Sick of it!!

[Kayla]

I have been with this guy since Feb. We have been friends for about a year. We have many mutual friends which is how we know each other. The problem is this other girl (mutual friend- more his than mine) who likes him and is VERY obvious about it. She texts him CONSTANTLY about stupid things, especially at night and on weekends. They hang out together, but not often- twice a month at the most and usually other people are around. There have been times when they went out alone but it was not anything major- an afternoon movie or something. They have been friends for awhile- before I even came along- so I dont expect him to cut her off. She has just recently started to act like this- and it has gotten progressively worse since him and I started dating. Whenever we are out with the group, she follows him around, laughs at everything he says, and agrees with everything he says. She even says stupid things like, "its amazing how much we have in common!". Basically, she makes me want to throw up. It has gotten so bad that other friends have said things about it- they say she "gushes" and "follows him around".

The problem is that I am getting sick of it. He tells me it doesnt matter what she thinks because he is not interested in her, never has been, and has never (in his mind) given her any indication that he is. He says that if she is getting any vibe that he is interested it is because she is reading into things that arent there.

I have been acting cool about it, letting him handle it. I dont want to be "that" girl- trying to tell him who he can and cant hang out with. And, to be blunt about it, she really isnt a threat or competition to me. Recently, she went by his place to feed his dog when we were on a trip together. (she offered it- he didnt ask). When we came back, she had left a bunch of her stuff at his place and it looked as though it had been left there on purpose. It was obvious she slept and showered there and THAT pissed me off! Then, that night, when she knew we were back, the texting was WORSE. I mean texting every 30 minutes between 7 PM and midnight.. asking him to go dinner later that week, about his opinions on movies, etc... (basically dumb stuff).

So we got into a little argument that night.. then went to bed. We didnt really "resolve" the issue in my mind, but we did sleep together that night. I left the next morning and we were nice to each other.. that was two days ago and we havent spoken to each other since. I have purposely not contacted him because the more I think about it the more mad I get. I am thinking that because we had sex that night, he thinks we are okay and the argument is over. I have been told thats the way guys think.. ??

The real issue is.. what do I do about this ANNOYING girl?? I am sick to death of it! I have been thinking of breaking up with him for the past two days about it. I have talked to him about it but I get the typical "she is my friend" and "dont be territorial" bullshit.

So- WHERE is that line between respect for the relationship and being "territorial"? At what point, if ever, does it become inappropriate to hang out alone with friends of the opposite sex? Honeslty- am I being posessive by letting this bother me? i sincerly dont want to be that way...

And.. last question.. does he think we are okay because we slept together that night after the argument? Have I been sitting around for two days pissed when he thinks things are fine?

Thanks

Kayla-

[girl68]

I'd say listen dude, better lay some boundaries or... I promise to not be possessive because you won't be my boyfriend. I'd be pissed off too.

[QueenofCorona]

You'd think at a certain point she'd get sick of looking so desperate and pathetic. If you break up with him then she wins. You've turned your cheek way too many times to her bs. Ask him what he'd do if the situation were reversed. Maybe you should talk to her. Try setting her up with a single guy, tell her you want her to be as happy with some guy, as you are with your boyfriend.

[l337acc]

I'd say listen dude, better lay some boundaries or... I promise to not be possessive because you won't be my boyfriend. I'd be pissed off too.

This ^^

You don't have to sound "insecure" about it. It sounds like she wants him even more now that she can't have him (thats typically the way we are), and I'd be pissed off too. I would seriously consider hooking her up with someone to "distract" her from your bf. But at any rate, you should tell him that you feel disrespected by her because she KNOWS that he has a gf (you) and she is not honoring that. See what he does. You should never play head games, but if he doesn't act on your behalf (as he should be in your corner if he wants a relationship with you) then I would probably part ways as you have your answer.

And yes, he thinks everything is golden when you guys slept together...

[Kayla]

Thanks for the posts!! Yeah, I agree on the part about him setting boundaries and acting on my behalf. He has not done that and I am sick of being quiet about it. As of right now, he has not bothered to contact me since I left his house the other morning (yesterday) so he must not be that concerned about our relationship. And yea- she is really pothetic so setting her up with someone else is not going to be easy... and I dont really want to mess with that. The more I sit here and think about it and the more time goes by without him bothering to text/call me, the more pissed I get. Its time to check out of this situation... and thats going to be hard bc I really like him

[roy_delene]

Let this guy know since you are his primary romantic interest in his life he'd better tell that woman to back off and treat you with more respect. Actually since he has you why does he feel the need to do anything with this other girl, it makes no sense to me

[Kayla]

