Sisters Ex Boyfriend Trouble. Need Advise !!

[xrwalker31x]

My sister had a 3 year relationship with a guy none of my family liked. Everyone told her that he was no good and that she could do so much better, which ofcoarse made her more inclined to go against us and stay with him. Despite my dissaproval of her bf I just left them and thought 'hey, leave her she will learn her lesson and leave him'. Throughtout their relationship they argued constantly and then i walked in the house one day and he had his hands round her throat. I flipped and shoved him out the house and told him if he came back i would call the police, i was pretty impressive for a girl lol. Anyway 2 failed short relationships later, me and my sister have exactly same mobile and i picked hers up by mistake and saw she had loads of texts from the ex saying that she wants him back. And they meet up secretly and she says shes going out with a mate. I dont know what to do, Help??

Thnx , sos its sooo long x

[bluesummer]

You can't tell your sister how to run her life or her relationships, unfortunately. You can say your peace, but it's really up to her if she wants to take your advice or not.

[SirWagginston]

Did you tell your parents about him grabbing her by the throat? I know fathers that would beat a kid for that.

[bluesummer]

Yeah, my Dad once said if a man ever laid hands on me, he'd be in jail for murder.

[SirWagginston]

Your father doesn't have to actually kill the kid. He just needs to make the kid know that he would. Unfortunately, some boys/men can only be made moral by the threat of negative consequences. That, or scared away. Either is fine.

[cmacattack1]

So it's obvious that she has feelings for this guy, and I think she feels "powerless" to him in this situation. And I think that maybe her ideas of relationships are so screwed up from possibly growing up or a bad history that she thinks this is normal.

I think she needs to be on her own for a while and figure out what she wants. She sounds like she has alot of growing up to do, especially for wanting to date a guy more because everybody else told her not to. When she does grow up, she'll look at this and say "What the hell was I thinking?" Her self worth has to be completely non existent, anybody in the right mind that gets treated like this should know better. How many times will it happen before she finally gets it? He's never going to learn if he always has her to come back to. You are powerless to how you feel, but you aren't powerless to what you do. You make your own conscious decisions and she has to acknowledge that. It's her fault to stay in this. She has to accept responsibility for her actions and find ways to be happy on her own so she can have some self worth and not tolerate this bullshit.

I emphasize that she be on her own, because it doesn't sound like she has been. She's tried to date right after they broke up and with her still caring about him, it completely fizzled. She's alone again so it's back to him. She has to understand that she shouldn't have to need somebody in her life to be happy. She's gotta take the reins herself and find that happiness on her own before she can find somebody else and increase that happiness.

Of course, if she doesn't want to listen, she isn't going to hear. Hopefully you can sit her down and just explain some of the things I mentioned above. Ask her if she's happy? Does she know why she isn't? She has to kick this guy and get him out of her system, instead of doing the drug even though we know it;s bad for us because we can't handle being alone.

[xrwalker31x]

Thanks for the comments Everyone , Especially cmacattak. I appreciate it.

I decided to talk to her about what I'd seen and how i felt, which felt good. She turned around and told me not to worry and that she was only texting him to wind him up. So she's texting him when he has a girlfriend of his own, telling him that she still wants him, then letting him down just so she can get back at him?.

I dont understand this and I told her that she should just leave him alone and grow up abit. Then she replies that she wants him still as a friend because you cant throw away a 3 year relationship like that , which i told her is really confusing because ur not acting like friends when your texting him stuff like that. I'm pretty sure shes not telling me the whole truth but I feel that I should just leave it, to be honest she does strike me as the kind of person who seems to need to be in a relationship all the time, maybe because she has too many insecurities.

Oh and by the way she knows when he lashed out at her that it was wrong, thats y she broke up with him in the end, bringing my Dad into it would have been too much, it took alot not to kill him myself lol but he isnt worth it xx

[xxazurexx]

She sounds like my sister. Involved with a loser for the past 2 years and she keeps on going back time and time again. He doesn't work, sits around taking cocaine, drinks quite heavily and can be violent. There is just no getting through to them and they are best left alone and to learn the hard way. I am sick to death of telling her to leave him...but noooo, she keeps going back. She is only 22, he is 23, but she will learn one of these days.