Heartbreak ( people with experience in brokenhearts please)

[mandrak613]

ok...i ask this in the ask a woman section because i think women are more capable of understanding my issue...ok, i used to like this girl, never liked someone as much as i liked her,but then she started dating a friend of mine and i got hurt really bad(emotionally of course), now i got over her and started to like a new person, but now when i think back i get depressed i'm starting to worry that i still like her and when i see her or talk to her again i will be hurt again, does anyone know how to fix this, or has an explanation?

[psykemike]

There comes a time in everyone's life where they need to let go of the old, and get with the new. Dolls stored in boxes need to be thrown away. Women need to come to grips with the reality that they will never fit into that little black dress they swore at New Years to “lose some weight” and finally “get back into”. Even men have to choose between the 64 bits of the original Nintendo or their Playstation 3. But where it concerns matters of the heart, just how much is it necessary to continue “maintaining ties” with your ex, or cutting them off completely.

This is in fact a continuation from the earlier Mars/ Venus examination of being a 'Friend with your Ex', but this time I am more concerned with the extent to which we still feel the need to remain being courteous.

Of course the situation exists where a break up is mutual, cordial or even respectable, to which courtesy naturally follows, but in situations where it was nasty, painful or even down right heart wrenching, is it really necessary to continue sending 'Happy Birthdays, Congratulations and Life Updates?” Do we have to keep them on our facebook, messenger and calendar updates, or is it best that we maintain a clean break?

In many times I find that people feel some need or sense of duty because it is the “respectable thing to do”, but then are we really helping ourselves or the other party, or merely facilitating a situation that could grow to just be ugly. How many of you have that friend that just can't let go of their ex, so badly that you want to slap them every time you see them say “Oh it's his birthday, I think I should give him a call?” Or worse checking facebook every 5 minutes to see if her status has changed to 'in a relationship'.

In many of these cases one party has or will eventually emotionally terminate the other, at which point the continuous contact becomes unnecessary. Half the time in a break up, we don't want to 'stay friends' or even want to hear from the other party, but it just seems callous if we don’t say it.

Well, Mars thinks that even the women can 'man-up' in this situation. Many times during a break up we are definitely not honest with ourselves or the other person. Do I mean some of us need to start going 'I'm through with you and I never want to hear from you again?' No... but should the other party say 'you hurt me and I never want to hear from you again' A thousand times YES. Sometimes a clean break is not only recommended, it is dire to someone moving on. Let’s be honest, we never really get over someone until we find someone else, and in most cases one person already has. Holding on to the past is just plain unfair to yourself and your partner. Even worse is someone who continues to facilitate a relationship, knowing that they have emotionally terminated the other person. That seems meaner than saying anything at all.

So the cutting up of pictures, deleting of contact info and blocking of calls may not be the act of a lunatic, but merely an act of pure survival.