Maybe im just silly..

[Mizu]

Okay so heres just a few things that have been bugging me, that i cant really say anywhere else without being told im paranoid or going to his side or something..

Heres the deal; My boyfriend of 1year 4 months has an obsession with looking at breasts and naked women and whatever else is on 4chan.. I knew him for 4 years, i already knew he was a boob man even when we were friends, but i came over for a holiday and ended up staying here with him, apparantly im his first serious relationship but i get the feeling he doesnt take me seriously. I get mad jealous fast, and with all the girls he (HAD) on his msn list (YOUNGER) girls.. It just worrys me.. Anyway, 6 months ish went by, Girls flirted i let it slide i refused to get jealous over it but then i start seeing things like him going on stickam to "talk" to girls, never males.. I see him go on websites and pull girls email to add to his email.. So my head clicks and i start checking up on him, i go through his chatlogs and firefox history, what do i find? him asking girls to get their tits out whilst with me... so i comfronted him with it, told him i didnt like it and i hated him for doing something like this, told him it was basically cheating on me, i dont care if its not physical or not if it gets you arroused and you have the urge to go seek out another girl then your cheating in my books.. So we argued for ages, and finally calmed down he told me he was sorry and how he loved me and would never do it again.. I forgave him ;_; and he ended up clearing out his list of all the girls he didnt know personally.. so hes down to like 3-5 girls on his msn list that he barely talks to anymore.

Few months more ~ I got laid of from my job so i sunk back into myself a bit, got a bit miserable and felt really fed up so my sleeping pattern messed up, i started sleeping all day and being awake at night, but whilst i slept he was awake on his laptop one day when hes out i sneak on it just to find hes slowly doing it again, adding random girls, even made a new msn to hide them all on so again i got pissed off had a fight blah blah blah. The point is.. i keep finding little bits ALL the time, and its just wearing my self esteem down to shreds, Does he really find me that unattractive that hes gotta go stare at pictures of younger girls with smaller boobs then me? ;/ (Im a 30H, 5"5 in height and weigh about 8 stone)

It makes me feel miserable that my boyfriend sneaks behind my back.. I understand boys need to do whatever they do but he never masterbates o.O So why does he do it? Ive asked him countless times and its always the same answer "I dont know, im sorry!" How can i give him my trust, when i know he says one thing to me and goes and does something else.. I just dont know what to do anymore.. I dont WANT to leave him, but its really starting to wear on my nerves, when i leave him alone im constantly thinking what hes doing, who hes talking with.. Please help me.. give me some suggestions on what i should do to make it better..

Please, to anyone who answers, dont give me immature answers and dont say its all down to our sex life, considering its me who has the sex drive he seems to lack it..
lol Sorry, this seemed to have turned into a bit of an essay..

[the_robot]

So my head clicks and i start checking up on him, i go through his chatlogs and firefox history, what do i find? him asking girls to get their tits out whilst with me...

First of all, this is despicable. If I were with someone who dares to spy on me and my personal stuff, it's over. I wouldn't mind if they asked me if they can check it because I have nothing to hide, but spying on me is a huge offense.

As for your guy, don't know why something makes me think he is younger than you, and pretty immature. Many guys I know think that the best part of trying to get girls is the "hunt" so maybe he is "hunting", just because it gives him some satisfaction and he doesn't intend to do anything with those girls.. Then again, he lied to you when he told you he'd stop, so he may really be trying to find another girl for more...

[Mizu]

He is 3 1/2 years older then me, and i dont give a shit if its dispicable, each to their own but im sure as hell not going to get the truth from his lips if when i comfront him and all he has to say is "I dont know" You really think im just gonna sit there and twiddle my thumbs act like everything is all dandy. & fine if hes looking for another girl ive asked it to his face multiple times, im actually to the point where it wouldnt even surprise me, but still he denies it, as usual. Im so mad that the majority of the time im wanting to scream its over but somethings holding me back.. I have no idea why or what though. I wouldnt have the urge to check up on him and see what hes doing behind my back if he was just open about it, if he told me instead of saying "nothing" then i wouldnt give a crap, were in a relationship there should be no secrets at all, we live together and i moved countries to be here with him.

