Depression.

[kimbereyb]

i really need some advice.
im 20, i left school when i was 16 years old. i quit college within a month & since then, i have done nothing. I am so depressed and low, no-one seems to understand. Ive had a rough few years, i was messed around by my boyfriend until i was 18, he made me hate myself, took all my confidence and i felt i was good for nothing. In the space of these four years i feel everytime i just get on my feet, something happens. my mums been in hopsital 3 times, twice in intensive care for up to 14 weeks at a time. She struggles with depression too, im always worried/scared shes going to get ill. & we've had some real serious family issues which have also affcted my moods. Im in a new relationship and although my boyfriend tries.. he just doesnt understand me. I cant talk to my mum for reasons ive alread stated and my dads not the sort of person to sit and talk serious. I feel so alone. I wake up everyday and just cry, if someone says the littlest thing or does the littlest thing, i breakdown. i take it out on my boyfriend and its puttin a real strain on our relationship, i know its diffcult for him but i just wish he'd try. he goes out with his friends quite alot - i know its important he does this and he is only my age too... but how can i tell him i need him around for support? when we do things together it makes my mood pick up. but he doesnt seem to see this. i know it bothers him and his family.. who are quite snobby that i dont work, but im really not stable enough to do so. any advice?

[afterhourz]

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wm9sus3PnAs[/url]

Realize that you are no less then any other human. Realize that you are simply perceiving your life in a negative way- and you have a choice to perceive them in a positive way, but that's strictly up to you. There are people in far worse conditions then you that are smiling every single day of their lives without a single ounce of depression-why? Because they realize that in 'hard' events in life, there are great opportunities to learn, and grow from. They realize that they've been given a gift, rather then a nightmare. People with such 'hard' events in life are usually the ones that end up appreciating life way more as opposed to someone who has everything given to them in life, with very few 'hard' life events.

You are choosing to perceive things negatively. Find the light at the end of the tunnel. Realize you are worthy simply because you exist, if you weren't worthy- you wouldn't exist in the first place! Nature makes no mistake, you have a great purpose. As for your family/mother, just try to understand that it is a part of life, and whatever happens, happens for a reason. There is a lot for you to learn here, but it is up to you if you want to accept that or not. Once you REALIZE that you are depressed, it goes from an addiction/habbit to a choice. You are subconsciously choosing to be this way. So stop. it will take time.. take baby steps at first.

It's all about perception. No one's going to feel bad for you, and neither should you. Channel your energy through a more positive atmosphere. Good luck.

[Gigabitch]

Get rid of the boyfriend. He's not helping. In fact, you're using him to maintain your cycle of depression. He didn't make you hate yourself. You've stayed with him because you hate yourself. Send yourself a message that you're going to start taking better care of yourself and chuck him.

You have to learn to take better care of yourself than anyone ever has. I would imagine your mom hasn't really been there for you- too wrapped up in her own depression. For your own health, you need to learn to disentangle yourself from that mess and learn to stand on your own. I know what I'm talking about. I've been through something similar.

You need to make a very basic, very difficult change. It's going to be hard because it's going to be at the foundation level of yourself. I suggest you start writing down your personal goals so you don't forget them in moments of weakness.

[qwertz]

Giga pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Life has its ups and downs, and sometimes its hard to get back up from those downs, but you can do it, you need to break the cycle of depression, easier said than done, it took me a while to realise that the only one that can help you is yourself, there is only so much that anyone else can do for you.
Like giga said, write down your goals, what you want to aim for, that was suggested to me here on this forum and i have done it and it has helped immensely, being depressed makes it hard to see the bigger picture, to see things getting better, but they do, trust me.

[jackmartinn55]

Depression is a serious decease. You are just a 20 years old. First of all you keep cool yourself. Do not think more about your past life. Because you have such a long life to leave. Never think who left you think about who are with you. Just look at your family. They are really loves you so much. So please join your school again. Concentrate on your study. Listening Music theropy is a best in depression. You can also play with your friends. Do some activities in which you are interested.

[returnofthezro]

depression in my opinion is a form of weakness - i think its a point when people give up and admit defeat in life, the depression is a safety net - something that people can fall back on and can blame for their own failures,

i think people confuse depression with sadness or dissatisfaction, of course all of us go through periods where we are sad/feeling down, but to call it a disease in my opinion is a cop out, because it entails that you are actually sick (like cancer, flu etc) and have no control over it, we live in a feeling concentrated society, where feelings of sadness etc are unacceptable, when in my opinion, its normal, people should accept it, suck it up take action and move on

while you do seem to have real issues (like health issues with your old lady), you seem to blame your ex for "low self confidence" and provided no explanation as to why you are currently not doing anything, it seems like apart from your mum (which hopefully has been resolved) - you seem to have no problems, if theres something in your life that you dont like, the quickest way to fix it is to take action, if you think your boyfriend isnt doing what he is supposed to be doing, dump him, if you are feeling down about not being in school, enroll, you are only 20, you have heaps of time, point is talking about it, crying etc, is not going to fix anything, you need to take action, pick out the specific things in your life that you dont like (school, work, boyfriend, girlfriend etc) and take action to fix them, that in my opinion is the only thing that will make things better
'
my brother and dad supposedly suffer from depression, brother tried to take his own life because of it, so i do have some experience, not a doctor, but all the above is just my 2 cents, take it or leave it

[hurt_confuzd]

I bet I could stop your depression.

