My affair with my girlfriends friend

[Lucas21]

Hi my name is Luke, am 21 from the united kingdom, I started dating a girl 2 years ago called Emily and we have had a good relationship, no real problems whatsoever until�. Last September. My girlfriend moved to a new student accommodation, one of her school friends moved into one the rooms down the hall , I had met her a few times previously but never really got to know her until then. Over the ensuing months we all started hanging out together and there were good times, no complications at all, then around Christmas we all went out, there was about ten of us, we were both by the bar, Emily went to the toilet , there was a brief moment which I will never forget, we looked at each other for about 5 seconds and my stomach had butterflies, I had always felt something weird when I was around her but I always dismissed it.
At this point I knew something wasn't right and I had to find out why I felt like that, however I brushed it of again and went to Paris with Emily for a 3 day break, Janine text me and said'' in need of a friend xx'' , I felt really elated but at the same time I was having a nice holiday with Emily. When we got back the tension between me and Janine was weird, we kept staring at each other while not communicating like we used to, Emily began to notice Janine wasn't herself either, it was horrible for a few months, Janine and Emily became distant as well.
During the week of the general election, I remember this week clearly , we were all watching coverage on the TV in Emily�s room and Janine suddenly left, really awkward, I decided to ring her later that night on my way home, I asked her what the problem was, she said '' don't you get it,, I can�t bear this anymore'' then hung up. I was getting more and more agitated, I remember kissing Emily around that week and feeling sick with guilt because at that point I knew I wanted Janine but at the same time still loved Emily, I though to myself I can�t love two girls at the same time, I put my attraction towards Janine as purely sexual maybe.
Things finally came to a head a week later when finally me and Janine confronted out feelings, we were in her room at halls of residence, I knocked on her door to ask her a question about something trivial, I grabbed her by the waist and then brushed her hair gently and kissed her, after that we had the most amazing sex. We have been seeing each other secretly for nearly 2 months and it�s been intense but very nervy at times, I feel guilty and have no idea what to do, I feel in some ways that I want to be with Janine but very scared to tell Emily, at the same time I love Emily, it's killing me, I feel awful.
Any advice?

[the_robot]

Become a mormon.

[lahnnabell]

Part of the allure of Janine is the fact that she is off limits. I'm sure she's very attractive as well. And there is clearly a chemistry that exists between you and Janine that you and Emily don't have.

You cannot continue on this path though. What you really need to do is take some time to figure out what it is that you want. While you care about Emily and want the best for her, it doesn't seem like you and she are on the same page with your feelings. That alone is enough of a reason to break up. Yes, you're going to look like an asshole when you break it off, but you'll look like an even bigger asshole when she finds out you've been cheating on her with her friend. And she WILL find out. Do not treat this girl like she's stupid.

Also, understand that if Janine chooses to remain with you that she will most likely have to separate herself from Emily. Emily will want nothing to do with either of you.

[Ginger Snap]

Respect is such a fundamental aspect of all relationships. I think that if this "friend" of Emily's is willing to do all of this behind her back, you may want to question her capability to respect those closest to her. Although it may not have emerged yet (due to your fling with this girl being new and flooded with lust), that level of disrespect will eventually find its way onto you if you continue down this path.

I completely understand that after two years with someone that a bit of the greener grass syndrome creeps in. But please don't break someone's heart so that you can explore other options. I won't go into the trite suggestions of how to re-ignite the passion in a long-term relationship... you know where to find ideas to do that. From my own experience, the best thing for you to do if you want to focus on your committed relationship to Emily is to figuratively keep your sights set ONLY on her. It will be difficult at first because you have shared some intimacy with this other girl, but it's crucial to cut her completely out of the picture and put some side blinders on.

It's so easy to get caught up in enjoying the moment and being short-sighted. But, in the long run, NO ONE will come out a winner here.

[xxazurexx]

I think you and this Janine deserve each other, you are one and the same. Lying, deceitful, untrustworthy, etc, etc....

I'd let your gf go and to find a 'real' man she can trust. I'm also sure that the last thing she wants is a dose of the clap, or worse.

Sorry for the harshness, but I dunno what else you expect people to say and when you continue to cheat.

[Gigabitch]

Break up with Emily. If you loved her, really, you wouldn 't be able to do this to her.

[alovehangoverr]

I always hate when people say that. "I'm cheating on my significant other, but I still love them!"

No.. you don't. Love is built on trust & respect. You broke the trust & what you're doing is completely disrespectful.

