you think my boyfriend is controlling?

[lilxcutie53]

So I had an awkward convo on the phone with my boyfriend...it all started when last night when he asked me if I wanted to go to noodles and company tomorrow. He was on the way out the door when he asked so he just said that he'd call me after work the next day. Well today, when we were texting I told him that we could only go to noodles & co at 730 because I had made prior plans. So then he said that He had left over food in the fridge and that we should just do it tomorrow. soo fast foward to tonight..its the hills season finale, and I made plans to watch it. My bf texts me after he gets off work and asks if I wanted to go out tonight..I told him i had made plans to watch the hills, but that the epsiode starts at 10 and it would be over at 1030. he then told me to call him after it was over. then he texted me again and said that he wanted to know if i wanted to drink before it started and I told him that there were reruns before it started and then i told him that it really isnt over until 1130 bc they are having a live reunion special after the episode. So we stop texting and then once it was over I called him like he told me too...it was a really awkward convo. He was either really tired or didnt wanna talk to me or thats what I think...and when its awkward I try to make things un awkward as possible..so I go "well im just calling cuz you told me to after it was over" and he said "yah im going to bed soon" and then it was silent and I just wanted to get off the phone so I asked him if I wanted to do noodles tomorrow...the thing is that I did that on impulse and now I feel like because I made plans to watch the hills he was mad that i'd rather watch that then go hang out with him so when I called him I feel like he was testing me to see if I would make some sort of initiation to hang out and i impulsively asked if I wanted to do noodles tomorrow, but I really dont wanna go. I mean I do, but Im not going to say anything about it unless he does first tomorrow.

The reason why I think this is because my boyfriend tries to take control and I feel like he tests me a lot and I feel that hes too insecure to become vulnerable So tonight I feel like since I went ahead and made plans after he said earlier today he wanted to do noodles tomorrow, he was testing me to see if I would chase back (and thats by asking him to hang out) so he could have control again.

what do u all think?

I guess the only way to get control back is to wait and see if tomorrow he really wants to go eat at noodles & co and if he doesnt mention anything about it not saying anything and to see if wants to hang out with me.

[vashti]

You blew off a date to watch a stupid TV show that can be watched in reruns? He's not controlling. You are just a little bit ridiculous.

Are you sure you WANT a boyfriend?

[lilxcutie53]

The live aftershow doesnt go on MTV.com and that was mainly what I wanted to watch. I'm obessed with the hills and he knows that and it was the series finale and normally I hang out with him on nights when its on anyways...and besides when he did text me to come over before it started it was 830 and the show starts at 10 im not driving to his house for an hr and a half...and he puts P90X with his friends before me if not almost everything before me...such as hanging out with his friends before me or thinking about them before me. so i think its ok for me one time do that...

[Mish]

I think you asking whether he is controlling and giving an example of said behaviour where him acting the way he did is due to your own fault, is a bit nuts

[lilxcutie53]

I think you asking whether he is controlling and giving an example of said behaviour where him acting the way he did is due to your own fault, is a bit nuts

What do you mean? elaborate on that...

[Mish]

What do you mean? elaborate on that...

First of all you made plans with him to have dinner, so find a way to honor your plans even if it means cancelling something else. Second, it's just TV, you can watch it on the interent or tape it if it's really really important, your post makes it sound like some stupid TV show is more important to you than seeing your partner. And then to accuse him of being controlling? I'd be furious if I was him. I think his reaction was mild.

[lilxcutie53]

First of all you made plans with him to have dinner, so find a way to honor your plans even if it means cancelling something else. Second, it's just TV, you can watch it on the interent or tape it if it's really really important, your post makes it sound like some stupid TV show is more important to you than seeing your partner. And then to accuse him of being controlling? I'd be furious if I was him. I think his reaction was mild.

No no...he asked ME last night If I wanted to get noodles and co with him..I said yes and to give me all call once he was out of work. This morning he texted me "good morning" and blah blah. so I texted him back and said "Hey...just to let you know..Elise and I are studying for the GRE's from 6-730, so if you still wanted to go to noodles, wed have to go after that" he said back "i have left over food, lets just do it tomorrow"<---right there he wasnt willing to go to noodles anymore because it wasnt going to be when he wanted to. So anyways, I had already had planned to watch The Hills tonight anyways. So him and I continue texting and he asks me if I wanted do something tonight and texted back and said to him ",what would u want to do? I wanna watch the hills tonight its the series finale" so then he called me and asked me what I was doing..this was around 8. I told him i was watching the Hills...he asked when it was over. I said "its the re-runs right now with special shows inbetween, and the real episode starts at 10" he asked what time it was over and i said "1030" so he told me to call him after it was over.

He ends up texting again and says "hey did u wanna drink before hand at my house" I said " well Im watching these re-runs that are on before hand..oh and also they are having a live reunion special so it wont end til 1130" so we text a little after that.

