How to fix this problem...

[TheTooya]

So, before anyone starts any shit with this thread, I realize I am to blame, with this.. I am not looking for criticism, I am looking for helpful advice (Sorry Charlie Boy) I know I messed up bad with this one, so...

That said, I accidently told my girlfriend something I shouldn't have. I accidently told her that my mom was trying to suggest other girls for me (which basically meant my girlfriend was not good enough.) Obviously this hurt my girlfriends feelings, and her way of lashing out was blocking my mom on facebook (Yay, we are all adults here). My mom isn't dumb, and saw that after she suggested other girls to me, that my girlfriend blocked her wall posts.

My mom called me, telling me that she can tell my girlfriend blocked her, and that I am stupid for telling her, because if there was a future with this girl, I basically shot it dead. She then went on to say that even friends of my girlfriend have blocked her on facebook (... which is not true... my mom is being a little dramatic.) So I am surrounded by two dramatic woman.... yay!

So, with all of that, I have an upset mom, who I know will get over this situation... and a girlfriend that doesn't trust/like my mom.

What can I do right now... or do I simply don't have options and should play it by ear?

Also, why is Facebook drama such a pain in the ass. Can't people get a better way to vent their frustrations at eachother?!

[AlastairBarnes]

Mate how did u even accidently tell her she was suggesting other girls?! My mum has done this before when i was going out with my ex, but I would never tell her. Your mum will get over it, you shouldnt worry about her and tell her to see it from your girlfriends perspective. Just play it down with your girlfriend, say that your mum wasnt being serious and it was a bit of a joke and maybe get your mum to even apologise and say it was nothing serious. But maybe if your mum even thinks you can do better than your girlfriend, maybe you can and you mite want to think about that.

[lahnnabell]

I'd be upset too if I were in your girlfriend's position. It's very important for families to get along (especially when your mom is as important to you as you say) if there is to be a future for your relationship. I think the first step is to give the situation some breathing room. If you need to, ask your mom to seriously stop trying to throw other girls in your face. If she continues this, end the conversation. Show her that you don't want any part in her matchmaking plans by not indulging her when she starts a tirade.

As for your girlfriend, don't discuss the issue with her right now. Work on letting your relationship with her do some healing by injecting some positivity. This includes being far less needy. Maybe you guys could schedule calls. I know it's nearly as crazy romantic as wanting to talk all the time, but your girlfriend DOESN'T want to talk all the time. You guys are far past the honeymoon stage. Combine that with your jobs/internships and the distance between you and you've got your work cut out for you.

You need to work on building more of a life for yourself. I know you say you've made the effort, but keep up with it. I couldn't possibly talk to my boyfriend every day at this stage in our relationship. 1. our work schedules fluctuate on a weekly basis, 2. we both have separate groups of friends, 3. we'd have nothing to talk about. Healthy relationships are balanced ones, not the life-consuming, "I need to hear your voice every day or I go crazy" ones.

I'm not gonna harp on the negative aspects of your girl as it seems you want to keep her in your life. But stop doing the bare minimum with the boring phone calls and all. How about sending her a sweet package with some stuff from NY? That's where you are, right? Don't even try to talk about the mom issue right now.

[TheTooya]

@Lahna

Yep, well, todays the first day, but I am going to entirely stop calling her as much as I did... She seems to be busier so I will let her call me when shes free (which probably won't be every day.) I'm just going to go out with friends more, go out drinking more, and play video games when I am off work (Stuff I don't really do when we are living together in college..)

I am suppose to surprise visit her for 4th of July weekend (she has it off), and I really like that idea with the package! (now if only I had my first pay check......)

I wont talk about the mom issue... but I know mom will be bringing it up again, and she will likely bring up the mom issue again too.............. Maybe I should just tell her "I dont want to talk about it" :/

[lahnnabell]

If your girlfriend wants to talk about it, then let her. But set some ground rules. Ask her not to bash your mother, and ask that she speak to you respectfully. She is upset, but it doesn't mean she has to be a bitch.

