who you are, and i would appreciate it if he was more cautious about his words.
It seems like a bad habit, so I gave him a dose of his own medicine once and he flipped out and was angry.
So, I knew that I wasn't being irrational when I told him to watch what he said.

They're not rude remarks, but you know...hmmm...just remarks that makes everything awkward-remarks you could avoid saying out loud....you know what I mean?

Anyhow, I think I feel sick and tired of his remarks. I dunno if this is a big enough reason to break a relationship.
Why is it so hard to find positive men who are willing to focus and say positive things,...and give ppl the benefit of the doubt?

[xxazurexx]

But in the relationship, from day one, I hated the way he made all these cynical remarks or just plain awkward remarks. He seems
to enjoy picking on other people's awkward situation and enjoys making jokes, which I think seem rude....

Can see where you are coming from now and because I'd find that distasteful too. A one off comment I could stomache, if this was a regular thing it would irritate me.
Negative people drain me, so I can understand why you feel the way you do.

If he has been this way from day one, then it's part of his personality and it would be hard for him to change.

[Lipp]

Guess it's the downside of dating the 'bad boy' of the crowd. Best way to deal with it would be to call him out on it and see if he actually notices that he's doing it (many do it as a force of habit and have become desensitized to its effects and meaning).

[vashti]

both of us liked the same wine so I chose another one and suggested that we share so we can get a taste of each.... he was bluntly stating that he had no thoughts of sharing his glass of wine with me. i asked if I could maybe get a sip. I felt awkward in front of my friends and he kept insisting that he didn't want to share his glass. He was so emphatic about his decision

I think you BOTH behaved badly. He told you he didn't want to share, and you kept insisting. Why did you do that? I would have stopped after the first time he said no. The two of you probably made all of your friends feel awkward.

A lot of people don't like sharing food and drinks, but they feel bullied/nagged in to it by others.

[damn2010]

That's a little bit of a jerk thing...but some people are germaphobes. My own dad and brother will typically NOT finish or try any food or drink that I offer them that I took some of already. Has he shared a drink with you before?

But, him making snide comments and such about other people is probably bringing an underlying insecurity out about himself. Does this guy take himself very seriously?

[Mish]

I don't think it was intentional and you are probably over reacting. But if you are curious, bring it up in a conversation and see what he says.