Sick of it!!

[Kayla]

It depends on whether you want him any more. If you tell him to **** off, it's quite possible he'll end up in bed with her this weekend.

this would NOT happen, regardless of what I do or dont do. I dont know how to explain this without being mean so just trust me on that. I just keep thinking there is a bigger issue here with me and him- that issue being his total lack of respect for what I think/feel. I dont know but i DO know that something about this situation bugs the SHIT out of me and I cant quite put my finger on what exactly that is.. i am hoping being here and reading all these posts will help me sort all that out.

To answer QueenofCorona, asking if I am happy otherwise? Sometimes and sometimes not. At times I feel like he "runs the show" - meaning he thinks he is perfect and always right.. One time, I caved in and apologized just because I was tried of fighting and wanted it to end.. even though I still to this day feel like HE was wrong. And to hear him tell it, when he got divorced 5 years ago, it was because the wife was the biggest bitch ever and he was husband of the year.. (i dont know her but this is not likely). I dont always feel this way about him though. Sometimes, I think he is very considerate and reasonable.. (but still 'always right'). So i guess it all depends.. I dont know! This is normal relationship stuff, isnt it?

Mb we just arent compatible..

[VincenzoG91]

He sounds like an insensitive jerk. You tried to talk to him about the problem, but he doesn't consider it a problem because he is getting what he wants: attention from both you and this other woman.

Now you have a decision to make. Are you going to make excuses and stay in this unhappy situation? Or are you going to leave him and find someone who will treat you with respect?

[roy_delene]

Either your his girlfriend or not. If you are his girlfriend you should be the priority in his life. Its ok to have female friends but not as friendly as this guys friend seems to be. If he wants to be with you, you come first and this other needs to back off and understand that she's stepping on your toes. This guy doesn't seem to give you much respect if he continues doing these things that piss you off. It shows a complete lack of maturity and respect on his part. Maybe you 2 arent meant for each other. If you're his girlfriend you should be his queen and he should be your king and this other little biyatch needs to step off

[IndiReloaded]

Before you break it off with him (and you may have to if he's being an attention whore), you should sit down and discuss this with him. Calmly.

I had something similar happen with my husband. There was a gal crushing on him. He wasn't interested in her, but he also couldn't not be nice to her. He found it embarrassing. Slightly different situation than yours, I think but the same solution might work for you.

Basically, he & I sat down together and worked out *together* how we wanted to handle it. First of all, I sympathized with him. Took his side in the matter. As opposed to attacking him about it, which you seem wont to do.

Then, when he knew that I understood this gal made him uncomfortable we deliberately did things to include her, but make her subtly uncomfortable. We asked her to go with us to things (e.g. the museum or dinner) but I would make sure I looked fabulous and we engaged in lots of PDA to the point it made her uncomfortable to be around us. Kill her with kindness, take the high road and most of all, be confident. It took a few weeks but eventually she got the hint that her crush was pretty hopeless. She even came to visit us once, LOL, but again we kept it light and friendly. I made sure I was there for dinner, etc and they were never alone together.

You should also ask him to limit his text responses to her. Not cut her off immediately, but suggest he answer far fewer and take longer to do it. When he does answer, the response should be 'business', not chatty.

If he can't agree with you on this, then you are out of luck and should move on to someone more mature. If he ends up with her, don't worry about it, you aren't losing much.

Good luck.

[Kayla]

Attention whore and insensitive jerk sound like very accurate descriptions. The more I think about it, the way he talks about his divorce should have been a big clue to that! I would think there are issues there when anyone claims the ex was "all wrong" and they were "all right".

I think my real problem is his attitude about things, and it really shows itself in the way he handles the situation with that girl. He is very cute and EXTREMELY charming (everyone knows this and says it all the time) and he eats up attention- his ego must be more important than maintaining any type of quality relationship. OMG- I just had a revelation.... now that I think about it.. one of his primary complaints about his ex wife was that she was "always accusing him of cheating when he wasn't".. he says she was always looking over her shoulder waiting for him to cheat and wouldnt just 'trust' him.. im starting to wonder about this now... According to him, she eventually cheated and left him and it devastated him. When I first heard the story, I thought maybe the wife was unreasonable and insecure but if this is how he acted then I can understand..

I just wish I had figured this out before now, because now I actually have feelings for him and had some sort of hope for this relationship. But I know for a fact I dont want to deal with this type of behavior either.

[Mathias]

Attention whore and insensitive jerk sound like very accurate descriptions. The more I think about it, the way he talks about his divorce should have been a big clue to that! I would think there are issues there when anyone claims the ex was "all wrong" and they were "all right".

