Complicated Situation

[Reesie]

Good day all.

My story/question has a lot of different parts; but I will try to be brief. I am a mother of two kids and still live with their father. I met this guy in January and I have been seeing him until recently. My kids father is suposed to be moving out in September, and my friend said he was willing to wait for me.

I knew our situation wasn't ideal for a relationship, but I had hope for the future, and he expressed and appeared to want more too. But about three weeks ago now, he told me that he thought we should go our seperate ways, that he didnt have time for a girlfriend, and wanted to focus on his life. I was devasted, but I attributed his decision to the situation and him not wanting to wait around any longer. I of course still had hope, and decided that I would respect his wishes and not bother him.

Two weeks went by with no contact (except I saw him once and only said HI), and then he BB'd me and asked me to call him. Overwhelmed with excitement, I called him. To my dismay, he called me to ask me about a girl that he was persuing. This girl is actually my cousin, and one of my closest friends. He called me because he had mentioned my name to her and she told him that we are cousins. He was trying to get me to lie to her and say that he wasnt the guy I had been cool with.

Of course, this stung so bad and I called her as soon as we hung up. She said she had already figured out he was the guy I was seeing, and was going to call me about it. She then called him to tell him that we had spoken. He is very upset with me for telling her this, although I do not feel that I was wrong. He began to make our situation seem like it was simply casual, like none of the feelings either of us ever expressed existed. I apologised to him the next day because I felt like I had maybe taken the situation out of context. Nonetheless, he claims that nothing about me changed, that he just lost interest. A few days later I asked my cousin if her and the guy were still communicating. I asked her to erase him from her BB contacts, and he immediately called her to find out why she had deleted him.

He then BB'd me expressing his anger, to which I told him that he should have been honest with me from the beginning. Then he deleted me.

I still have feelings for him, and hope that things can work out in the future. I understand that our situation wasnt healthy to be having a relationship. I do not plan on contacting him until my situation is ideal. I want to know if it would be weird for things to work out between us beingst that he had briefly been talking with my cousin/friend. The situation could have been totally different if he had not contacted me telling me about my cousin. I still believe he has feelings for me, but that he got tired of waiting around for me to truly be available. Can this situation be rectified, and how?

[hurt_confuzd]

Did you just double-post?

Uh oh. I see beatings in your future.

[Reesie]

oops can i delete it

[xxazurexx]

I don't think he ended things with you and because of your situation. He ended it and because another woman caught his eye who he was more interested in....your cousin. Much to his dismay, he found out she was your cousin and if she hadn't been a relative, he'd have probably now been happily in a relationship with her.

You want a future for the both of you?? LOL - Sorry but you can't just say and decide that you want a future with someone, they have got to want it too and I don't think you will have any future with this guy. I'm unsure why you would even want a future with him. Men who love you, don't just up and leave the woman they love and because she is in a difficult situation. Men are 'fixers' ...he would have tried to help you get out of your situation and so you would be free to be together, rather than run off to pursue your cousin. And because he is so smitten with your cousin, he even had the balls to call you and asked you to DENY your relationship ever existed and so as to make it easier to get with her.

And this is the man you want a future with?

All I can say is, Good Luck....

[lahnnabell]

azure said everything I wanted to say!

[cmacattack1]

azure is right, you have to reasonable about this and not gloss over his glaring flaws because you still have feelings for him and hope things will work out again. No matter how much you care about him, if he does not feel the same way, you guys cannot and will not ever work out. It's a tough pill to swallow but something that has to be accepted. He is always going to have a piece of you, and it's not consolation that you have to keep in touch with each other concerning the kids. All you can do focus on yourself and what makes you happy, including your kids, and you will find somebody else. Your self worth isn't determined by what he wants and doesn't want. He is passing up all you have to offer and there are consequences with that. Only fair he should have to experience them.

His actions speak volumes about how he feels. He doesn't respect you and is pathetically trying to get with your cousin. Brazen enough to ask you to help him. He's no good for you. Accept this fact and tell yourself this. We are all fully capable of learning and growing, but his actions are showing his true colors and his focus is on getting with other people instead of changing himself for the better. If you were to get back together and he hasn't worked on himself or changed (and either have you), logically you both would be destined for break up again. The honeymoon is over, he's a jerk and is looking out for only himself right now. You should be looking out for you and putting yourself first as well.

[drdamian]

He didn't end things with you cause of your situation he ended it because of his selfish reasons...he lies saying that he wants to focus on himself and then he is all interested in your cousin and how he just callously asked you to lie for him to your cousin!!! he is not worth your time AT ALL!