Parents against marriage

[mzr90s]

Hi guys,

A little background on my story. I have been going out with my GF for three and a half years. We actually met through our family (aunt). She is the same region from my own country, speaks the same language, but is a different religion.

When I first met her, I talked to my dad about her. Not about marriage but that I liked her. A year later, marriage talks started happening and my parents flipped. I was 23 back than and living with my parents. My mom threatened to commit suicide and my dad threatened to sell the house and move out with my mom. I was in college back than.

My girlfriend and I still stayed together, but never told my parents. She kept me sane during the emoitional stress.

Six months ago I took her to meet my parents again and talk to them about our marriage. My dad told her flat out NO and he would move out if we married.

His main issue is religion but he doesn't confess it. During the time I took my GF to meet my parents, his excuse was that we were having marriage talks with my aunt and no one ever came to him to talk about our marriage.

I really want to get married to this girl. I am now supporting my parents. We are Indian so kids are supposed to take care of their parents when they are financially secure.

I need some advice on what to do. Whatever decision I make is going to be big and will end one relationship or the other.

My GF is great and I love her to death. She has all the qualities of a girl that I looked for. She even still doesn't blame my parents for anything they've said bad about her.

Please advise.

[Mish]

Yeh parent's approval is a big thing if you are planning to marry because you are pretty much merging the families, if they disapprove then you will ultimately have to make a choice between your parents and your partner. Personally I wouldn't tolerate rubbish like this from my parents and call them out on their bluff. I would tell them straight up that if they disrespect my personal decisions in life and as consequnce plan to move out, sell their house that's up to them and that will not affect my decisions. But that's just me, I'm naturaly resistant towards manipulation.

[mzr90s]

Thanks for the reply.

On top of that, I am tired of being alone. I am the only child. I have friends and stuff, but in no way can they take the place of being with my girlfriend

[vashti]

Have you asked her to consider conversion?

Religion IS a big deal in that region of the world. I don't believe you can or should minimize your parent's sensitivity about this. If they grew up in that region, they have probably seen a LOT of misery and grief over this issue, and it would be absurd to minimize the impact your decision would have on them.

[mzr90s]

She goes to Hindu temples to pray even though she is Sikh...

Yet they will never understand this. My dad stopped working and it seems like I am supporting them yet they are still getting their way which makes me really mad.

Thinking longterm, I think she is perfect. She is smart, can cook and even wants to support my parents. When I first got into this relationship, I was thinking about how much she would help my mom. My mom has really bad arthritis. Yet my Dad gets in the way and my Mom tends to agree with him each time.

I was born and raised in the USA and have a total different understanding of things. I just believe that if my parents were even a little undersrtanding, it would make both of my our lives easier.

[vashti]

so.... no? You HAVEN'T asked her to convert? Why not?

[mzr90s]

Because we are both not religious....religion means nothing to me. She has agreed that when we have kids they can have the upbringing of my religion to keep them happy.

[vashti]

If she already prays in your temple, and has agreed to raise your kids in your faith, then i don't see why it would be such a big deal to ask.

And BTW - if she isn't religious, why is she going to pray in your temple?

[mzr90s]

I guess I should say she is , nor is her family, religious enough to stay within their own religion for marriage. She still prays because it calms her, whether it is at a Hindu or Sikh temple.

My dad is just being ignorant. He wants to marry me to someone he chooses.

[mbdwaj]

Tell them that if you don't want me to marry her thats fine, but belive me, I will not have any kind of relationship with the girl you want me to marry. Fromm the day I get married, I will move out of the house and the day you die I will file the divorce.

You tell them that your deniel will ruin 3 lives. Me, my girlfriend and my future wife.. Have a happy retirement life seeing me dying evry second.

[Love advocate]

. . . and if only we lived in the world all by ourselves. Good for us we don't. When children go against the wishes of parents regarding marriage, all too often it causes problems for a lifetime down the road. Unfortunately, the children suffer the most whenever they come into the picture. Take it from me, if your father is as hard nosed as it sounds like he is, I know all too well that as parents, as much as we love our own child, when they marry against our will when it comes to religion, we will shut them both out. I've done it myself. Now, our child sees the mistake as they were not spiritually connected, but a child later and now they are divorcing. So what church or synagogue does the child go to when they are with the other parent? As for me, I want nothing to do with the child or the parent that is not my child. Words of wisdom—DON'T DO IT

Wait until you find the one who is equally yoked with you!!!!!!!

[VincenzoG91]

"Ned, have you ever considered any of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same." --Reverend Lovejoy, The Simpsons (season 7, episode 3)

[girl68]

I'm the type that would do everything I'm not supposed to do. If they said they don't approve I'd elope the next day. They're supposed to be happy for me if I'm happy. Unless they have good just reason.

I'm sorry but you are screwed with whatever you choose. Could you not marry her in secret, and just keep claiming she's 'just' your gf?

[lilrush]

Being Canadian, I am positive that our views are COMPLETLY opposite but here's my take:
Marrying her is YOUR decision that affects YOUR life and if YOU love her, then marry her.
Notice all the "yous" in the sentence and nowhere in that sentence is your parents.
My point is that if you are both adults and you make eachother happy, then your parents should see that and if they choose not to, then that is their loss and you should marry regradless.

Whats the worst that can happen if you marry her?
You two will be happy together, and although your parents will be mad, they will not be mad forever.
At the end of the day, they created you and raised you and are not going to die angry at you.

My mother was thrown out of her house for dating my father because he was of different race.
My parents got married and soon after, her parents got over it, and we are now a complete family.
The bottom line is do what will make you and your woman happy and the rest will follow!

[TheTooya]

Sikh.... they are damn religious, IMO.

I think you are stuck choosing between your parents and partner, GL...