I think my real problem is his attitude about things, and it really shows itself in the way he handles the situation with that girl. He is very cute and EXTREMELY charming (everyone knows this and says it all the time) and he eats up attention- his ego must be more important than maintaining any type of quality relationship. OMG- I just had a revelation.... now that I think about it.. one of his primary complaints about his ex wife was that she was "always accusing him of cheating when he wasn't".. he says she was always looking over her shoulder waiting for him to cheat and wouldnt just 'trust' him.. im starting to wonder about this now... According to him, she eventually cheated and left him and it devastated him. When I first heard the story, I thought maybe the wife was unreasonable and insecure but if this is how he acted then I can understand..

I just wish I had figured this out before now, because now I actually have feelings for him and had some sort of hope for this relationship. But I know for a fact I dont want to deal with this type of behavior either.

Whatever you end up doing, please keep posting. You definitely add to this place.

[Iamabeliever]

He obviously has a fragile ego because he feels "wanted" by having you and by stringing along this annoying girl. It was good that you told him about your feelings with her and your concerns but if he is unwilling to compromise and look at it from your perspective, maybe he is not the right one for you. Do you really need his validation to be secure with yourself? He should be there to uplift you and make you happy not make you feel worried and insecure. Here is a little secret. He has a fragile ego, if he goes out and hang with this girl and received texts from her in front of you, don't even react to it. Do not even feel bothered by it. Just go out and hang with one of your guy friends. Use the same weapons he uses on you, use on him. Have one of your guy friends text you, see how your boyfriend reacts. He will then understand where you are coming from. If you are in a group and he flirts with her, don't react to it, just go flirt with another guy. Watch his reaction! He will flip. This will allow him to change his ways and look to YOU as the power position in the relationship. You need to possess the power, not him. Stand up, be the strong woman that you ARE and grow some courage and have some respect for yourself. Do it.

[1averagejoe]

As a guy I've been in this situation twice...

The first girl obviously didn't give a rat's ass about how I felt about it, and well probably was cheating on me. Now in your situation I wouldn't assume he's cheating, but I think he's definitely being insensitive and disrespectful towards you. The second girl I was with just wasn't the kind of person that wanted to confront the person about it regardless of how I felt about it.

At this point you have two options, you break it off now and tell him to **** off. Or you sit him down and just flat out tell him how you feel, what's bothering you, and how uncomfortable it is for you. Tell him what you think would be a reasonable compromise for the situation, but be sure to tell him that it's his choice what he does. Truth be if you told him he had to stop talking or do something, he probably isn't going to anyways. People hate being told what they have to do, tell him what you'd like and what would make you comfortable. Relationships are about compromises, as your girlfriend if he doesn't do it it's clear he really doesn't care about how you feel and imho, you staying with him is just a waste of time.

*Yes bitches, Joe is back*

[IndiReloaded]

*Yes bitches, Joe is back*

Ho, AJ. What's new?

[Kayla]

So we went to a cookout Fri and another get together Sat. I found out how much of a group joke she has become. There were about 20 people at these two events, all people we know and hang out with as a group. This girl- who is supposed to be a part of the group/friends with everyone - did what she always does and followed him around, not talking to anyone but him (MY bf). She was even sitting outside in the driveway specifically waiting for him to pull up, as we were about 15 mins late. Then she jumps up and acts like a teenager when she sees him, more or less ignoring me. (keep in mind we are in our late 20s/ early 30s!!) I decided I was gonna ignore it and let it go and do my own thing at the get together- because I was NOT about to allow her or him to ruin it for me. I hung out in the pool with most of the other women there and found out really quick how obvious it is to everyone. they were laughing at her, rolling their eyes and asking me why I tolerate that. They were making comments about how they havent seen anyone act like that since high school. I didnt talk to him much at the get together saturday when this was happening, I just let it go. He was just carrying on, doing whatever, not really talking to me. He was talking to her but in a sort of aloof, polite way. To be fair, she was sort of in his face and hard to ignore. She was even making him plates of food and bringing him drinks!! (saying "here i brought you a plate of watermelon because I know how much you like it".. HAHAHA- yes! that really happened!!)

