Boyfriend's Webcam fetish

[Confusion:S]

Hey there,

Ok, I am experiencing some serious problems lately.

My boyfriend has just admitted a few things to me and I would really appreciate your thoughts and advice as I am just in utter turmoil over it;

- He regularly went on webcam with different girls. He didn't go on as himself, but as someone else. He said the girls didn't mean anything to him and that it was like a sexual fetish more than anything. He also chatted online. This really disturbs me and hurts me so deeply. He has promised me that he has stopped and will never do it again. Should I believe him?

- After spending our whole relationship telling me how never looks at other women as I'm the only one for him etc, he told me that he looks at other women. I know that most consider this 'normal' but I don't do it and think it is the most disrespectful thing a man can do when he is in a relationship with someone he thinks is the one he wants.

- He told me that when he masturbates, he thinks only of me but he has told me that he looks at pictures of other girls regularly and uses them. He said he only thinks of me sometimes and thinks of other girls too.

- He has told me that when we are sleeping together he thinks of other girls and imagines that I am them. This I find the most disturbing thing. That is such a special thing supposed to be shared between us and he can't even just focus on me then.

I have made my feelings to him clear and he has apologised lots and seems genuinely remorseful. He says he will stop doing all of those things and that he really does just want me. He says it is strange because I am his dream girl and he doesn't even want any of the ones he looks at. He finds it 'naughty' and therefore sexy. We are working on it but I am so hurt. Was I too naive to trust what he was saying and should I trust him ever again? Or am I being really over the top?

Please help!!

Thanks in advance.

[vashti]

I think you are a bit over the top and unrealistic, and I think he was an idiot to tell you that stuff.

[doppelgaenger]

I agree with Vashti, but the part about the webcam was a little ridiculous.

[hurt_confuzd]

Upload a picture and we'll tell you if you're attractive enough.

[Confusion:S]

Upload a picture and we'll tell you if you're attractive enough.

Haha, no offence but I don't need any reassurance from you, or anyone else for that matter, about my attractiveness!

[doppelgaenger]

Upload a picture and we'll tell you if you're attractive enough.

Any girl stupid enough to give you a picture will be a snaggle-toothed redneck from Texas, giving her dog a blowjob.

[hurt_confuzd]

Any girl stupid enough to give you a picture will be a snaggle-toothed redneck from Texas, giving her dog a blowjob.

Your lack of creativity and originality becomes even more apparent when you steal my jokes and use them in conversation with me.

For your information, Snaggle-Tooth was a different female from the Texan redneck, but I can see how you'd assume they're the same person. Sleeping with two women in rapid succession is something you'll never be familiar with.

[Gigabitch]

The webcam thing is separate from the other stuff. The webcam thing is bad. It involves other, real, live people and it's a red flag.

The other stuff all happens in his own head and he should NEVER have told you these things. It's my understanding that it's very common for guys to think about others when they're with their wives/ girlfriends. I guess it's just a guy thing. I don't like it, but I understand that it's something most of them do.

Actually telling you about it is unconscionable. What the hell was he thinking? How did this conversation happen? Did you actually ask these questions? Are you satisfied with the answers you got? Maybe, in the future, you should think twice about asking this kind of thing.

[VincenzoG91]

He didn't go on as himself, but as someone else.

Unless he was wearing a mask, he did go on as himself.

[Confusion:S]

The webcam thing is separate from the other stuff. The webcam thing is bad. It involves other, real, live people and it's a red flag.

The other stuff all happens in his own head and he should NEVER have told you these things. It's my understanding that it's very common for guys to think about others when they're with their wives/ girlfriends. I guess it's just a guy thing. I don't like it, but I understand that it's something most of them do.

Actually telling you about it is unconscionable. What the hell was he thinking? How did this conversation happen? Did you actually ask these questions? Are you satisfied with the answers you got? Maybe, in the future, you should think twice about asking this kind of thing.

When you say it's a red flag do you mean that it is a sign of things to come, like worse things? He told me that to him it was like a form of porn and it wasn't like he was doing it cuz he wasn't using his name or anything. He said it was like watching 2 different people. He said that it is something he has done from a young age and it became more of a habit. He said he convinced himself that it wasn't really him that was doing it so it was ok.. But then he started to realise and only after we spoke about it and he said it out loud did he realise how bad it actually was. He's gotten rid of his IM and internet.. Should I trust him? :S

Well, I duno how it happened that he told me really, like I did ask him but the only reason I asked him was to get reassurance that he wasn't lying to me by telling me he only thinks about me etc, considering the whole webcam thing. And then he admitted to me that he lied about that and then he said what he thinks about. I am absoutely gutted about what he told me and also the fact that he lied to me but I am so grateful that he had the dignity to tell me the truth and to try to work on it.

[Confusion:S]

Unless he was wearing a mask, he did go on as himself.

No he didn't show his face or anything. Like it was more of a flash thing and he used a different account, like a different name etc.

Or am I really stupid in saying that, do you always see the person's face on webcam??:S