About two weeks ago my boyfriend and I had a similar issue where he was frustrated by my desire to see him, which he felt was greater than his desire to see me. He was away for 4 months in Mexico, so I was dying to be around him as much as possible. He wanted to spend more time diligently applying for jobs and with his friends who were graduating and moving away. I got to see him about once or twice a week only anyway. At his request for some space, I stopped calling, deleted my IM program, and cut my online time in half. I became virtually unavailable. I spent more time with my new friend at work, hanging out at the bar after work, taking myself shopping, etc.

Fast forward to last Friday he texted me telling me he missed me. He called me while I was out to lunch yesterday to give me his schedule for the next few days, and said jokingly said he was a bit jealous of my new friend getting all my attention. And he texted me last night while I was at work just to tell me he was thinking of me.

Just an example of how giving someone space works.

[TheTooya]

So... New update (I'm on iPhone so it's a little short MSG)... My moms reaction to this ordeal is, because my gf blocked her on facebook, she won't let my gilfriend in her house/ doesn't want the rest of the family dealing with her... ...

WTF, why can't I be around non-psychotic women... >_< ??

I'm just going to let time heals... Surely my mom wouldn't continue this grudge long long term... Right? O.0

[IncognitoSir]

So... New update (I'm on iPhone so it's a little short MSG)... My moms reaction to this ordeal is, because my gf blocked her on facebook, she won't let my gilfriend in her house/ doesn't want the rest of the family dealing with her... ...

WTF, why can't I be around non-psychotic women... >_< ??

I'm just going to let time heals... Surely my mom wouldn't continue this grudge long long term... Right? O.0

This is why your MOM, shouldn't be your facebook friend. How old are you? Why is your mother so involved in your romantic life? More importantly, how old is your mom, she's acting pretty imature. (no offnse) She needs to butt out, and let you work things out for yourself....how else are you going to learn anything if she's there holding your hand all the damn time?

[TheTooya]

I am 22, my mother is 45. I was able to NOT be friends with her for about... I'd say a good year or so.... She sent a friend request, I casually ignored it. Everytime she asked me if I could accept her facebook, I told her I didn't use it that much, when I get to it I will accept her.... well she saw I changed my profile picture, and called me demanding I accept her friend request...

... This is the type of mom I am facing... <_<

My mom is so involved in my romantic life.... because she just, shoves her self into other peoples business. ... Its gotten to be extremely aggravating... <_<

PS to clear any confusion, no I do not live with my mom. I am a graduate student going to college, and then probably heading right into the real world post-december

[IncognitoSir]

I am 22, my mother is 45. I was able to NOT be friends with her for about... I'd say a good year or so.... She sent a friend request, I casually ignored it. Everytime she asked me if I could accept her facebook, I told her I didn't use it that much, when I get to it I will accept her.... well she saw I changed my profile picture, and called me demanding I accept her friend request...

... This is the type of mom I am facing... <_<

My mom is so involved in my romantic life.... because she just, shoves her self into other peoples business. ... Its gotten to be extremely aggravating... <_<

PS to clear any confusion, no I do not live with my mom. I am a graduate student going to college, and then probably heading right into the real world post-december

Ok, your mom is nosey and all that jazz but at what point are you going to put your foot down and take control over your own life. She's probably a good 50 percent of your problem and until you deal with her, you're never going to be able to get things going with your chick.....or any chick for that case. Its not the end of the world if you say no to your mom guy. You're seem to be a mammas boy, I guess there's nothing wrong with that, unless it's affecting, I don't know, your personal life.

[TheTooya]

Ok, your mom is nosey and all that jazz but at what point are you going to put your foot down and take control over your own life. She's probably a good 50 percent of your problem and until you deal with her, you're never going to be able to get things going with your chick.....or any chick for that case. Its not the end of the world if you say no to your mom guy. You're seem to be a mammas boy, I guess there's nothing wrong with that, unless it's affecting, I don't know, your personal life.

No, you are very right. What I intend on doing, is just continue dating my current girlfriend. If my mom really, can't let this facebook thing slide, then its my moms loss in the long run if I do get married, etc...