After we left the get together, we werent even 10 minutes away when his phone went off and it was HER texting!!! (unbelievable!) The text said something about a song he likes being on the radio- something really dumb and immature. I wasnt going to say anything but that text did it for me- I brought it up and we got into a minor argument about it. He once again told me I was being unreasonable, etc.. I told him how she is turning herself into a group joke (yes it IS that bad). He told me I was allowing the silly behavior of some immature girl to drive a wedge between us. I was going to leave and go home right then and there but I allowed him to talk me into staying. We were sort of cold and distant the rest of the night- I just went to bed. Then the next morning (sun) I was going to go home again – but he asked me to stay and spend the day with him. I really wanted to go home and get some space, because I am so FRUSTERATED and I feel like he is not hearing me. we hung out all day yesterday watching movies, etc. I really did have a good time, but the argument from sat night and that girls continued texting (on sunday wanting to know if he wanted to get lunch) sort of hung over me. He did answer "no thanks" about sunday lunch but didnt answer her saturday about the song. It is monday afternoon and I am just now getting home, and I feel free to really think this through alone and get some objective opinions.

I am so confused about this- he says it is not as bad as I think it is. To add more to the picture, she is also not a very attractive girl and does not get alot of attention from men- she is very clearly starving for some sort of relationship. I had a theory that she clings to any guy that shows her the smallest amount of attention or kindness.. and my bf has a personality type where he doesnt like to hurt peoples feelings. (a good quality until it comes to stuff like this). He told me one time that he knows what it feels like to be in her place- so down on yourself and feeling like no one would want you. (hard to believe now bc he is a smoking hot adult- lol). I think this may explain his accepting behavior towards this leaching girl… either that or he is an attention whore.

He does alot of things to show me that I am important and that he does care about me- for example he is buying a house and took me with him to decide on furniture. I was actually very flattered that he wanted my opinion. When he was talking about moving into the house, he was using the term "we" instead of "I"- which I have been told is a huge deal. (saying “should we get this or that for the house?” or "we will do this and that in the new house.." etc).

I am trying very hard to make sure that I am being reasonable and not being "that" girl.. you know the jealous bossy type- bc that is not me. I do not want unreasonable frustrations to ruin this- I really wish she would just back the f--- off, aleady!!

I am so frustrated I could cry!!

Thanks for reading and letting me VENT this out!! Any comments would be helpful

[Gigabitch]

He's not doing her any favors by allowing her to trail after him like a dog. he may not want to hurt her feelings, but in the long run, it would be more kind if he would draw a line with her because she's making an absolute fool of herself and he's just letting her do it.

[IndiReloaded]

Great vent. But I already told you what to do but you didn't follow the advice. You are letting your emotions take control of your brain.

You are being a major bitch going on about her looks, btw. Its not very flattering for you and you are playing right into her. Even when my husband had his crush I *never* said those things about this other woman. You may be better looking than her, but you sound completely jealous and stupid. No class whatsoever. Sorry but you need this slap in the face. Go back and read my previous post again. The part about NOT attacking him for this if you want him to change.

He did answer "no thanks" about sunday lunch but didnt answer her saturday about the song.

This^ is exactly what you want him to do. Did you say late 20s/early 30s? Yikes. Grow up.

[DoubleEight]

Great vent. But I already told you what to do but you didn't follow the advice. You are letting your emotions take control of your brain.

You are being a major bitch going on about her looks, btw. Its not very flattering for you and you are playing right into her. Even when my husband had his crush I *never* said those things about this other woman. You may be better looking than her, but you sound completely jealous and stupid. No class whatsoever. Sorry but you need this slap in the face. Go back and read my previous post again. The part about NOT attacking him for this if you want him to change.



This^ is exactly what you want him to do. Did you say late 20s/early 30s? Yikes. Grow up.

I don't think Kayla was being bitchy.There are far ruder ways of describing another's looks then "not a very attractive girl." She is frustrated and fed up and that happens to everyone, no matter how old, and she was making an observation that connected to a personal theory.

Kayla, I think your man is the one who needs to grow up. While it doesn't seem to me that he's cheating or even entertaining the idea, I do think he may be enjoying the attention. Often, even if you are happy with the one you are with and love them, you can get a real high from knowing someone else has feelings for you too. But anyone who is serious about their partner won't entertain it for long. There is a point where if you respect your partner, it stops, and I think he is passing that point. Maybe this whole situation is caused by him feeling neglected somehow, maybe not. I don't know enough to judge you or how you go about your relationships. But I do strongly feel that he does need to respect your feelings enough to tell the girl outright he is taken and nothing will change that. If it's what makes you happy, and if she's really 'not that big a deal' to him, then it shouldn't be that hard for him. And if he isn't willing to do this little thing to make you happy... then he really isn't worth keeping around.

[Kayla]

Great vent. But I already told you what to do but you didn't follow the advice. You are letting your emotions take control of your brain.

You are being a major bitch going on about her looks, btw. Its not very flattering for you and you are playing right into her. Even when my husband had his crush I *never* said those things about this other woman. You may be better looking than her, but you sound completely jealous and stupid. No class whatsoever. Sorry but you need this slap in the face. Go back and read my previous post again. The part about NOT attacking him for this if you want him to change.

