Is my best friend's wife coming on to me?

[TJR]

I have a situation on my hands that I'm not sure how to approach. My best friend of nearly 20 years married the girl I've had a crush on since back in early grade school. These are feelings that I've never expressed to her and regrettably are feelings that I still have. Just this past weekend I stayed with them at their house and we drank each night I was there. My best friend gets sleepy when he drinks so this usually leads to him going to bed early while his wife and I continue to drink and talk into the wee hours of the morning.

The last night I was there, the three of us had some drinks and watched a movie on their couch. Around the middle of the movie, we took a quick break and I announced I was going to get a pillow so I'd be more comfortable. As I got up his wife asked me to also grab a blanket because she was cold. We settled back on the couch (she sat in the middle) to continue the movie and spread the blanket over the three of us. I suddenly felt her grab my hand and intertwine our fingers under the blanket. My mind raced on how to react. Here I am sitting with my best friend and his wife and she's starting to cozy up to me while he's sitting not even 5 feet away! I didn't react and we continued to watch the movie holding hands.

As the movie ended my friend decided it was time to go to bed. I asked him to stay up a little longer but he refused and asked his wife to join him in bed. She rejected the offer and said she would rather stay up and have a glass of water to sober up before bed. As my friend went up to bed, she and I continued to watch the TV from the couch and that was when she decided to cuddle. She leaned her head against my chest and stretched her arm across my stomach. At one point I felt her hand working down towards my pelvic region and I lightly grasped her hand and held it to keep her from possibly making the situation any more awkward than it already was. During the cuddling, her head was rather close to mine and from time to time I could see her staring at me from the corner of my eye. I wouldn't dare turn my head out of fear that she'd try to kiss me. The cuddling continued as we both fell asleep on the couch. I woke up early the next morning to find her still clasped around me. God forbid if my friend was to have walked in on us. I gently woke her and asked if she'd rather go up to bed with her husband in which she replied "no" and continued to hold me tighter. I continued to sit there as she slept a little longer. During the day that followed neither of us mentioned the night before or even acted differently around one another. I thought back to previous nights I had spent with them and recall some light flirtation from her. But those situations I felt were rather innocent and nothing outside the bounds of our friendship.

I feel guilty for what transpired and feel my crush on her kept me by her that night instead of just getting up and going to bed to prevent anything from happening. My relationship with my best friend is of the utmost importance to me and I feel as if I took a huge chance at jepordizing it that night. Am I simply overreacting to her cuddling or do you think that she may indeed have had other intentions? I'm suppose to go back in a few weeks but fear the possibility of her coming on to me again and the thought I wouldn't be able to control myself as easily.

[QueenofCorona]

Yes, most definitely her actions were inappropriate. I don't really buy the "It was the alcohol," Seems like she fully knew what she was up to and who she was doing them with. My knee jerk reaction would be to give her a little of the cold shoulder, do not be receptive to her touches, sitting close, ect. If she doesn't get the hint and pulls something tell her, "No. You are an amazing woman who I have always respected but I love my friend more. This will not happen."

Maybe watch your drinking when you go visit them so you don't have something happen that you may regret forever. If she'd cheat on her husband, she'd cheat on you.

[IndiReloaded]

You're an idiot.

The moment she grabbed your hand was the moment you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. After you've composed yourself you would comment on how warm it is and keep out from under that blanket. You definitely should have gone to bed the same time your friend did, locking your room door. Whatever the issues, whatever your feelings, you failed to set a boundary with her. Yes, you need to make sure you do this next time you visit, assuming you even want to.

[IndiReloaded]

If she'd cheat on her husband, she'd cheat on you.

This^. I wouldn't even bother with the 'you are an amazing woman part'. That is more likely to stir things up than sort them out. Any feelings you may have should stay buried as long as she is married. Be your friend's friend. She is just your friend's wife. Leave it at that.

Good luck.

[girl68]

noooooooooo she's not coming on to you! What's make you think THAT?

[TJR]

Yes, most definitely her actions were inappropriate. I don't really buy the "It was the alcohol," Seems like she fully knew what she was up to and who she was doing them with. My knee jerk reaction would be to give her a little of the cold shoulder, do not be receptive to her touches, sitting close, ect. If she doesn't get the hint and pulls something tell her, "No. You are an amazing woman who I have always respected but I love my friend more. This will not happen."

Maybe watch your drinking when you go visit them so you don't have something happen that you may regret forever. If she'd cheat on her husband, she'd cheat on you.

Thank you. It was very out of character for me to end up in the situation I did and I feel awful about it. I will definitely watch my drinking around her and act on my initial "good" instincts.

You're an idiot.

The moment she grabbed your hand was the moment you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. After you've composed yourself you would comment on how warm it is and keep out from under that blanket. You definitely should have gone to bed the same time your friend did, locking your room door. Whatever the issues, whatever your feelings, you failed to set a boundary with her. Yes, you need to make sure you do this next time you visit, assuming you even want to.

Hahaha, Ouch Indi! But your definitely right. I was an idiot and I should've reacted by getting the hell out of that room. But I didn't and I was completely aware of what I was getting myself into (no alcohol excuse from me). My friend is very dear to me and I do plan on visiting him again, but I will be sure to take better precautions when in the company of his wife.

