I finally did it, I broke up with the guy I liked, any opinions on his reactions?

[sheenietee]

Okay, so I did it! I finally told this guy that I have been casually dating for about 2 months that I have been super stressed and busy this summer and don't think it's best that we continue dating but just remain friends and maybe things can be different in the future. He has told me time and time again he wasn't ready for a relationship and I am so I felt this was a necessary move.

His reaction was one of being confused and caught off guard. He said he didn't know what to think and then proceeded to ask what I was stressed about. I told him and then he asked if I stressed him out and I said a bit with the LD but that I mostly needed to just focus on myself. He said "Well, idk, i guess im in kind of a confusing time right now. Long distance isnt very good for me and relationships, especially with how busy i am. (why did he make it about himself?) There is a girl here who wants to date me, and i like her too, but have been holding off, its just kinda strange how everything is unfolding and i feel like this came outta nowhere." I think the girl was a ploy to make me change my mind personally, lol. I asked if he wasn't dating her just because of me and he said "yeah i dont know, just didnt feel right with everything that we had going" Finally I told him it wasn't an easy decision and to go ahead and date the other girl because I'm not available right now and he just said "alright, if this is what you think is best..."Guys, any thoughts on his reactions? The goal is to make him realize that I’m not so easily available and to want me more because now he has to work for me. Do you think this is what he’s feeling? I’m just afraid he might take the opposite route and just try and forget about me.. even though I will be in his life as a good friend.

I'm not trying to play games btw, I really do feel that this was an absolutely necessary move on my part. The way I see it is, if I would have continued giving him everything a gf would with no commitment on his part.. things would have eventually ended badly for me but this way I gain a bit more control and at least have a chance of things working out.

What does everyone think?

[Cloud206]

Well his ego might be hurt so that's why he might have said those things.You expected him to cry and beg ? Not every dude does that.But the beeing surprised part can be real.

[sheenietee]

Haha, no, I didn't expect him to cry and beg! My question about his reaction was kind of, do you think he still has feelings for me and as a result of feeling a "challenge" will want to miss me/pursue me more or will he hold on to just being hurt and just move on?

[damn2010]

Do you WANT him to pursue you? Sounds like you do if you're concerned about his feelings....just move on, you made the move best for you. Now try to disconnect.

[sheenietee]

Yes, I do. It's hard to explain, but no matter what, I want to still be good friends with him even if he does lose interest. I think that if the timing would have been more proper (and he wasn't feeling hurt by his ex) then things would have worked out wonderfully between us because we are highly compatible and always make each other happy.I realize that when a guy says he's not ready for a relationship, he means it and will not change. But if I give him a challenge and let him have his "single" time, I have hope that maybe he'll realize what he's missing, you know? I don't want to move on, I feel comfortable where we are at now.. I just hope he doesn't let his hurt ego decide to just move on from me completely and has hope that he can maybe have me and will pursue me.

[sheenietee]

Yes, I do. It's hard to explain, but no matter what, I want to still be good friends with him even if he does lose interest. I think that if the timing would have been more proper (and he wasn't feeling hurt by his ex) then things would have worked out wonderfully between us because we are highly compatible and always make each other happy.I realize that when a guy says he's not ready for a relationship, he means it and will not change. But if I give him a challenge and let him have his "single" time, I have hope that maybe he'll realize what he's missing, you know? I don't want to move on, I feel comfortable where we are at now.. I just hope he doesn't let his hurt ego decide to just move on from me completely and has hope that he can maybe have me and will pursue me.

Oh, and another thing.. did I make a mistake but not saying a part of the reason why I didn't want to continue things was because I wanted a relationship and he didn't? I left it out because I didn't want to pressure him, but then again.. would that have made him think.. oh, if I want this girl then I have to commit?

Is it too late to explain that to him?

[IncognitoSir]

Oh, and another thing.. did I make a mistake but not saying a part of the reason why I didn't want to continue things was because I wanted a relationship and he didn't? I left it out because I didn't want to pressure him, but then again.. would that have made him think.. oh, if I want this girl then I have to commit?

Is it too late to explain that to him?

You say thats part of the reason, but I seems to be THE reason, yes? If he were to commit to you, you'de be dating him right? In an attempt to be as tactical as possible, you failed to even mention this to him. The reason he's so confused is because you didnt give him the real reason of your decision. Yes, that was a mistake. I'm sure you can try to explain this to him now, but it's gonna look like you're trying to play games.

[xxazurexx]

^^Yeah I agree. When you ended it Sheenie, you should have told this guy the 'true' and 'real' reason why you were ending it and then he would've known what to do, what it would take and if he wanted you back.

The way you chose to end things, would have left this guy totally and utterly baffled (he is not a mind reader) and he could be thinking that you just were not that into him, or you lost interest in him and for that reason, he may decide to leave you alone.

