Am I Right? (very long post, sorry)

[josh522]

First time poster. I Just found your site, Looking for answers. Here goes.

(back ground on me and my gf)
Well me and my current gf, have been dating almost 5 months, earlier this summer we finally met after being online friends for over 5 yrs (we lived about 25 mins away all the way through high school). I'm 20 shes 18. Being as i graduated 2 yrs before her, i joined the military (Air Force) and thats seems to be about the point me and here really started talking through msn, emails and such. Long story short, i went home on leave for my bros graduation and she, knowing i was home, invited me to come to hers, and i did and well the rest is history. Also the being in the military part for me makes it a little harder on us, since i'm stationed in OKlahoma, and shes up in Minnesota.

Now here comes the question. Well she has allways had more guy friends than girl friends, and yeah it bugged me but i still knew i trusted her. Anyways, she started hanging out with this new guy all the time, spending nights with him where they'd watch movies she says.. Yes it buged me but again i trusted her. They have only hung out for about a months time.. early in our realationship. They dont no more. But about a few weeks ago something came up bringing that up that they used to hang out and stuff.. and some how we got arund to me asking jokingly, if they ever did anythign.. And she confesses that they made out alot, and he felt her up slightly. Knowing this i get pissed but i know we can work it out. and we did, i told her i NEVER want her to see him again, even if its only friends basis now. She mentioned at the time she had feelings for him.. but that is no more, she only loves me and wants me in her life. We have been talking about getting married. But this weekend i guess he messeged her on msn to see if she wanted to hang out. of course the told me he said so. and i got upset, cause she was considering the idea. Cause none of her other firends had time to hang out all weekend. I just kept teling her No, she couldn't i didn't want that. "I dont want my gf spending time with the guy she cheated on me with" And she understood and promised me she wouldn't cause she knows how i feel about that issue.

But now heres the question; Am i in the right for telling her no, that she couldn't hang out with him? Dont get me wrong i love her to death, and want to be with her for the rest of my life. Cause i feel a little bad for not even considering the idea. I trust her more than i have ever trusted anyone in my life, even after cheating on me she regained my trust by showing me that i can. Anyways let me know what you think. Thanks for your help.

Sorry for the way LONG post.

Joshua Arndt

[Laconic]

My girlfriend did something similar, only she broke up with me to be with that guy for about 3 weeks. Anyways, I think you were way easy on her. I would NEVER allow my girlfriend to EVER be in the same square mile as the guy she cheated on me with. The fact that she even still hangs out with the guy on a friendly basis is messed up. If she was truly sorry and truly regretted what she did why would she even think twice about giving the other guy the time of day? Try to disconnect your emotions for a second and look at her and your relationship from a more objective standpoint, dont let your love for her make you narrow sighted. She needs to understand how much what she did hurt you and hurt your relationship. Long distance relationships are hard, especially when your emersed in your millitary life and she's at home hanging out with other people and rarely hanging out with you, but if she's committed to you then she should act like it. I don't think your out of line the least bit, I would make it a condition of you staying together than she not see him at all anymore.

[josh522]

Ok i should say she hasn't hung out with him since the the end of july. Sorry if i confused anyone, about that part. they only speek on MSN and even thats very far and few in between. And she says the only reason she even considered hanging out with him was cause there was NO one else around. And even still she didn't want to. She just felt she had to tell me that he asked her to.. To give her some credit i think she was leaning towards not hanging out with him. And i may have spured up everything.. but i dont feel i was out of line.

Laconic thanks for your reply. Yes it sucks being so far away from each other, 650 miles, but i know we will make it work. I was just hopeing i wasn't way off for telling her flat out no that she couldn't.

[blue]

you are a much better person than i thats for sure cuz i for one thing wouldnt be back with my man just because even if he proved himself to me it would always be inthe back of my head driving me nuts i would always be wondering an i would be bitter.
in another sense since you think that you can work all this out no i dont think that you were out of line at all. there is no reason for her to hang out with that guy at all.

[csm]

I'd dump her, but if you don't want to do that, then I would have to say you are definitely not out of line. I think that you shouldn't even have to tell her. She should realize that what she did was wrong and you're still bothered by it and she should just find it common sense to not do anything else with that guy.