You need to break it off with Emily. She's going to find out-- trust me, WE ALWAYS FIND OUT. It's better you lay it out there for her than to have her walk in on the two of you. There's a good chance you're not going to be so torn anymore considering Emily will likely want nothing to do with either of you.. which is probably for the best. She could do without the deceit from you & the backstabbing from her "friend".

So.. you're likely to be stuck with Janine.. & don't be surprised when you're faced with having an actual relationship with her that doesn't consist of sneaking around/lying/the undertones of doing something forbidden that the attraction wears off. It happens a lot in cheating relationships.. yours is likely to be no different.

Do the right thing here.. own up to what you're doing. If you feel "awful" it really shouldn't be that difficult.

[vashti]

I grabbed her by the waist and then brushed her hair gently and kissed her, after that we had the most amazing sex.

How romantic! It's just like a movie!

this is how I see your future:

[Kaius]

There is no way you are in love with Emily. A man in love does not look at other possibilities. If Jennifer Love Hewitt (the sexiest actress IMHO) came to me naked, I would turn her away. Because I am so in love with my GF...no one else compares.
You need to break up with Emily. Real men don't cheat. It's not like you are forced to be with Emily. If you can't be faithful to her, let her go. There are plenty of good men who would be faithful to her.

[TheTooya]

Break it off with Emily, she deserves to be with someone who won't cheat on her. Thats the nicest thing you can do for her right now.

[Lucas21]

I agree with pretty much all what you guys are saying, even the harsh stuff, I know that Emily will find out at some point. The problem is I Do love them both, maybe im not sure what that love means. When im around Emily I get a comfortable feeling, like it's the right thing, with Janine I get that feeling of longing, I want her her, I sometimes think it's lust, in reply to lahnnabel, yes Janine is very attractive and I always noticed that but I felt something else, very hard to explain....it was something in her eyes when we looked at each other. With Emily it's more on a intelligent level but sometimes it can be a little rocky due the fact we argue about tiny insignificant things, with Janine it�s intense and on a level I�ve never crossed before, I just want to kiss her all the time,. Janine is becoming very anxious though and knows the consequences, she told me that she has become close with Emily over the last year and doesn�t want to lose that but that she loves me, I felt sick after she said that. Im still not sure which one I want, im going Portugal with my friends next week and im going to talk things over with them, as guys they think it�s all fun and games, it�s heaven and hell at the same time.

[Raze]

How long do you expect to bullshit us, dude? You deserve to feel miserable. You cheater! Once a cheater always a cheater.

[Lucas21]

Respect is such a fundamental aspect of all relationships. I think that if this "friend" of Emily's is willing to do all of this behind her back, you may want to question her capability to respect those closest to her. Although it may not have emerged yet (due to your fling with this girl being new and flooded with lust), that level of disrespect will eventually find its way onto you if you continue down this path.

I completely understand that after two years with someone that a bit of the greener grass syndrome creeps in. But please don't break someone's heart so that you can explore other options. I won't go into the trite suggestions of how to re-ignite the passion in a long-term relationship... you know where to find ideas to do that. From my own experience, the best thing for you to do if you want to focus on your committed relationship to Emily is to figuratively keep your sights set ONLY on her. It will be difficult at first because you have shared some intimacy with this other girl, but it's crucial to cut her completely out of the picture and put some side blinders on.

It's so easy to get caught up in enjoying the moment and being short-sighted. But, in the long run, NO ONE will come out a winner here.

Your right about the ''grass is greener'' thinking, something’s aren’t the same as they were but there are other things which have become stronger, Janine is a good friend to Emily, she has helped Emily through lots of problems with her brother, well we both have, it's just all three have spent so much time in close proximity over the last year because of the living situation, we all sort of began to know what the other was thinking, especially myself and Janine, we were communicating on a different level, we used to looked at each other when Emily would make silly comment.

[Lucas21]

How long do you expect to bullshit us, dude? You deserve to feel miserable. You cheater! Once a cheater always a cheater.

I think the problem is that some people think life is that straight forward, it isn’t mate. these things happen, I know im a cheater, it doesn't necessarily make me the worlds worst person.

[Gigabitch]

I think the problem is that some people think life is that straight forward, it isn’t mate. these things happen, I know im a cheater, it doesn't necessarily make me the worlds worst person.

Tell that to Emily. Believe me, to her, you are. She just doesn't know it yet.