Do guys play hard to get as well?

[jenniferx]

Hmm so I'm talking to this guy and we have been on a date. He told my friend that he liked how i play hard to get...but apparently he is the only one playing this game.. I wasn't playing hard to get and rarely partake in games (though I am guilty at times). It just takes me a while to become emotionally invested in a guy and I'm not eager/desperate girl.

So then I started thinking about interpreting signals wrong, and how I might give off the wrong signals...which lead me to think about a friend who ive been talking to as well, and he is very confusing- sometimes he seems interested in me and sometimes he will initiate conversation but then seem distant/short responses. It had never crossed me mind before but is he maybe "playing hard to get" and Ive noticed he has played other games before..

Long story short, are the rules for guys the same for girls when playing hard to get? I really dislike games so is there any way I could bring this up to my friend to try and get to the root of this?

Thanks in advance

[girl68]

I actually think you play a LOT of games...

[jenniferx]

That is kind of a presumptuous statement for an internet forum.. could you at least clarify?

[girl68]

Well, I've have seen quite a few of your posts... and for the most part your idea of dating is you do nothing he does everything. Now, that's a broad generalization and I'm sure you've have like once or twice. But overall your attitude is very, VERY old fashioned. So that's how I conclude you are a game player. I'm sorry if my pressumptions are incorrect, but just think about it- doesn't it suck to be on the recieving end of exactly what you do yourself?

[jenniferx]

Hmm alright, I can be shy and 'conventional.' Although the person who i'm wondering if he plays hard to get is my friend so I put in equal effort-- i didnt just start talking to him under the assumption we were attracted to each other. ANd I probably play games more than I realize HOWEVER in this situation I was not at all trying to play hard to get, i was surprised to hear the guy I went on a date with thought I was.

And I want to know if the later guy is because in this situation I'm sick of the games:/

[Cbrider]

This day in age, you really have to meet each other halfway.

"but apparently he is the only one playing this game.."

The way that is phrased immediately makes me think you are playing the game as much as he is. You may not know it, but I bet you are.

[xxazurexx]

He could see you as 'playing hard to get' and because you are not so willing to drop into his arms, as other girls may have been.

Each female is different. Some rush in, some don't. For some of us and because we don't rush in, doesn't mean we are playing...it's called being cautious. Or maybe a lack of interest and the man decides to interpret it as 'playing hard to get'.

[lahnnabell]

It really depends. If you give too much too soon, then you could come off as a bit obsessive and get left on your ass. If you play it too cold for too long, the guy might assume you're not that interested and you could also get left on your ass.

It's important to reciprocate. In my opinion (and I stated this in your other thread), it takes longer for guys to form an emotional attachment to a woman. Letting him do the majority of the pursuing is a good idea, especially if you tend to have a habit of diving head first into things. However, it is important to show your interest. If you constantly expect him to do all the calling, all the planning, he's going to think that you're simply not interested and move onto someone who IS interested.

In a way, the whole thing is like a game, yes. The way I minimize the mind games is by doing exactly what I say I'm going to do. If someone calls me, I call them back. If I say I'm busy, then I am busy. I don't lie, or keep someone on a string just because I want power. If I'm not interested in someone, I tell them honestly.

[lilxcutie53]

I understand where your coming from...games arent really games..they are naturally feelings...it just seems like games to the person who is most interested. I had a similar situation....I could tell dead on that this guy had interest me and same as you it takes me awhile to become emotionally invested to a relationship. so it was like every day he was asking to see me every night, and i would make up an excuse to not go..therefore..he probably thought I was playing hard to get when in fact I didnt think I was..I just wasnt as interested and didnt want to hang out with him, but then of course I gave him benefit of the doubt and let my guard down and told him how i felt..and wah la..he started playing games with me. So to get ur guy friend to be interested..u have to act uninterested in him..allowing him to make most not if all initiation with contact. make him be the more vulnerable one first. you of course have to show some what of interest that way he keeps chasing, but for the most part make him chase u more..you will how effective this will be...

[jenniferx]

This day in age, you really have to meet each other halfway.

"but apparently he is the only one playing this game.."

The way that is phrased immediately makes me think you are playing the game as much as he is. You may not know it, but I bet you are.

With this guy I definitely am not playing any games

[jenniferx]

Hmm I have a feeling that people misread my post.. I really just wanted to know if the second guy could be playing hard to get and how I could try and find out/ bring it up to him

[asdfg789]

Hmm I have a feeling that people misread my post.. I really just wanted to know if the second guy could be playing hard to get and how I could try and find out/ bring it up to him

put simply - yes, there are guys who play hard to get - typically seasoned players who know how to manipulate your emotions to get what they want.