[Incognito]

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wm9sus3PnAs[/url]

Realize that you are no less then any other human. Realize that you are simply perceiving your life in a negative way- and you have a choice to perceive them in a positive way, but that's strictly up to you. There are people in far worse conditions then you that are smiling every single day of their lives without a single ounce of depression-why? Because they realize that in 'hard' events in life, there are great opportunities to learn, and grow from. They realize that they've been given a gift, rather then a nightmare. People with such 'hard' events in life are usually the ones that end up appreciating life way more as opposed to someone who has everything given to them in life, with very few 'hard' life events.

You are choosing to perceive things negatively. Find the light at the end of the tunnel. Realize you are worthy simply because you exist, if you weren't worthy- you wouldn't exist in the first place! Nature makes no mistake, you have a great purpose. As for your family/mother, just try to understand that it is a part of life, and whatever happens, happens for a reason. There is a lot for you to learn here, but it is up to you if you want to accept that or not. Once you REALIZE that you are depressed, it goes from an addiction/habbit to a choice. You are subconsciously choosing to be this way. So stop. it will take time.. take baby steps at first.

It's all about perception. No one's going to feel bad for you, and neither should you. Channel your energy through a more positive atmosphere. Good luck.

Ok, I feel that I have to interject here. Sometimes it is more than simply perceiving things negatively. Sometimes it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Depression often runs in the family, so to say that it is simply a perception problem is often not accurate. Some people DO have short periods in which they feel "down" because of certain events (ie death in the family or debt), but this is to be expected. I think the wisest thing to do is to figure out if this feeling of depression has always been there, always is there, and if there is something specific that is causing it. If the answer is "yes" then you may need to seek professional help. I've been there, and "professional help" doesn't sound appealing at all but it can help a lot. I'll pm you (the original poster).

depression in my opinion is a form of weakness - i think its a point when people give up and admit defeat in life, the depression is a safety net - something that people can fall back on and can blame for their own failures,

i think people confuse depression with sadness or dissatisfaction, of course all of us go through periods where we are sad/feeling down, but to call it a disease in my opinion is a cop out, because it entails that you are actually sick (like cancer, flu etc) and have no control over it, we live in a feeling concentrated society, where feelings of sadness etc are unacceptable, when in my opinion, its normal, people should accept it, suck it up take action and move on

while you do seem to have real issues (like health issues with your old lady), you seem to blame your ex for "low self confidence" and provided no explanation as to why you are currently not doing anything, it seems like apart from your mum (which hopefully has been resolved) - you seem to have no problems, if theres something in your life that you dont like, the quickest way to fix it is to take action, if you think your boyfriend isnt doing what he is supposed to be doing, dump him, if you are feeling down about not being in school, enroll, you are only 20, you have heaps of time, point is talking about it, crying etc, is not going to fix anything, you need to take action, pick out the specific things in your life that you dont like (school, work, boyfriend, girlfriend etc) and take action to fix them, that in my opinion is the only thing that will make things better
'
my brother and dad supposedly suffer from depression, brother tried to take his own life because of it, so i do have some experience, not a doctor, but all the above is just my 2 cents, take it or leave it

You say that you have experience with dealing with depression because of your family members, yet you seem surprisingly unsympathetic and insensitive about it. You seem to be the kind of person who mocks what they don't understand. While I don't think depression can totally be classed as a "disease" it is definitely a negative condition that can affect all aspects of one's life. At one point I was so depressed that for a month I stayed in bed for 22 out of 24 hours a day. I only left to occasionally eat and use the restroom, and I was about 19-20.

Society is full of sad people and sad things, but that doesn't mean that real [clinical] depression doesn't exist.

I also had to point out this part of your post:

i think people confuse depression with sadness or dissatisfaction, of course all of us go through periods where we are sad/feeling down, but to call it a disease in my opinion is a cop out, because it entails that you are actually sick (like cancer, flu etc) and have no control over it, we live in a feeling concentrated society, where feelings of sadness etc are unacceptable, when in my opinion, its normal, people should accept it, suck it up take action and move on

It almost looks like you have something against people suffering from depression. I don't know anyone who wants to be depressed. It is a terrible feeling, so don't even try to make depression look like some sort of act. I'm also glad that you stated that this is all just your opinion because it seems ignorant and insensitive. It also doesn't help the original poster in any way whatsoever.

