Someone please read and reply?

[angel2002]

I really need an advice on this. So can someone please read my post and help me out?
Thanks in advance

Ok, I will try to make it short.
I met Tom on a dating site. he had a girfriend of 6 years and I was married. I was going through a break up, and Tom and i started talking daily.
He always asked advices about his relationship with his ex and so did I, we had so much fun together.
After 6 months, he told me he wanted to see me, as he lives in another country. He said he had left his girlfriend and he wanted to meet me in person. I was going though a divorce and i knew i loved tom after all this time talking online.
At the first time we met at the airport, i felt my heart skip tones of beat, and told him i loved him and so did he. we spent some weeks together, he had to get back to his country, and we continued talking online and making plans together. He came to see me again after some months, and we spend some weeks together, then he had to leave and all the online routine continued.
In November he came for holidays, and he was checking his email always worried acting weird. So I sneaked in the bedroom and saw him writing to his ex a reply and in her message i could read how she was devasted and how he lied to her whole time.
Tom told me that she was writing him non stop and he always told her to leave him alone. of course i was shocked and decided to investigate. I wrote her, telling her to stop writing Tom and guess what she wrote me back: I dont want your boyfriend, he wants me lol
So she send me an email he had written her, telling her how much he loved her, and how i didnt mean anything to him, and with me things were bout sex, how he didnt like my daughter and my family and he felt relieved of getting back home, and she explained me the excuse he gave her to leave the country to see me. He told her he wanted some time alone and was visiting my country on tourism.
To make it short, all the time Tom was with me, almost a year, he was still ****ing his ex He was making me love promisses and sleeping with her, telling her how much she meant to him.
When i found out i wanted to die. I love Tom so much and i had never cheated on him, why did he lie to me?
I showed Tom her email, and He said she was full of shit and when he wrote that to her we had fought, but later on, i told him i would rather know the truth by him.
He said he was unsure if we were going to work out and i was never his backup plan, but he had a hard time leaving the relationship of 6 years to be with me even that he loves me.
So i told him i didnt wanna be with him anymore, he started crying so bad, and told me he never loved her, and if he loses me he dies all this crap a man says when he is caught cheating.
Well i spend a week ignoring Tom, i was drinking badly, and really wanted to die.
But after so much insisting i decided to forgive Tom and move on.
What happens is he really left her, and never talked to her again, he became the best man ever, dedicate, he did things for me no one has ever done, and i treated him like shit for over a year always throwing in his face everything he had done for me in any argument.
Now, we are facing other problem. Lack of respect.
We still are in a long distance relationship, for Tom to be able to move to the USA we need to get a lot of things done.
I never went through the fact he lied and deceived me, and cheated on me while i was being faithful, it still hurts, but i do love him so much and wanna believe him.
I know he loves me, he has proved in so many different ways.
But after a time treating him bad, he just started revenging. We dont respect each other, he calls me bad names all the time when we fight, he says im selfish, and throws on my face everything he has ever done to me.
He says awful things to me like im a bitch, a slut, a whore, and he accuses me of things i have never done to him even tough i was the one who was cheated.
Our relationship got to a point where i cant stand talking to him online because im already expecting the next bad name he will call me.
I do love him and I know he loves me, but we only fight.
Besides the fact we cant get a life together anytime soon, its all the suffering and pain of a relationship thats falling apart in front of us and theres nothing we can do.
He says im a selfish bitch, i tell him I m not. he is always the right one no matter what and offending me has became a routine for him, he doesnt even apologize afterwards even when hes wrong.
I do love Tom but I sincerely dont know how much longer i can take.
he said i changed after a years of relationship. i did change when i found out i was cheated, so what woman wouldnt?
He wants me to be the same old me that believed everything he said.
I am always depressed, and complaining when we talk, he says i dont love him anymore, I feel in my heart I do.
So why cant we not fight anymore? why cant we respect each other anymore?
Did tom really love me? so why did he cheat?
These are questions i ask myself everyday, since i wake up till i go to bed.
I always talk bout break up, but can never do it, why?
Sincerely, i would like some advices and opinions about my situation. I dont seem to be able to manage it on my own.
Thanks a lot and sorry for the long post.
Angel 2002

[Gigabitch]

I wouldn't trust that man as far as I could throw him. He's living in another country, so you can't even keep an eye on him. I don't think you're actually convinced, or you wouldn't have thrown it back in his face so many times.

To stop fighting, you'd have to untangle all the mess that's layered on top of the original problem in addition to dealing with the original problem as well, and I think you're going to need help, because you're both all emotionally hurt by so many different things. This is going to be really hard to do with Tom living in another country. Is his moving to your country dependent on your relationship working out?

[angel2002]

Thanks for your post. Well he is only moving here if we work out, if not, he will be in his country.

[Gigabitch]

Didn't you just post this earlier today? You can just bump the other thread.

[angel2002]

I did but no one really wants to read and advice.

[girl68]

You know the answer- you didn't forgive or forget and you use it on him every chance you get. He's pissed off you do that and is now treating you like you treated him. And this all started because you thought you could forgive him andf move on and the test of time has proven you absolutly can not.

[Gigabitch]

I did but no one really wants to read and advice.

I'll merge them together.

[ecojeanne]

wow he is the definition of a love rat. he uses women. make a decision to drop him now. men are not great but every now and then you'll find a diamond in the rough. he ain't the diamond. he's definitely rough, have yourself checked for std's and quick smart. he ain't so lovable with that thought eh?

[angel2002]

I checked myself dor std, iam clean and so is Tom, he checked it too.
Well, sometimes i use my brain lol

[nerdy_guy]

Love and respect goes hand in hand. You can't say a person loves you but shows you no respect.