Do I have a problem

[nora]

Hi, this is my first post here, I'm married women, I have some problems with my husband , I feel he is very far from me, the idea and the hoppies, and also he is selfish

many problems happen between us and we want to divorce many times.

I really don't know if I love him or not, sometimes I feel yes another time I just don't want to see him and I saw him as a big looser.

my problems, I'm always looking for a man doing flirting with him and let him careful about me in hidden way - , I never cheated on my husband and I don't want to do that. inside myself there is always a person who I found to love him and thinking about him.

if I tried to stop doing this , I feel my life very bad and the problems increased between me and my husband and being not happy person.

Please it is really diffecult for me , I know it is kind of cheating but I coundn't stop otherwise my life will be silly


give me advice

[mrjquinn]

1. You might need to spice up your sex life to bring him closer to you.
2. Have you tried taking him out on dates?
3. always, always let him know what your feeling so he can be a better communicator

[nora]

- I don't interest doing sex with him and many times I imagine another person to enjoy sex with him ( I'm sorry I know it is too bad but it is the truth) and actually I'm always acting I'm enjoy but I don't.
- yes, and I told him we are going on date he is laugthing and it is change to be like just going out
- he knows that but not direct , the main reason I wish he will do mistake to divorce him because I will have a reason otherwise I'm thinking he loves me I know but may be because I'm the person who cares about him and doing every thing to him so he depends on me.

[Raverboy808]

So is a divorce totally out of the question???


Raverboy

[nora]

I want to but I'm afried I'm wrong and I love him or I will be totally alone specially I'm here alone and I don't have friend because I'm new in this country

[Illusional]

this is the part that gets me the most... i'm raverboy btw...

anyhow, you want to move on with your life, yet you want to cling onto the past because you're afraid of being alone. wtf is up with that??? call it selfish if you want to, or maybe it's pitiful, but i feel that if you truly aren't in love with him to the fullest, then you're only wasting your time, if not all of his time.


raverboy

[Mish]

I really don't know if I love him or not, sometimes I feel yes another time I just don't want to see him and I saw him as a big looser.

my problems, I'm always looking for a man doing flirting with him and let him careful about me in hidden way - , I never cheated on my husband and I don't want to do that. inside myself there is always a person who I found to love him and thinking about him.

Could you please elaborate a bit more on the nature of the problems? Because, so far it sounds like the biggest problem in your relationship with you husband is you.

[nora]

Ok, the first thing he depends on me in every thing (money, responsiblity) I just be like his mam - he never cares about the rent or anything because he know I do all these staff actually I give him money for him and alot of money, and he didn't help me in home (I'm working and he is not) and he want child and he never thinking about how we should live and when we arrieved here he be with his family and do what they want from him , I did many thing for him but he never appreciate that and I decieded to divorce him and I was going to the lawer and then he called me and accepted every thing that I told him ( help me, be with me because he married me not his family and no child till he will find job) anyway, I know he loves me but I think he doesn't love me really may be he feels that because he needs me . and he changed he wasn't the same person ( he was so kind and loves me so much) now he told me sometimes that but I didn't feel that and he stop going out with me ( I spend the weekend sometimes alot and this is increased by the day), before he always come with me to the places that I'd like but now he told me I'm not interest in these places and so I go where I want and he also .(you know I don't want to do baby because I'm not sure we will stay togather - and when I have something important for me like job interview or exam ) he forget that always and not even ask but me I called him many times and I know every thing in details do you think these small things will not change me ! I was live him so much but many times I feel he is very selfish and then I don't know

[Mish]

(you know I don't want to do baby because I'm not sure we will stay togather - and when I have something important for me like job interview or exam ) he forget that always and not even ask but me I called him many times and I know every thing in details do you think these small things will not change me ! I was live him so much but many times I feel he is very selfish and then I don't know

I agree with you that you should definitely hold off on having a baby.

It sounds like you need to setup some ground rules. You need to tell him that you can't run the house and pay for everything all by yourself and you expect his contribution. Tell him that you are understanding of the fact that he doesn't have a job, but give him a tough but fair time limit to find one. Give him a benefit of a doubt in that time period (don't hound him) but keep to the time limit. If the time limit is gone and he's still not contributing then you should go ahead with separation because it will mean that things will always be this way.

Don't do anything inappropriate in the meantime. Stop your flirting, don't antagonize him.

[Illusional]

well... with what you said... why are you still with him? if he's depending on you so much and you're getting tired of it, i can see that you've already told him once about this problem. with that being said, why are you still with him? so you kinda half ass love him, yet with each passing day, you feel as though you don't have to deal with his bullshit... what, what is keeping you with him? honestly?


raverboy

[CAM]

I think that your husband is preying on your insecurities. He figures that you'll provide for him and not stray and be a good servant to him. He's obviously very selfish and oblivious to you.

You should use this as an opportunity to move on and discover your own strengths before you marry again.

[nora]

Hi thanks so much for all of you, Actually I 'm staying with him because of:
1- if I will leave him he will destroyed completely , he is without aim without me
2- when we were in another country he was working also I know his salary less than me but he was working and not helping in home
3- I think my be he accept to change even a little bit and then we are new here and he doesn't have work and he is studying the language so it is not good if I leave him ( I will be selfish)
4- and honstly I waiting a good chance to leave him because even when I'm return to home I saw him sad and when he do something he is being angry
5- he deals with me in a very selfish if I spend money for my self he will ask me he want to buy something and something and for him even in my birthday one day he forget and another day he always give me a silly gift but me I always give him very expensive gifts even if I barrow the money
6- he bring his mam to live with us and after the last fight between us she doesn't come it should come each two weeks and I don't like this thing so I think I may be use this thing to divorce him
at the end, I don't know if I love him or not because I never tried to be far from him and I might travel to Euorpe to see if I can live without him
and when many times we reached to divorce i feel my head is empty and happy because I will leave all these silly responsiblity
thank again

[TheTooya]

I vote divorce. You should be with someone that makes you happy... this guy sounds like he is leaching away your happiness...

[CAM]

You can't stay to make his life comfortable. We only live once and our lives should not be a self-imposed prison sentence. But, your life and your choice. Personally, I think your fears of being alone are what drive your choice...you put it on him, though. I'd bet he wouldn't even know if you'd left.

Great movie for you to watch, highly recommend it: Shirley Valentine.

You would totally identify with it and you would laugh, cry, and possibly be emboldened by this really touching movie.

[nora]

hi Cam, I saw the movie , it is lovely
it makes me cry and laugh , and has alot of meaning inside

thank you so much