I dont want to be a bitch or even sound like it- bc I am really not one. I only brought up the looks thing bc I thought it might be relevant to the situation... some of my friends who know about my frustration with this have told me not to worry about her - if only simply because of that. so i started thinking about it as a factor in whats going on. This was my reasoning on saying that: I have had guys specifically TELL me that attention "means more" if the girl is attractive and they are more likely to cheat if the girl tempting them is hot. Guys in their 40s have said this so that leads me to think that is a guy thing and not an age/maturity thing. I thought saying that about her might give a more accurate description of what is going on and why she may be doing these things.

I feel bad that I came across as being a bitch because that is not at all an accurate picture of who I am.

Indi- I went back and read your post. You are lucky in that your hubby was in your corner and agreed to work it out with you..what if he hadnt? What if he told you that you were being stupid for letting it bother you? Would that have upset you at all? My man sees no problem whatsoever with the situation. I have not attacked him- I have tried to bring it up. I even said "can we talk about this?" and he bluntly said "no." and that was it. he fully expected that to be the end of the conversation.

Also, Indi.. in all honesty.. really think about this: what if the girl that was crushing on your husband was extremely hot?? Would you have felt uneasy or differently at all about the situation? Again, not trying to be a bitch- really just wondering what you think? Even when you posted your story, you made sure to point out that you took care to make sure you looked "fabulous" when going around that other girl with your hubby...

I believe that whether it is right or wrong.. peoples looks play at least a small part in who they like, who they chose to date, marry, etc.. I also believe this is more true for guys than it is for girls. (guys are more visual- scientifically proven). So I will be VERY honest about this - if the girl that was chasing my bf was really beautiful, I would be a lot more unsettled about it than I am right now, considering this is a new relationship- him I dont have years and years of solid history and commitment (length of time and commitment in a relationship makes a huge difference when faced with these types of situations). And that may be bitchy, immature, or shallow... but that is the bold, blunt truth of how I feel so I guess I will brace myself for the criticism that may follow. If him and I had years of history, marriage, etc.. I would not care how hot she was or wasnt.

As far as me and my bf. the whole situation has grown from nothing to minor annoyance then persisted until it has grown into a major problem for me because it wont go away.Sort of like an annoying mosquito that keeps on and keeps on until its persistent refusal to go away drives you absolutely insane. It started out small- with her paying him lots of attention and look at what happened the other day.... she went to his house to feed the dog and decided to shower there and sleep in his bed!! I dont think any woman of any age would want some girl sleeping in her boyfriends bed- even if he wasnt there. Basically, I am out of patience.

[IndiReloaded]

I feel bad that I came across as being a bitch because that is not at all an accurate picture of who I am.

Indi- I went back and read your post. You are lucky in that your hubby was in your corner and agreed to work it out with you..what if he hadnt? What if he told you that you were being stupid for letting it bother you? Would that have upset you at all? My man sees no problem whatsoever with the situation. I have not attacked him- I have tried to bring it up. I even said "can we talk about this?" and he bluntly said "no." and that was it. he fully expected that to be the end of the conversation.

Also, Indi.. in all honesty.. really think about this: what if the girl that was crushing on your husband was extremely hot?? Would you have felt uneasy or differently at all about the situation? Again, not trying to be a bitch- really just wondering what you think? Even when you posted your story, you made sure to point out that you took care to make sure you looked "fabulous" when going around that other girl with your hubby...

What I did was extremely calculated. Honestly, if she had been 'hotter' than me it wouldn't have mattered. Plus its not hard, I'm not what any guy would call 'hot'--my looks are more 'classic, pretty french girl'. So I'm told. The other thing is that I was much, much smarter than her and that is something my husband values.

Its about confidence. I'm just pointing out your jealousy makes you sound the opposite. Since you asked, if my husband had been stupid enough to pull what your guy is doing I would have laughed and said good riddance. Which I guess is what most people are telling you. If he really is a stupid attention whore, and based on your posts it sounds like he is, then I wouldn't spend anymore time analyzing it. Just set your boundary with him, calmly, and if his ego-stroking with this gal is more important than you then rid of him. Its not you, its him. For real.

she went to his house to feed the dog and decided to shower there and sleep in his bed!! I dont think any woman of any age would want some girl sleeping in her boyfriends bed- even if he wasnt there. Basically, I am out of patience.

There is no way I would tolerate a guy who thought this^ was okay. Ever. And THAT is your problem, not his. What you decide to tolerate, that is.