[IndiReloaded]

Hahaha, Ouch Indi! But your definitely right. I was an idiot and I should've reacted by getting the hell out of that room. But I didn't and I was completely aware of what I was getting myself into (no alcohol excuse from me). My friend is very dear to me and I do plan on visiting him again, but I will be sure to take better precautions when in the company of his wife.

I don't really think you are an idiot. No doubt you were taken aback as any decent person would be. But since you admit to some feelings for this gal (not an uncommon situation, btw), it just means you need to be extra careful to maintain boundaries. If they are having problems, and I guess they are or she wouldn't be acting this way, don't allow yourself to get sucked into becoming her emotional confidant. That is a common way for affairs to start and is a mess none of you need, especially when it can be so easily avoided with a bit of self-control.

Good luck.

[bluesummer]

Wow. If my best friend's husband tried anything with me, I'd not only make it very clear that it was inappropriate, but I'd probably tell her. Chicks before dicks.

[Mish]

Am I simply overreacting to her cuddling or do you think that she may indeed have had other intentions? I'm suppose to go back in a few weeks but fear the possibility of her coming on to me again and the thought I wouldn't be able to control myself as easily.

No, you're not over reacting her actions were very inappropriate. What are you going to do to make that clear to her?

[xxazurexx]

I had to laugh at how he blamed her for everything, 'she did this', 'she did that'. Yet there was no protesting on his part.

He will go back for more because he loved it and wants it to happen again no doubt.

[TheTooya]

I had to laugh at how he blamed her for everything, 'she did this', 'she did that'. Yet there was no protesting on his part.

He will go back for more because he loved it and wants it to happen again no doubt.

Meh... at the very least he denied himself a handjob. I would probably have to say its hard to think clearly when someone that clearly are into begins fondling you. Morally? Yes, what she did was wrong and him allowing her to get that far was wrong too. But we aren't all saints here, and we do make mistakes.

He can't change what really happened. Someone here said he should have stopped as soon as the hand holding started, but we're past that part. He needs to make an executive decision on how to handle this situation.

You have several options, I personally don't know which is the most appropriate, but...

* Tell your friend what happened, he should probably know who he is getting involved with.
* Don't tell your friend, but keep your distance with this girl.
* Go back for more, but don't expect a fruitful relationship with this girl, and don't expect your friends blessing when he finds out.

If I were in your shoes... I honestly don't know what I would do. I would like to say I'd have stopped her when she started playing with my hand, but, I can understand your dilemma :/

[xxazurexx]

Well I'd be thinking very clearly and if some married guy started to fondle me...I'd have told him to f**k off and to never lay his dirty paws on me again and I'd never visit that house again.

Quite simple really.

She was probably pissed and is now regretting her actions. The OP however, will be in seventh heaven thinking he's in with a chance, hence the below in which he fishes to get some clue as to whether she likes him and hoping to god we say she has other intentions....

Am I simply overreacting to her cuddling or do you think that she may indeed have had other intentions?

Sorry, but I have to say what I'm thinking on this type of matter LOL

[Gigabitch]

Dude. What the ****?

Never, ever be alone with this woman again. You should feel like the lowest of the low right now, but instead, I get the feeling you're elated. Stop it. Splash some cold water on your face and have a long look at yourself in the mirror. What you did was WRONG. Don't do it again.

No more sleepovers with that couple, ever.

[Incognito]

I got the feeling that he was high in spirits about it too, but I think for a different reason. He didn't let the situation go anywhere near as far as it could have. I'd feel good about that bit too. He did indulge himself a bit by actually staying on the couch with her (which was wrong by the way), but there was no kissing, no fondling, and no sex. I personally would have excused myself so that my heart didn't explode in my chest and then told him the next day (after the alcohol wore off), but all friendships are different. I fully know that my best friend would believe me if I came to him with that, and I HIGHLY doubt that there would be any animosity as long as I had gotten out of there asap (which you didn't and that makes you look rather bad unfortunately).

If I have misjudged you by your posts and you are simply trying to look for some sort of validation for your actions and you plan on 1. testing these waters again or 2. flat out sleeping with her I hope you die and go to hell.

[TJR]

Should've, could've, would've --Thats now in the past and yes, I should've gotten out of there, but unfortunately I didn't. I understand what I did was wrong and its why I said I regretted it. I've been sick to my stomach the past few days over it and haven't been able to get it off my mind. Good, I deserve to feel that way, I completely understand that. So maybe I worded my question wrong, I guess it is pretty obvious that she had "other" intentions. But, I'm not really searching for any kind of confirmation of what she was doing to feel better about myself. I think its unreasonable to expect me to not visit my friend's place in the future. My thought is, if the situation were to arise again that I will pull her aside and let her know that this can't go on for I don't want to do anything that would hurt my best friend. He means the world to me, and I can't let some trivial crush pull me down a road that'll only lead to heartache and regret. I appreciate everyone's input, please understand I was searching for advice on how to handle this if the situation was to come again.