Let this guy know since you are his primary romantic interest in his life he'd better tell that woman to back off and treat you with more respect. Actually since he has you why does he feel the need to do anything with this other girl, it makes no sense to me

Yeah- I dont get it either. Ive stayed away from him this week and have been thinking really hard about the whole thing. The main question I have been trying to answer is "WHY does it bother me so much?!" Because honestly I am not threatened by her.. and on the surface it seems as though I should just let it go and let her make a fool of herself. And, even if she does succeed in stealing him, maybe its best that it happens now before I invest loads of time into the relationship? I have come to the conclusion that he likes the attention of some girl pining away for him... I mean, no one is going to continue to do something unless they are getting some kind of pay off from it. So obviously he cares more about his ego than he does about having a relationship. A sign of major immaturity - which is LAME considering we are all in our 30s. I am tired of dealing with it and all it is doing is building resentment.. which will come out later in other ways because unresolved frusteration/resentment always does.

[Mathias]

Ladies > hi.

I know you mean well. It's terrible advice that you're giving, though.

Telling a guy like this that he has to set boundaries and can't do X and Y with someone else anymore is just going to make him hide it from you. It's not going to actually change his behavior.

By acting the way he has, this guy has shown a complete lack of concern for you, your feelings, and your relationship. That part is ingrained into him - and it's not going to change. The quicker you get out, the less painful it's going to be down the road.

It's nice and all to stand up for yourself and say "you better treat me with respect!", but it's another thing entirely to find a guy capable of respecting you. This guy isn't. Move on.

[girl68]

This guys attitude it peace out before attempting to fix it. Perhaps this guy will never be capable of understanding this concept but generally in relationships you have to talk and set boundries that's what relationships are about.

[Gigabitch]

I agree with Mathias. This guy is making it abundantly clear where you are in his priorities. Wake up and smell the coffee.

[Regnent]

Boundries?

Unless you're willing to give up, and never have any 'guy' friends, back off.

You either trust him, or you don't. She plays no part what so ever.

If you think he's gonna go for her (which is what matters), then you need to move on. Otherwise just be fair about it, don't hide how you feel, but don't turn it into something it may well not be.


I -personally- follow a no fraternization policy myself. I know I have a penis, and I also don't trust that I'm always gonna make choices with the right head.

Each guy is different, but the source of your problem is how you feel about it. Hence, as a guy, it's your problem, not his. If there's a commitment issue, you're not going to change it.
Unless you're ready to commit for life, don't expect him to. (And if you are, and he's not, you need to find someone who is)

[Kayla]

Im supposed to go to his house later today then go to a cookout then stay over this weekend. That stupid girl is going to be at the cookout. I am so sick to death of this whole situation, I am very serious about texting him and telling him I am not going. This was planned earlier before I got so annoyed and before the incident where *she* showered/slept there when we were gone together. I havent hardly spoken to him this week since then....

I am just sick of it.. I dont know if I can go and be nice.. to either one of them!

what would you do? go or tell him to "F- off?"

[Mathias]

Im supposed to go to his house later today then go to a cookout then stay over this weekend. That stupid girl is going to be at the cookout. I am so sick to death of this whole situation, I am very serious about texting him and telling him I am not going. This was planned earlier before I got so annoyed and before the incident where *she* showered/slept there when we were gone together. I havent hardly spoken to him this week since then....

I am just sick of it.. I dont know if I can go and be nice.. to either one of them!

what would you do? go or tell him to "F- off?"

It's up to you at this point. You can either continue the drama, or end it.

You know the answer. Whether you choose to do it or not is your decision.

[QueenofCorona]

Im supposed to go to his house later today then go to a cookout then stay over this weekend. That stupid girl is going to be at the cookout. I am so sick to death of this whole situation, I am very serious about texting him and telling him I am not going. This was planned earlier before I got so annoyed and before the incident where *she* showered/slept there when we were gone together. I havent hardly spoken to him this week since then....

I am just sick of it.. I dont know if I can go and be nice.. to either one of them!

what would you do? go or tell him to "F- off?"

Other than her is your relationship ok? I mean when you two are alone, are you happy with him otherwise? If so, then go there with your head held high. He's with YOU. Again, she looks so pathetic and I'm sure everyone around you picks up on that as well. Laught at her when she thinks you are laughing with her. Pity her fruitless attempts at following him around like a lost puppy.

If this isnt the only issue with your man then maybe this is just the straw that broke the camals back.

[Gigabitch]

what would you do? go or tell him to "F- off?"

It depends on whether you want him any more. If you tell him to **** off, it's quite possible he'll end up in bed with her this weekend.