I end up calling once the shows over..and i already told u what happened after that.

and no im not gonna tape it, because whenever he wants to watch something he puts that first, and woudl never tape it..and i would never expect him to tape it.He decides to a lot of things and puts them before me. I hardly ever do this....I'm always flexible with him, always willing to do things...but it always ends up with him putting me on the back burner...so im now doing the things I want to do..and of course ill be flexible, but im not always going to bend for him if hes not gonna sometimes bend for me...

[RdHrshyKss]

so i have a DVR, and it does wonders! you say your boyfriend always puts other things before you, but it seems like he made an effort to hang out with you. why wouldn't you skip out on the reruns and do something with him before the actual finale started? seriously, the hills is a stupid ass show to begin with...why would you need to watch reruns? he was willing to compromise with you and do drinks before your show as to not interfere with you watching the finale. oh man, the hills? really? i'm sorry, but choosing to watch reruns of the hills rather than hang out with your boyfriend is just silly...you guys are obviously not compatible.

[lilxcutie53]

It does sound stupid, but its my favorite show and starting at 8 they were having the cast members talk in between each episide. like the whole season finale special started at 8. I guess I wasnt clear enough, and said that there were specials in between the episodes, but like I said again..he would never DVR a football game or anything like for me so I dont see why what I did was so bad. and besides...I wanted to go to noodles with him but because I could only go during a certain time, he didnt want to, because he wasnt willing to bend for me and then once that happened, i decided to do what I wanted to do. and I would of gone over to his house after the show was over, but it ended at 12 and I didnt think it would and I actually called him during the show to tell him that it was going over the time i expected. but he has to work early in the morning so he was going to bed soon. It was just an awkward phone convo just because..i dunno

[RdHrshyKss]

you guys need to sit down and talk about this. if he isn't willing to compromise watching his shows later to hang out with you, than he can't expect that from you...and you need to explain that to him. but just because he doesn't expect it, doesn't' mean that you shouldn't be the better person and compromise anyway. you could have easily recorded all the shows, went out and hung out with your bf and then watched everything when you got home. i mean sometimes things that other people might find stupid are really important to you. like me and my sister have sunday nights booked for watching true blood and catching up. my bf wouldn't even bother asking me to do something with him at that time (unless it's really important) because he knows that's my time to do stuff with my sister. you guys aren't communicating well enough. it might be better if you make plans a few days in advance so that this kind of stuff doesn't happen again, that way neither of you are competing for each other's time.

[girl68]

The answer is NO, he's not controlling. Ever think he's hungry before an 8pm date? (ie after your friends study it will be no earlier than 8 before he gets food) he decides to eat at home and he's CONTROLLING? that makes no sense.

[VincenzoG91]

His idea of just eating from his fridge that night and then getting together the following night was a good one, and both of you should have just settled on that. You already had two different things going on that night, and shoehorning in a brief date in between was really pushing it. Probably made him feeling like he was coming in third place, so maybe he was pushing against that.

[lilxcutie53]

yeah, I guess you all are right about the food thing...I would be hungry too, but yet again, if he asks me to dinner and wants to go at a time that is late..i'll eat a snack before hand that way im not starving myself. He could of easily ate a snack too. and sometimes when he does bend for me when we wnat to go to dinner together he will say "ok, ill eat a snack before" so i dont see why he could of done that agin.

Yah and I didnt get why he wanted me to come to his house before my show started. I guess he was trying to see if I would go over there, but if I only had an hr and a half there it would be pointless. and our communication is terribleeeeeeee. Hes very passive and has a hard time opening up so a lot of times when hes upset about something, he wont tell me..at first I didnt know why he was doing, so i was often left confused and actually thinking about him more, but then i figured out his actions will tell me that hes mad (for example...he will choose to hang out with friends, or he wont put me first) I used to be like that too...like if he did something I didnt like or I felt that I wasnt a priority or he didnt call me or something...I would play a game and either do it back or make him not a priority either, but because I started to notice that we were playing a "push and pull" game with eachother and not actually communicating..i started to become more verbal, and actually tell him why im choosing not to hang out with him...but sometimes it takes him like 5 times of me doing that before he gets it.

Hes pretty selfish..he wants a lot of things his way and when he doesnt get it, he gets pissed off. he tries to blame me for his feelings..hes very insecure, he has a hard time opening up to me, he doesnt trust..although i have done nothing to make him not trust me..or atleast i think.

[IncognitoSir]

Well, based on the example you gave us, you're the selfish one here. Maybe this guy is all these things you just listed but based on the example you gave us, he was CLEARLY making an attempt to spend time with you and didnt give up easily. Sure toward the end of his attempts he may have been getting a bit pissed (I would), but can you blame him. You tell him one time, then you change the time, then you gotta watch the reruns.......and all over wack Hills show?

[Kaius]

He's not controlling. He just wants to have dinner with you. Even if he's selfish and insecure, based on this incident, you didn't try to accommodate him at all.
I understand it's an addictive show. If you don't watch it live you'd feel you're missing out. Then just admit that your BF is less important to you than a TV show.
Nothing wrong with that. I'd choose American Idol over my ex-wife any day.....and I DID!