[the_robot]

Was he like that since you met him?

[Mizu]

No, When we met i was like his best friend. I was in a relationship at the time with someone he programmed with sometimes, thats how we met. We talked constantly and when he had issues he'd come to me with them, so we pretty much knew eachoher inside out before we even started dating. I knew he was a perv, most guys are and it doesnt bother me cos im a bit of a perv to and im a female, but i dont go behind his back, i dont lie i dont do stuff like he does it, I told him when i first noticed it that i didnt like it and he just said "Okay"

[the_robot]

That sounds like he may have lost interest on you or something, but maybe it's common behavior with guys...

I guess this is a stupid question, because you probably have, but have you tried asking him why he is behaving like that?

[Mizu]

Of course i have, shortly after posting this thread we had a fight, His excuse? "I have a problem" Rang his mother to organise a therapist to go see. I gave him an ultimatum, change his act or im leaving. Its not even an empty threat anymore.. Im just getting so tired of feeling 2nd best, feeling mentally exhausted and emotionally worn down. I cant play these stupid little games anymore, because its not just the stupid girls anymore its the fact that everyday im feeling less and less important to him, more like a room-mate, but everytime i comfront him about it he tries to re-assure me that he loves me, doesnt want to lose me, blahblahblah..Im probably putting my heart on my sleeve and making it sound worse then it actually is, and of course you dont hear his side so its all oneside viewed. Sigh..

[egyptian1992]

great poem,i like it
thanks

[Mizu]

Poem? Is that meant to be some kind of joke?

[the_robot]

I gave him an ultimatum, change his act or im leaving

That's probably the best thing you could do...

[hurt_confuzd]

He's on 4chan and is now a /b/tard. All hope is lost.

[vashti]

I gave him an ultimatum, change his act or im leaving. Its not even an empty threat anymore.. .

Well, then - it sounds like you know what you need to do. He's not going to change. If you can't live with this behavior, then unload him. Don't wait until he's knocked you up a few times to make this decision.

[Mizu]

Hes not only just a /b/tard hes been one since he was like 14 lmao

[the_robot]

Hes not only just a /b/tard hes been one since he was like 14 lmao

And he hasn't outgrown that phase yet, that's just sad, he is stuck in his teens.

[alovehangoverr]

I'm definitely with you on the fact that it's cheating.

It would be different if he was looking at porn or something which is strictly there for that purpose and there's no actual contact with the people involved.. but he's seeking out women to actually interact with either through MSN or Stickam. There's aren't girls who are doing a "job" so to speak, they're actual people.

As for anyone giving you crap for "checking up on him" -- here's what I think: is it wrong to invade another persons privacy? Absolutely. But when there are VERY OBVIOUS behaviors that are going on & he's all the while telling you "it's nothing" that changes things. Will he tell you the truth about his actions? Probably not. So what are you supposed to do exactly? Let him continue to lie to your face, or try and find the truth yourself? Trust me, I've been in the position. My ex wasn't a great liar & was shady as all hell (he wasn't always like this, mind you, or I wouldn't have dated him) -- so when these behaviors began, I'd ask questions & he'd lie out his ass. He left his email open on my computer one time & I discovered all those girls who were "just friends" weren't at all. It had been going on for a number of months. I never would have known if I didn't take some initiative.

So.. what should you do about this guy? I'd honestly say to leave. If you've expressed more than once that you don't approve of this behavior, and he's continued to indulge in it & lie to you about it.. you have your answer right there. If you've told him to get serious help in therapy & it's not helping.. what else can you do? Some people won't change.. it sounds like he's one of them.