Does he really want to spend the rest of his life with me ..

[SweetGurl21]

or is he just telling me what I want to hear?

The night he asked me out, he started talking about having more babies with me and getting married and talking about the future together. Once I moved in with him 9 months later, pretty much all talk of that stopped. I feel like he only purposed to me because I kept mentioning how a friend of mine of family members ( cousins, uncles etc). I felt like because we're in a serious relationship I could tell about about things like that. I don't feel I was being pushy and hinting anything other then saying "My cousin Megan just got engaged! I"m so happy for her."
We're engaged now. He purposed June 22nd, 2009. We haven't made any wedding plans, havent talked about it in a serious way for longer then 10 mins. He doesn't think it's true that you have to plan a wedding for a year, he figures maybe 6 months of planning and thats it. He's changed the wedding date we agreed on 3 times. First was sept 11, 2010, then april 9,2011 and now its May 28th, 2011. He doesn't bring up wedding stuff other then the cost and to change the date or if we've had a fight about the fact it's never talked about. The same goes for talk about more kids. We have a 4 yr old daughter and I want more kids, I want another one about 2 yrs ago,but he keeps giving reasons or excuses as to why we can't or shouldn't have another right now. When I ask him for a time-frame, he says " In a year or so." He's been saying that for almost 3 years.

I'm frusterated and confused .... is he just stringing me along? Is he scared of commitment? I'm to the point where I don't know if this is someone I want to marry anymore because he keeps changing his mind on certain things and not talking about them seriously.

[girl68]

sorta sounds like it.

[Gigabitch]

Sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, exactly as you already are. He doesn't want to get married and he doesn't want to have more kids, though, and if those things are important to you, you might want to think about moving on and finding someone with an adult agenda.

[lahnnabell]

So, wait... you had a baby together before he actually asked you on a date? I'm confused.

[SweetGurl21]

Why prupose to someone then if you're not really intending on it?
I mean we used to talk about it all the time but for the last 2 yrs it turns into a fight every single time I bring up the fact that he doesn't talk to me about this stuff anymore. These things are very important to me. I have Endometriosys and I'm 21 yrs old, I still want to have more kids but may be limited to the timeframe I have to do that. He says he cares about that and understands but I don't see him willing to compromise on anything or discuss it. I can't tell if we're on the same page anymore becuase we just simply don't talk. But that being said, his actions or lack thereof tell me we're not. As confusing as that may sound.

I'm 21 and he's almost 30. I know what I want out of life and I'm very open about all of that, especially to him. It's been very hard on me this past year, as it seems like everyone I know is having babies. And I feel like I have to stop talking to my finace about it because it turns into a fight. He's even gone as far as saying I only want another baby, or to get married, just so I can compete with everyone else.

[SweetGurl21]

So, wait... you had a baby together before he actually asked you on a date? I'm confused.

We were friends with benefits and I ended up getting pregnant. I was a single mom for a year without him around( may have shown up for 2 hrs once a month). I fell for him eventually and we ended up well ... where we are now.

[lahnnabell]

People can talk all they want, but it doesn't matter what they say. In the end, their actions speak much louder. He shuts you out when you try to talk about important issues, he pushes back the wedding date (which usually sends the signal that someone isn't ready), and has no interest in helping you plan this wedding. He doesn't want to change, and I'm sure he's hoping that if he pushes you into submission that you'll just deal with it and stop bothering him.

You deserve much better.

[Kaius]

He has you. You are not going anywhere. With the baby around, you are definitely no available for anyone else.
He feels secure and comfy. He has no motivation to marry you now....or ever actually. Because there is no obvious
benefits to marrying you over what he has right now. Argh.... darn you are too young to be put through the wringer like this.
Sorry. Statistics say you have 1 - 5% chance of having a happy married life with this man (based on your age, and
the child). With his current actions, that percentage drops considerably. I'm sorry things are like that.
You should be having fun and learning about life at your age.

[Mish]

These things are very important to me. I have Endometriosys and I'm 21 yrs old, I still want to have more kids but may be limited to the timeframe I have to do that.

Did your doctor tell you this? What is your timeframe? I ask because personally I think 21 is too young to have children. Granted you already have one, but more at this age? I don't think it's agood idea.

[SweetGurl21]

Did your doctor tell you this? What is your timeframe? I ask because personally I think 21 is too young to have children. Granted you already have one, but more at this age? I don't think it's agood idea.

My doctor told me that yes I may be limited, but it's hard to tell exactly. It basically depends on scar tissue build up and adhesions etc that cause it. Also, Alot of the women in my family, especially my mothers side have this ( my great gramma, great aunts, my mom, and my aunt on my moms side, ALSO on my dads side, my aunts have a history of ovarian cysts rupturing which happens to me often aswell). My doctor told me to take a look at my family history, he asked be how old most of them where when they got Endo., they were all between 35-45yrs old. I'm concerned that because I developed it 15 yrs younger then they did that I may be limited. They were done having kids when they found out about it so it wasn't a big deal for them. I want more kids, but I'm concerned that I may not be able to 5 or 10 yrs down the road. But honestly right now I don't think another baby is a good idea ... not the way the relationship is right now.

[xxazurexx]

I agree totally with Kaius

Why marry you, when he's already got the package?

[Natlee]

He doesn't want to marry you, he had you and you have a daughter together. He has his family already. If you are having big issues over the wedding and if it will actually happen or if you will ever have any more children together then ask him and say your not pushing him into anything, you just want to know. No point saying to people about all these different dates on a wedding if its not actually going to happen.

[SweetGurl21]

We've changed wedding dates three times ... he doesn't want to talk about wedding stuff yet he calls me his "wife" already. It's really confusing. He calls me his wife but wont discuss wedding stuff with me. I'm to the point where I'm not bringing it up anymore and leaving the ball in his court ... but at that pace it'll be a month before the wedding date and then he'll start wanting to plan it.

[Gigabitch]

He'll be back in jail by then.

[xxazurexx]

We've changed wedding dates three times ... he doesn't want to talk about wedding stuff yet he calls me his "wife" already. It's really confusing. He calls me his wife but wont discuss wedding stuff with me. I'm to the point where I'm not bringing it up anymore and leaving the ball in his court ... but at that pace it'll be a month before the wedding date and then he'll start wanting to plan it.

Well because he already has the package, you will feel like his wife.

You are in fact his 'common law wife' and because you live together, or you would be classed this way in England anyway.