he fell in love after 1 1/2 months

[eliza]

I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years, we have a 9 year old son.

- we got engaged in April, at that time he met another woman (i did not find out until 2 months later).
- by the end of may he said he wanted to leave, that we didn't love eachother anymore.
- I found out about the other girl n the beginning of june. At that time i asked him to start looking for somewhere to leave and to get his stuff out of my house as soon as possible.
- On July 4th i found out that he had already told her he loved her and she was the best thing that ever happened to him

He moved out a week after that but left all his clothes in his closet and other odds and ends in our bedroom and bathroom.

He said he wasn't leaving me for her but that he wanted to be alone. Him and this girl have only known eachother 3 months but they do talk and text constantly and i believe they see eachother everyday. he said he didn't want to move in with her but i see her slowly moving her things in with him.

my question is, does he really love her and will the relationship last? Will he realize he has made a mistake or does he honestly believe this is the best thing that's ever happened to him?he was never hurtful in the past 10 years we were together, this all really just came out of nowhere and i think it was the wedding that scared him.

[xxazurexx]

He's probably more likely to be 'in lust' at this early stage, rather than 'in love'.

Will it last? As with all relationships, it might, it might not. But I hope you would never consider taking him back if it doesn't. Any man who can walk out on you and your child and to test the waters with another woman is a 'scumbag -, the lowest of the low in my book and I've been in this situation, only married 10 years with a child and with a man who did the exact same.

Claimed to love her after 3 weeks of knowing her, although I think he knew her far longer than 3 weeks. He left and to be with her and he is still with her...2 years later and he married her. So YES, it can and does work out for them.

[TAVS]

Thats all kinds of Jacked Up Girl. I understand you have a ton invested in this guy, but seriously, how could you ever consider being with this guy after what he has done? I dont care what excuse he is using, he's a grade A jackass.

[Gigabitch]

He's not in love, he's in panic mode. If he's going to panic after ten years and a child, you don't want him. Let him go. I actually feel sorry for he other girl- at least you're rid of the chucklehead.

[GaGa]

He's infatuated with her. He's not in love. Love takes time. You might want to find someone who appreciates you and your child. Your child is old enough to understand. You're doing the right thing by moving on.

[Kaius]

He's infatuated with her. He's not in love. Love takes time. You might want to find someone who appreciates you and your child. Your child is old enough to understand. You're doing the right thing by moving on.

No. Love doesn't necessarily take a long time. You find the ONE for you, and you fall in love INSTANTLY. He was with you for 10 years, had a child with you, and didn't marry you during that time.
Clearly you were never the ONE in his eyes. He was waiting for the ONE, while he was living a nice comfy life with a woman....playing house. I think he's in love with this new woman, and
he will likely marry her. I have seen this many times in my circle. Immature selfish men tend to put a woman on hold, while searching for his soul mate. I feel bad that your child has to suffer
because of his indiscretion. But it's better now than later. You'll find your ONE eventually. You deserve to be happy and loved.

[Cosmo]

Lol its almost the automatic response to an ended relationship.

OH MY GOD I MIGHT DIE ALONE, reaction: Fall in love with new someone (usually someone whom you have an existing relationship such as friendship or an ex)... not really love but you go insane over this new person because a) you want to forget about your ex and b) don't want to be alone.

No worries, it will end shortly, 6 months or so, as someone who does this is always very immature and not ready for a serious relationship. You NEED time to yourself to become an individual again after a break up. Running to the next guy/girl just sets you up for failure after failure. Your scared and you react out of fear not love/logic.

[Teddy057]

I'm sorry this happened to you. I can't imagine spending 10 years with someone, bringing a child in to the world with them, and having them get up and leave like that. Guess some people just aren't ready to devote themselves fully to another person, and my guess is he will never be able to.

[cmacattack1]

I think our actions and how we react to life's problems says alot about our character. If when the going gets tough, and this is how he reacts, I think you have a window into his priorities, his feelings, his shortcomings. Maybe the wedding did scare him, but people don't just up and leave out of the blue for somebody else. He's been thinking about this for a while, probably felt trapped, and when he had something lined up, he ran far, far away. That's not your fault that he wasn't honest to you, but I think if you take a look back you might notice that he wasn't as great as you remembered him.

When the going gets tough, and this is how you react, he wasn't mature enough for your relationship in the first place.

Whether his relationship works or not is actually irrelevant to your situation. Yes, you do have to keep in touch with him for sharing responsibility of your kid but I think he has proven himself to be a failure. And once you do that, that isn't something that is just easily forgotten. If they don't work out, you can expect the shower of apologies and how much he loves you and misses you, etc. etc. However, don't fall for that because he is only sorry that him and his new girl didn't work out. And when you are throwing the L-bomb out there very quickly, something is amiss. They are very insecure, they NEED somebody, and we all know how that usually ends up. It fades fast.

Sorry that you had to go through this, but I think you can take alot from this experience even if you feel like ten years was just thrown down the drain. You have gotten the best gift in a nine year old son and at least you don't have to go through a divorce. Most lessons are learned the hard way and they take a hard lesson for that to stick. So says the hard headed male (me).

[Gigabitch]

I think love is what's left after the infatuation fades. That hasn't happened yet.

[eliza]

thanks everyone. I have been doing a lot of thinking and talking.

What i hadn't mentioned was that he was 19 and i was 25 when we got together. This is the 1st time he will ever be on his own. Work has been very slow, he doesn't have a dime in the bank now, i know this cuz his bank statement has a negative value. But hey, he has someone now to make him feel valued emotionally and sexually. I guess that makes up for not being able to maintain yourself. I guess the shock of it all and the fact that he has no money has me not hating him at the moment. I know i'll survive, i was surviving when he met me. And I guess if he hadn't already, he will now realize the burdens and responsibilities that i put upon myself to keep us on top.

He always hated when i would pull out pictures and reminisce. Last nite he stopped by to pick up some things and asked for pictures of us, not necessarily our son. I said "what do you want pictures fro, you hate pictures, remember...." all he said was "i'm learning to appreciate them now." He sees his girl and has pictures of her on his phone. not a memory of me, i'd prefer to keep it that way. Not to sound cocky, but I am really beautiful. I'm 36 and constantly get that i look like 21-25. he says i look more and more beautiful everyday and that i look really good and that he misses me. i know he misses our big screen tv, comfy leather couch, firm big bed, and mostly being taken care of.

[xxazurexx]

^Yeah, mine missed all the home comforts too and would say he missed me, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah...

Expect that he may start to call you, crying that he misses you and he wants to come back. I got all this crap and from my ex and in the first 6 months of him leaving. I sharp cottoned on to the fact though, that he was calling me and because things were not going to well with her and they were arguing a lot. He'd revealed to me that he was finding it hard to trust her. Not surprisingly and because I suppose if she was willing to cheat on her husband with him, then what was stopping her from cheating on him?? ...

I'd picked up the phone time after time and to listen to him crying on, saying he was sorry. That if he thought Id forgive him, he'd be back. Then he'd say that he knew I would never forgive him...so it was a waste of time coming back. Eventually all these calls stopped and I'd figured things had improved between them. Next thing I knew, they'd been married. He didn't tell me...I heard it second hand and from his father...

It isn't easy to let go of the familar and they struggle with it for a while - least until the transistion to their new life is completed. If you are fool enough to pick up his calls and still remain friendly like I did, you no more than make the transistion to his new life easier for him. He still gets the comfort of the familiar you see and while he's moves on to the new life.

A lot of these relationships fail...some don't. I'm living proof they do work out sometimes.