Am I overreacting or do I have legitimate reason for concern...

[soulsurvivor23]

Basically to make a long story short there is this friend i've had for the past 5 years. She's older than me but she was a senior in College when I was a freshman. We became pretty good friends and kept in contact every once in awhile after she graduated. I recently graduated this year and in doing some post college traveling I found myself about half an hour from where she lives so I suggested we meet up. She said she would like that and so we did. Things seemed different when she saw me and there was a flirtatious vibe where it had previously never been like that (due to me being 17 and her being 21 when we met). So we actually went out and then we had a talk the next day where she said she felt something and I told her I felt something too.

So after a week or so, we actually decided to give dating a try. Since we already knew each other pretty well (or so I thought) it was a very easy transition. So within less than an hour of making it official she asked me if i'm the "jealous type" and it gave me an immediate red flag. It seemed like the only reason she would ask that question to me just like that right off the bat was because she might be a person who puts herself in situations that would make a guy jealous. Then I just decided to forget about it because her explanation was that she was in a relationship with a guy who didn't like her to have any guy friends.

After she got a little more comfortable with me from a relationship standpoint, she started to unload on all of her stories. She told me that she's had about 15 total bf's, 2 serious, 13 not serious, and messed around with around 30 guys. So my first thought was just damn, holy shit that's a lot of people. Especially considering she said the vast majority were during that 4 year stretch of her being in college. So that got me thinking like whoa, is this girl right for me? Then she says to me something like "the past is the past. that's not me anymore at all. i'm all there for you, i'm serious about you and i'm not looking to date around or mess around with anyone else." so I thought about it and I said to myself ok, I guess as long as it's in the past I can let it go.

So then today we were talking.. And keep in mind that this college which I met her at was a smallprivate college where everyone pretty much knew everyone. So she says, "do you know X________" and i'm like yeah he was one of my best friends at school there. And then she kind of awkwardly says, oh... nevermind. and i insisted that she say what she was gonna say. low and behold she tells me she hooked up with him. That actually really got me feeling upset even though I didn't say it for fear of being accused of being the "jealous type." So I let it go. Next thing you know she starts talking about these other dudes, most of which I know and was friends with, and that she hooked up with. So increasingly it was getting me mad, and she could tell. So she was like, what's the matter? I guess I won't tell you any stories about the past if you're gonna react this way.

And I was like, ok i'm gonna be honest here. I already thought something was up when you asked me if i'm the jealous type almost immediately after we started dating. Now with all you're telling me i'm really thinking there's a specific reason for you asking that. And she's like no, it's just that most of my friends happen to be guy friends. And some of my guy friends im just really close with and when I see them they might happen to give me a certain type of hug that someone could mistake for more than what it is. So i'm like what kind of hug could be given that could be mistaken for something else? Then she just started going on and on to talk her way out of a corner. She said just that she has friends that are naturally handsy but that it doesn't mean that she would hook up with any of them. And she said she's always had a lot more guy friends than girl friends but that they are just friends, nothing more.

So my question is as it says in the title. Do I have a legit reason for concern or am I just being jealous for no reason?

[pinkinterlude]

It's a toughie. I really don't mean to sound patronising, but you have to remember that she is older.

It sounds like she's made it a lot easier on herself because she has been open and has told you things she didn't need to. That way, if things do go downhill, she can't say she didn't warn you. It's a clever game to play because it is made out that they are the good guy and that if something were to go wrong, it is your fault for allowing yourself to become involved rather than theirs for possibly doing wrong.

However saying that, she could just be one of those girls who generally gets on with guys better than girls, and she has found this to be a problem in the past - relationships wise. She has plyed the field a little, I agree she has had a lot of boyfriends, serious or not, but you said she has graduated (a few years ago I'm assuming) so maybe she really is now ready to settle down, and have a serious relationship. It's common to date a lot when at college.

Your quote, 'Be careful with your heart, because when someone seems too good to be true', they usually are' is quite ironic because usually people try to put the best version of themselves across to the person they are trying to impress, whereas she has more or less aired her dirty laundry to you, and showed you her 'bad' side too. Either this is because she feels comfortable with you and wants to honest because she values you and respects you that much, or like I said before, it's an easy way for her to avoid responsibility if something bad were to happen.

If I was in your situation, I would probably go for it. I think I'd be more frustrated at the prospect of what if, rather than finding out and it not being good. Just be more aware than you are normally. Maybe talk to her and tell her how you feel. I can understand where you are coming from but you have to ask yourself is she worth it and follow your gut instinct.

[girl68]

First of all she should KNOW now to spill dirty details about her lengthy past. So yes, she should not have told and should not inthe future- no matter what YOUR reaction is. Common relationship sense. That her bad, not yours.

And tell her that ass grabbing in any and all situations is no longer appropriate. I dunno what she means by "handsy" but it's up to her to make the boundries LOUD AND CLEAR for her friends. And it's up to you to tell her what is inappropriate in your eyes. Hugging is acceptable "handsy" hugging (whatever the hell that is... is probably not and her warning you about a bad interpretation SHOULD be a red flag)

[Junket]

She sounds like a whore.

And not one very good at hiding it.

I'm not sure why she's insistent on telling you all of her endeavors.

[Gigabitch]

Do these "special hugs" she gets from her guy friends involve slipping their wieners into her v-joint? Because it sounds to me like she's "hugged" a lot of your friends.

I would shop elsewhere for a girlfriend. Make sure to "hug" her goodbye, though.

[Junket]

Do these "special hugs" she gets from her guy friends involve slipping their wieners into her v-joint? Because it sounds to me like she's "hugged" a lot of your friends.

I would shop elsewhere for a girlfriend. Make sure to "hug" her goodbye, though.

So, do women get arthritis in their v-joint as they get older?

[lovesjoyajm]

Also, beware of girls who don't have girl friends. It's not healthy to be unable to connect to your own gender in a friendly way. It probably means that she feels threatened by other girls, or other girls don't trust her.

[Junket]

or other girls don't trust her.

Why, just because she likes to massage their boyfriend's cocks with her vagina?

She's just friendly, is all.