Who has the upper hand in your relationship?

[chairman55]

Who is the more submissive one? Who calls the shots? I don't mean for this to be a gender issue, but it seems that the guy usually calls the shots. Feel free to share some examples, how long you've been together...

I've been with my wife for about ten years and in my late twenties. I'm not sure if it is the combination of me being laid back and her being opinionated but she totally has the upper hand. This is good at times since she can have her way when I am laid back (ie. where to go for dinner, what color to paint the bedroom) but other times it drives me insane (ie. if and when we fool around, whenever we get into arguments she has to be right).

What do you think factors into this? Obviously personalities such as carefree or opinionated, but sometimes I wonder if I've spoiled her too much way back at the beginning of the relationship so that she expects her way now...

Anyways, what about you?

[Incognito]

Well the poll is woefully inadequate to even attempt to answer that question. Sure gender may factor in a little bit, but personality, upbringing, and mood are probably larger factors. I tend to be laid back, but given what has been going on in my relationship I am more prone to resist, argue and sometimes disrespect now. It also depends on my mood right when something happens. If I'm in a good mood and there haven't been any bs fights in a bit I could probably care less if I don't get my way. If I just got a fresh dose of attitude then all bets are off and I'd rather shoot myself in the foot than give in.

To answer your question, it all depends on who has the most will in the given situation.

[xxazurexx]

Who is the more submissive one? Who calls the shots? I don't mean for this to be a gender issue, but it seems that the guy usually calls the shots. Feel free to share some examples, how long you've been together...

I've been with my wife for about ten years and in my late twenties. I'm not sure if it is the combination of me being laid back and her being opinionated but she totally has the upper hand. This is good at times since she can have her way when I am laid back (ie. where to go for dinner, what color to paint the bedroom) but other times it drives me insane (ie. if and when we fool around, whenever we get into arguments she has to be right).

What do you think factors into this? Obviously personalities such as carefree or opinionated, but sometimes I wonder if I've spoiled her too much way back at the beginning of the relationship so that she expects her way now...

Anyways, what about you?

Very much sounds the same as my marriage to my ex. He was really laid back, easy going, etc. Because of this, he left all the decision making to me and if we argued about something, I was always right too...not because I thought I was, but because I actually was. I was way more intelligent than him Sometimes it would get on my nerves and because I wanted him to 'man up' and wear the trousers, rather than allow me to have all the say and all my own way. I'd prefer things on an equal footing you know.

[girl68]

I say equal and not because it's ALWAYS halfers it just works out that I have the up hand in a lot of things and he has the upper one on me for the OTHER things...

Money: him (he simply makes much more)
House cleaning: me (in the sense I more or less dicate the when it should be done and in what priority not I always do everything)
Cooking: me (I decide what I'd like and how to cook it)
TV: him (however he's very considerate and watches shows we both like
Dates: me (he asks me out, I mostly choose)
Sex: him (I'm horny every day he's about 3-4x/ week)

Other than that we're quite considerate. If either of us have an idea we share it, both of us then we discuss which idea to take... usually promising the other we'll do the other one next time.

3 years living together

[girl68]

I was always right too...not because I thought I was, but because I actually was.

WOW... there are actaully women who say this :S Shit.

[xxazurexx]

Like I said, I was way more intelligent that he was and in particular in regard to history and world affairs. We'd often have deep discussions in which he'd say one thing, I'd known he was wrong and provided soild facts to prove him wrong...then he'd be pissed off and shut his mouth...till the next time.

So yeah...I was always right in regard to deeper stuff and see no reason why I shouldn't say I was. Sorry you don't like that fact.

[girl68]

Nah, you can say whatever you like... I just had a moment about you where I said "OHHHHHHHHHHHh... no wonder."

[speakerspoke]

I'm shunned by society."

Shocking. So you're still posting here 24/7 Jan Brady? Any new posts about your imaginary boyfriend George Glass? LMAO!!

[girl68]

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHAT? Becasue I have a lax job and sit in front of the computer and post I'm shunned and have a fake bf.... LOL. Okay.

[lahnnabell]

I try to keep it fairly equal. However, some may think I have the upper hand as I sort of manually divide up the responsibilities of the relationship myself. Sometimes when I think my boyfriend is feeling a little smothered or restless, I relent and give up making plans or calling as frequently. It helps him clear his head and gives him plenty of opportunity to be a guy.

Because I am also far more experienced with long-term relationships than he is, I try to lead by example and treat him as I'd like to be treated.

[QueenofCorona]

I think I have the upper hand mostly but we don't live together yet and I hate to be one of those women who keep their mans balls in a jar and be all proud of it. He's just kind of an easy going almost push over at times.

[Incognito]

Like I said, I was way more intelligent that he was and in particular in regard to history and world affairs. We'd often have deep discussions in which he'd say one thing, I'd known he was wrong and provided soild facts to prove him wrong...then he'd be pissed off and shut his mouth...till the next time.

So yeah...I was always right in regard to deeper stuff and see no reason why I shouldn't say I was. Sorry you don't like that fact.

There is a difference between being more intelligent than someone and simply knowing more information than them. Savants take in and retain tons of information, yet many are regarded as mentally disabled because all they can do is retain information and little else (like use common sense or function in every day society). It sounds like he was simply not as knowledgeable as you, and you rubbed his face in it every time. I'm sure there are other factors, but I am only going with what you provided.

[QueenofCorona]

There is a difference between being more intelligent than someone and simply knowing more information than them. Savants take in and retain tons of information, yet many are regarded as mentally disabled because all they can do is retain information and little else (like use common sense or function in every day society)

Dude, I am so a savant in that case. I kick ass at trivia but at least once a day I'll trip over my own feet.

[Incognito]

Hahaha. These people have the uncanny ability to store much larger amounts of information than even you Some have been known to read dictionaries, encyclopedias, and phone books with the ability to recall exact details along with the page number of the detail and its location on the page. Those people are much more similar to computers, and it comes with a cost. Not many can function as normal people.

[bluesummer]

The only 'upper hand' my man has is in the money dept, but even then I'm creeping up on him. Everything else is decided and done equally. We're both pretty laid back and we don't get aggressive with each other.

I'm more aggressive on the whole than he is though. With other people.