[returnofthezro]

the way i see it, the difference between short periods of sadness and depression, is that people decide to be spineless and do nothing about it (for example spending 22 hours/day in bed instead of taking action to fix what was wrong). you can sprout all you want about chemicals in the brain, but from a symptoms point of view, whats the difference between sadness and depression? the difference lies in the person's response, the symptoms are exactly the same

you are right i am not sympathetic, it might be macho, but i dont respect weakness, if you come up against a problem in your life, and all you can do is wallow in your own misery (again like spending 22 hours/day in bed), then you are a weak shit and dont deserve any kind of sympathy

depression in my opinion is a convenient myth, you get weak people use it as safety net to explain why they dont take action to fix their problems, the psychiatrist charge $200/hour to tell you the obvious and the drug companies get rich selling placebos, everyone wins

dont call me ignorant, obviously you have a personal connection to this issue due to your past, but just because you dont agree with my opinion, does not make me ignorant

[vashti]

zro - I miss when you used the F word constantly.

[returnofthezro]

vashti - i am really trying to not swear too much, patience is a virtue i dont have, i think i have been good - came close to letting loose in the above post though, but like you i miss the f word, i used it constantly and in such colourful ways, i think it was a bit of a gift, others did not quite see it the same way, shame really

[Incognito]

the way i see it, the difference between short periods of sadness and depression, is that people decide to be spineless and do nothing about it (for example spending 22 hours/day in bed instead of taking action to fix what was wrong). you can sprout all you want about chemicals in the brain, but from a symptoms point of view, whats the difference between sadness and depression? the difference lies in the person's response, the symptoms are exactly the same

you are right i am not sympathetic, it might be macho, but i dont respect weakness, if you come up against a problem in your life, and all you can do is wallow in your own misery (again like spending 22 hours/day in bed), then you are a weak shit and dont deserve any kind of sympathy

depression in my opinion is a convenient myth, you get weak people use it as safety net to explain why they dont take action to fix their problems, the psychiatrist charge $200/hour to tell you the obvious and the drug companies get rich selling placebos, everyone wins

dont call me ignorant, obviously you have a personal connection to this issue due to your past, but just because you dont agree with my opinion, does not make me ignorant

You know what I wrote a whole different post saying exactly what I felt needed to be said, but its just not worth it. Would I have felt better? Probably, but it would have just turned into a shouting/cursing match.

A few truths though:

Yes I do have a personal connection to this issue and I PMed the OP in regards to my experience.

It doesn't really matter if you think that depression is an excuse for spineless or lazy people because you haven't experienced it firsthand, so I shouldn't expect you (or anyone else for that matter) to truly appreciate what depression can be for some people.

I will apologize if you felt insulted by me calling you "ignorant", but there is more than one definition for the word. I was simply stating that you are speaking about a subject on which you don't have firsthand experience. That's it.

I'm trying to be "better" also, which is why I deleted my entire original post in favor of this one.

[vashti]

vashti - i am really trying to not swear too much, patience is a virtue i dont have, i think i have been good - came close to letting loose in the above post though, but like you i miss the f word, i used it constantly and in such colourful ways, i think it was a bit of a gift, others did not quite see it the same way, shame really

maybe you should start a cursing thread, only for those with extraordinary talent? You could inventive spelling to say the F word.

[Illusional]

yes, you have to learn how to stand on your own two feet. sure, it won't be all the time, but there will be times when there in no one that you can turn to. being that you depend on your bf so much, he might one day just decide that you're irritating and he doesn't want to deal with you anymore. i'm not trying to be harsh, but by depending on him constantly and overcrowding him, you can actually push people away. spend a lot of time with him, yet give him the space that he needs when he wants to go out with his friends. in turn, maybe you should start looking into other activities like the library or shit i dunno.... internet chats. they are very helpful when you're in need of killing time, and there isn't anyone around who you can hang with.


raverboy

[yujinha]

i swear when i read this i thought i was reading something i posted a while ago. i can relate in pretty much every way. i am 22 and when i was 16 i dropped out of school. about a year later i got into a relationship with my best friend that ended horrible. after this i just always felt like the worst thing on earth, like i was lower then everyone else. my mother started get sick around this time as well. i found out that i didnt need a diploma to take classes in junior college so i took a few. i still couldnt focus and ended my classes half way thru. it was the same with work. i didnt even quit, i just stopped going. what made it worse was that i separated myself from most of my friends so i had no one to talk to. finally the most recent impact on my life came. i lost my mother.

after all this, i tried talking with everyone that would listen. friends, family, and online forums. almost everyone said that i need to stop thinking the worst of myself. if your anything like me, that doesnt really help. what makes it worse is that its true. what really made me start doing something about this was that i realized that i didnt want to go another year feeling this way. the last couple of years have seem like a week. i still cant believe its 2010. make small changes to improve your life. the smallest accomplishment is still an accomplishment. keep in mind that its not going to be quick and easy. i still have a lot of trouble and i still fell alone. i really wish i had someone to hold me and let me know that their there.