How really silly to end things with someone and not state why and then expect them to realise what you may have wanted and to hope that they come running back. It sounds like you did all this to spite him and in order to get your own way. But you won't get your own way and quite simply because, he isn't aware of what you want.

This could soooo backfire on you.

[sheenietee]

Hmmm.. I did give him an honest explanation though.. things aren't well with my family right now and it does stress me out that we're long distance and I'm hoping I didn't give him the impression that I lost interest because I said "maybe when things are less hectic in the fall we can try something.. that's showing interest, right?" I also said "it's not that I don't like you and definitely stressed how I wanted to remain in his life as good friends."

Next time I talk to him, maybe I'll say "I've been thinking about more why I am so stressed and why I couldn't deal with dating you right now and I think I owe it to you to also say that apart of it is that I do want an actual relationship and I know you aren't ready for one. I was hesitant to tell you that because I didn't wish to pressure you but then I realized that I probably left you really confused and I owed it to you to tell you that was also apart of it."

That's about as honest as I can get! Does this sound alright or will he take it badly? or should I not say it at all and leave it for when I see him in the fall and if he does pursue me, tell him then?
I'm not trying to play games, I'm trying to gain control without completely sabotaging things.. I've never even broken up with a guy before so yes, I'm bound to make some mistakes.

Also, I in no way did this to spite him.. I really care about him as a person. I didn't mention it to save him from feeling pressured to make a decision right then and there, I didn't realize it would deeply confuse him. I have a friend who has been the guy in this situation and he advised me that this was the best route to take.. to just say we're better off as friends but say we could have future together.

[Mish]

"Guys, any thoughts on his reactions? The goal is to make him realize that I’m not so easily available and to want me more because now he has to work for me. Do you think this is what he’s feeling? I’m just afraid he might take the opposite route and just try and forget about me.. even though I will be in his life as a good friend.

It sounds like he accepted the break up and will probably now look for ways to move on.

I don't understand why you think the goal of the break up was to make him work harder. The goal of the break up is to break up, nothing happens after that, the two people separate and go their separate ways. If your goal was to make him work harder on the relationship you should've talked to him about these issues instead of breaking up.

[sheenietee]

^ I feel like if I talked to him about wanting a real relationship he would have just said whatever to keep me around and give me hope and it would not have made a difference. I don't necessarily agree that breaking up with someone make them completely forget about you and move on.. if I was nothing to him then yes, but if not he would try to stay in my life. If he is in my life and when he's over his single phase, maybe he'll realize he misses me and try to pursue me.. not a sure thing but it's better than setting myself up for failure by sticking with him or pressuring him to the point where he begins to resent me.

[Cizzel]

So to avoid being hurt down the road because you didnt think he would commit you decided to abruptly end a relationship that was only 2 months old even though it appears things were going well enough to continue? If you want to him back you should make effort and then take things slow

[sheenietee]

Well honestly, the reason why he isn't ready for a relationship is because he recently tried to rekindle things with his ex and she rejected him. I made him happy throughout all of this, gave him companionship, humor, sex, care, compassion, everything and up until recently, he gave that all back to me. Recently, he started going out on dates (2 girls that I know of) with other girls and started to contact me less and less.. imo, it doesn't seem like things were going uphill, right? He was getting a little too comfortable with me always being there for him and giving him everything for little in return.. imo, if a guy did that to me I would never forsee anything serious with them and would take them for granted and unknowingly use them until I found someone else. I stuck around him for so long cause he gave me so much attention, talked to me everyday, and when the guy starts to show a change in behavior, I feel it was necessary to make a move. To me, if I made him as happy as he seemed and claimed.. why does he need to date others?

I absolutely do not regret breaking up with him.. it would only teach him I'd always be there no matter what.. which is fine in an actual relationship but not in a casual one where he dates others. I do maybe regret leaving out the fact that it was the relationship tihng that was bothering me as well but maybe I'll bring it up with him.

What I kind of find funny is that when I post about what I should do with the guy people advise me to break up with him but when I post that I did break up with him, people say it was a wrong move. lol. (not here, on another forum).

[Mish]

I don't necessarily agree that breaking up with someone make them completely forget about you and move on.. if I was nothing to him then yes, but if not he would try to stay in my life.

I think you will be greatly disappointed in the results of this point of view. Even if you meant a lot to him, he would still move on after a break up, because that's what break up is, an official termination of a relationship, for most people there is no going back. But given that you've only been together for 2 months and he already had some doubts the motivation to move on for him will be even greater. I think if you still have feelings for him, breaking up with him was a mistake on your part. There are other ways to communicate your feelings or issue in a relationship and resolving these issues while still being in the relationship.

Though, what's done is done now. I think your best option at this stage is accept that the two of you may not have been the best match and move on yourself.

[TheTooya]

Hate to burst your bubble, but you have been playing games, and it looks like hes probably not coming back at all