Am I ready for this relationship?

[soulsurvivor23]

I know this question can't really be answered for me, but I would like some opinions:

Background story:

First I gotta say, what a relief that i'm finally able to post here outside of the "broken hearts forum." I can say I feel really good again and ready to go out and date. So thanks to all those who helped me through that. But anyways, what happened is that there's this old friend I had from when I first started college (I just graduated in May). When I was a freshman (and age 17) she was a senior (age 21).. So our friendship was completely platonic. Not that I didn't find her attractive or anything but I kind of saw her like an older sister in a way, we never had that vibe. So fast forward to now. She had a child who is 4 years old right now.

So anyways as I had just finished school, I was basically taking a vacation and travelling around to various places. One place happened to be 30 mins away from her so I called her up and asked if she would be able to meet up sometime. When I saw her she was kind of like wow look at you all grown up! Your looking really good right now. So I just took that as a compliment from a friend and didn't think a whole lot about it.

The next day she said she wanted to come see me. Of course having a child she also had obligations so her daughter, and her family were there along with her. She introduced me to her fam as her "best friend" which I also thought was a little strange. We were friends of course but we weren't THAT close. So that was another sign. Then she said if I wanted she could drop her daughter and her mom at home and come back and we could go out.. Her along with her sisters because they all wanted to go out and they only have 2 cars. So I said ok that's fine. And I assumed the fact that her sisters were coming meant it was nothing like a date.

But then, she was acting different towards me, flirty even. And one side of me wanted to flirt back and another side insisted that i was misreading things and that we have always just been friends so she wouldn't really be looking at me that way.

Anyways long story short when I got back home she admitted she has feelings for me and didn't know how to tell me. And I told her I have feelings too and that they scare me.

So as far as i'm considered, the age difference (i'm 22 and she's 26) I can get past, it's not that huge of a deal. My biggest problem is the child. I don't want to sound selfish but i'm just out of college, I have no job, I don't yet live on my own, I just don't see myself mentally or even financially being able to date someone with a child. And especially at her age and her current situation, I feel as though whatever guy she dates next she would want as potential husband material. She told me she hasn't had a boyfriend since her child was born 4 years ago. I don't know if I can be that guy. I mean the way the situation is, if she didn't have the child i'd be all systems go, but it really just scares me big time. Should I go for it or should I let it go?

[lahnnabell]

I would typically say that you should wait before making any decisions. Why would you need to rush into being exclusive with her? You JUST got back on each others' radars.

And you said you were traveling, so I take it you don't live that close to her?

[xxazurexx]

I think you are over thinking things and jumping the gun a bit and to assume that she's looking for a husband, lol. Not everyone is desperate to be tied down.

I'm also wondering why you think you would need money and in order to date a woman with a child? A guy has never needed money and in order to meet me and I have a child.

[soulsurvivor23]

I think you are over thinking things and jumping the gun a bit and to assume that she's looking for a husband, lol. Not everyone is desperate to be tied down.

I'm also wondering why you think you would need money and in order to date a woman with a child? A guy has never needed money and in order to meet me and I have a child.

Yes, I suppose your right about me overanalyzing. It's just that I have two friends who have been in certain situations with women that have children and it's making me kind of cautious. The first friend was in a situation where basically the child was just born and he dated the girl for 2 years. However, the relationship was sour after the first year but she guilted him into coming back everytime they fought by saying that he's the only daddy the child knows. I know that's an extreme case. The other friend actually married someone with a kid after dating her for a year. And he doesn't have a job so after 3 months of marraige she pretty much told him get a job or i'm leaving you. So my mind has all these things spinning and that's why I'm having this trouble deciding what should be my next course of action.

[soulsurvivor23]

I would typically say that you should wait before making any decisions. Why would you need to rush into being exclusive with her? You JUST got back on each others' radars.

And you said you were traveling, so I take it you don't live that close to her?

Yeah, not close at all. I live in New York and she lives in Atlanta. However she has vacation time coming up next week and said she wants to come to NY so I kind of have a fast decision to make on that. Not whether or not we're exclusive but at least whether or not we're gonna get things started.

[soulsurvivor23]

Ok so as an update, after receiving advice from several people about the matter, along with the couple I got advice from on here, the general consensus I got was to take it slow and easy and don't stress it. One person said it to me like this "Just think of it this way, even though you've both talked about a mutual interest, for now your status hasn't changed so it's way too early to be thinking about marraige or anything of that nature." and another person with experience told me "just remember that no matter what her daughter always must come first." So with all of this in mind I kind of cooled and calmed down from all this worry. Next thing you know she's like we need to talk... and basically she brought up all of her sudden concerns and it caused an argument and gave me a big headache. She just opened up the flood gates. She was asking me what I want, if i'm serious about her, if I can handle the fact that she has a daughter, what my intentions are, etc etc... she was just grilling me hard. And I was like hey wait a minute, one step at a time.... So then at the end of the argument she was like, admittedly I talked to some people as well and they put all these thoughts in my mind and they made me worry. And add into the fact that I haven't had a boyfriend since 2008 and i've been really hurt in the past so i'm just scared about the situation. So now after 2 weeks ago having none of this drama to deal with I have a ton of it all of a sudden. What I do know is that I really like her, what I don't know is if i'm prepared to handle what dating her would mean for me.

[lahnnabell]

Dude, if she's already grilling you this hard now, and causing you a headache... Yikes. Perhaps it's just her nerves though. Like we all said, one step at a time. If she tries to throw all of this shit on you again, just remind her, "One step at a time." Don't let her suck you into an argument. She's a big girl and she should be able to recognize when she's indulging her anxiety (which is why she threw up all her emotions on you).

It is not YOUR sole responsibility to fix whatever issues she has about her situation. You being the more level-headed member of the couple need to remind her of this. I understand that you're freaked though. Remember that her anxiety and the reason she threw it on you is not your fault, it's her. A grown lady should have herself a little more under control, especially if she's got a daughter to look after.