And yea, I am a mamas boy, I was raised up with a single parent for about 16 years of my life... :/

[vashti]

Oh, please. Show me a mom on the planet that doesn't want the best possible girl for her son.... there isn't one. Your mom is behaving like a mom, and this whole thing was YOUR fault. Why would you want to hurt your girlfriend by telling her this anyway?

Why doesn't your mom like your girlfriend? What does she see that you are ignoring?

[TheBlackFlux]

"So I am surrounded by two dramatic woman.... yay!"

"WTF, why can't I be around non-psychotic women"

I feel you man. LOL. Sorry, it just sucks.

-

I'd definitely be diplomatic with your GF and set firm boundaries with your mother. Not the other way around. I'd probably even unfriend her (mom) on facebook.

She is:
1) Controlling
2) Crazy atm
Ofc everyone is crazy at some point of their life, no offense meant. I think you've got a good attitude on this so far, ask girls here for more advice on your GF. Explain to your mother, that she can't meddle with your romantic life and other stuff, you're a grown up. If she's hysteric, just wait, she's just testing if you are serious with this, things will settle later on. If they won't, lol, I'm sorry. But you see you can't go on with anything, if you're being monitored all the time.

Good luck mate

[TheTooya]

I didnt want to hurt my girlfriend or anything, I had told her I had been argueing with mom all day, and she pressed me about it and wouldnt stop asking why I was arguing, even after I insisted I didnt want to talk about it. In hindsight, I should have made something up, I'm just not really good at lieing... so I told her part of the truth (I didnt tell her that mom was obsessing over this girl for weeks.......)

And why my mom doesnt like my girlfriend? Up until this facebook incident, she said my girlfriend was "a very nice girl." About 3 weeks ago, my family had a company meeting in the Phillipines, and apparently one of the girls there has a crush on me (and is very attractive too, mind you.) Because of this, my mom has been insisting that I tell me gf that I should want an open relationship, telling me I should ditch my girlfriend, telling me EVERY girl I have ever dated was ugly and I am intimidated by beautiful woman like this girl.... she really got, obssessive.

But, two days ago, my mom still said, "I think she is a very nice girl, but I think you can get a more attractive girl!" ...

Now that my girlfriend has blocked my mom from seeing her facebook wall, my mom has blocked my girlfriend from seeing her wall, and now my mom hates my girlfriend and told me if she is willing to block her from facebook, she will block the rest of the family too... etc...

.... I hope I am not the only one that sees this facebook thing as extremely childish...

Anyway, thats it...

I don't know if there is any fix except time...........

[TheTooya]

I'd probably even unfriend her (mom) on facebook.

As much as I would love to defriend my mom at this point, I know I would never hear the end of it from both my parents (when it comes to stuff like this, my stepdad gets mad if I distance myself from mom, whose lonely at work all the time, etc...)

Mom has actually been ok now. She called, mentioned how stupid I was, and when I staid "Stop, not right now...", she stopped. But, the fact that she has some unholy grudge against my gf over something I think is petty..... its a little disturbing.

Girlfriend... last I spoke with her was last night. I know shes busy with work, so I am not going to actively persue calling her all the time. Last night she seemed a lot better, but I will give her some space... which I think will help her right now.

[cmacattack1]

I don't think it's very mature and appropriate of the mom to constantly bring up negative things to say about her son's girlfriend. If you guys like each other and make each other happy, that should be more than enough for her. You do allow your mom more say than she needs to, and this facebook stuff is stupid as you say. And I would be pissed to if I was your girlfriend as well. You guys will find your way and if you guys are unhappy, you'll break up and deal with it on your own. And dealing with it on your own is the best learning experience I can possibly think of.

Don't let your mom into as much of your personal life. I know you have to maintain a relationship with her, but if she starts with the bashing, I would remind her that it isn't her place and that you take offense to her comments. If she doesn't get the picture, back away from her, don't call your mom as much etc. etc. Focus on your girlfriend, the one that makes you happy, and make her feel as loved as you can. Focusing your energy towards a positive result can't really hurt things any more than they already have been.