I just found this web-site this morning. I hope I can get some advice. Maybe I just need a listening ear.
About six months ago, I met a beautiful woman who, at the time, was working at a store near my house. I had an instant and overwhelming attraction to her, something I've never experienced (I'm 47). It took me a couple of weeks to work up the courage to ask her out, but when I did, she declined, saying that she was dating someone. I continued to go into the store on a daily basis, and we began talking a little. I finally told her of my attraction, gave her my number and asked her to call me if her situation ever changed. She said she would.
I began showering her with attention. I sent her flowers at work a few times and I brought her lunch occasionally. One night she called me and we talked for a couple of hours. Since then we've talked on the phone almost every night. I went into her store every day, but 2 months ago she took another job at a place where I can't see her. We have been reduced to phone conversations. She won't go out with me, she considers that cheating on her boyfriend, although we have met for coffee twice. She has told me from the beginning that her boyfriend is a jerk, he'll never move the relationship forward and she knows she couldn't marry him even if he did propose, which she say's will never happen. She says she would never even be able to live with him. They have broken up 10 times during the 3 years they've been dating. She always goes back to him. She say's that she knows they will eventually break it off for good, but says she has to wait for him to do something really bad, to give her the incentive and courage to end it. I believe that she's being absolutely honest with me.
She calls me almost every weeknight. Weekends she doesn't, I assume she spends most of the time with her B/F. For a long time she wouldn't give me her phone number...she was afraid that I would call when he was there. However, she gave me her home# and cell# a couple of months ago. She tells me that she really enjoys talking to me, and that she has told me things that she hasn't told many other people. I think she would fall hard for me if she gave herself the chance.
Sunday night we had an argument about the situation. I told her that she was making me work too hard at keeping our "thing" going. She told me that maybe it was time to end it, that she needed to sort out her feelings. I basically told her "Ok, I hope things work out the way you want them to. Good luck". We haven't talked since. My reaction is way different than in the past. I've always been Mr. Nice Guy. This time I was a little angry. Once, about 3 months ago, she told me that she wasn't going to contact me anymore, and she was calling again after 3 days.
I realize now that I've been too pushy and too needy. I've been there for her whenever she's felt bad and needed to talk. I think I've enabled her to stay with her boyfriend, since I've been there for her emotional support when he isn't. From reading some stuff on these types of situations, I think I need to be unavailable for a while and work on my self-confidence so when I contact her later, I'll be a little more attractive.
How long should I wait and let her experience life without me? I'm thinking about 6 weeks. Any other advice for me?